I am so sick of being single I could scream.

I am so sick of being single I could scream.

I am sick of meeting guys who turn out to be freaks.  I am sick of being positive and healthy and putting myself out there only to be jerked around, judged and treated like crap.  I am sick of every guy in Los Angeles who is so effing full of himself and what a great catch he is when underneath he is so bloody insecure he has to play games with a woman to see if she'll follow and feed his ego - and if she does then he doesn't want her because clearly if she likes him there must be something wrong with her.  OH THE DYSFUNCTION IN THIS TOWN.

I don't want to read books about how I should behave so as not to be treated like crap.  I want men to read books on how to be a gentleman, even when you've decided you're not interested.  You know, really hard life lessons like COMMUNICATE.  BE HONEST.  DON'T COME TO DINNER EMPTY HANDED. 

I don't want to hear that making dinner for a man too early in a relationship makes him think you're a doormat.  As opposed to someone WHO ENJOYS COOKING.  I don't want to hear about the "knitting curse."  I don't want to feel like I should take two days to answer an e-mail when I can damn well answer it when it comes in.  I don't want to act like I have plans when I don't, or feel like I and I alone have to take responsibility for not letting things go too fast.

I don't want to hear how I shouldn't be too nice, how I shouldn't give men the benefit of the doubt, how I should walk away at the slightest male misstep.  I don't rush to judgement when presented with potential.  I don't want to be Seinfeld, it's a SHOW not a LIFESTYLE.  HELLO.

I am sick of smart guys who like dumb women, fat guys who like thin women, and thirty-something guys who want to date little girls.

Take your sexual double standard and SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS.  (And this from me, the most conservative woman I know.)

I know who I am.  I know what I want.  I work hard, I have goals, I dance and do yoga for the soul.  I am healthy.  I am funny.  I am smart.  I am able to MULTITASK.  I am able to BE RESPECTFUL.  IT'S EASY.  BEING A GOOD, HEALTHY PERSON IS MOTHER EFFING EASY EASY EASY.

Holy crap, I AM SO SICK OF BEING SINGLE I COULD SCREAM.

Comments

[Tracey]

How do you really feel? You really should try to learn to express yourself and not hold your true feelings inside. =P

[Rod]

OMG Amen Sisterfriend!!!!!

[sharla]

I hate the guys who you've been seeing 4 to 5 nights a week for an entire year and they still insist you're not their girlfriend. They tell you they loved all the women before you but they all turned out to be real bitches... oh no, you're nothing like them, you're really nice but I dont love you and I NEVER will! And they say this to you just after you've had sex with them.

[NoaBella]

God, I feel you. I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Even scarier is the thought that I'm not doing anything wrong and that this is the pool I've got to choose from. I AM SO TIRED OF BEING SINGLE!

[Trissy]

My thoughts EXACTLY!!!!

[Dave]

As a guy who has suffered from ladies playing the same silly games all my life (the proverbial "nice guy" who's always there for a girl but too nice to date) I say "well spoken!". Real people have to stand up and shout - then they might just find each other in the crowd.

[susan]

What is about men having to be 17 again when they're 55. They want no responsibility, and SEX, SEX, SEX, but not with their wives. And they think the world should be happy for them when they run off with younger women and toss 25 years of marriage down the drain for some slut.
I hope the saying "what goes around comes around," is true.

Grow up men!!

[Kate]

I sooooo needed to hear this today. Literally, I think you all have read my mind!

[anonymous]

I agree with you completely. I am so sick of being played by guys that aren't even worth the time or energy.

[Terry]

Interesting point of view. As a thirtysomething single male, I think you make sense. You can cook for me any time and I'll say thank you. For your own emotional safety I'll kindly remind you that men are generally in agreement that you don't buy a cow if it gives milk for free.

PS) I liked "The Fountainhead" better.

[Liz]

Terry, If most men actually subscribed to that ridiculous notion of "why buy the cow if the milk is free," almost no one in America would be married today.

[anonymous]

I knew the first time I saw my wife that she was the one. And have not had to many bumps on the road of life so far. 16 short years and going till the end. :-) In Fact OCT is number 17 and I still think of and see her as a hot Mama. And she say the same thing about me but you know how women lie....LOL

I went and asked her Mother and Stepfather if I could marry her. And I was 29 then.
Of course she and I talked about it first then I went to the Mom & Dad route.
Old Fashion? No just good manners.

The first young lady, I asked when I was barley 18 was killed in a car crash 2 months before we were to be married. So after 10 years the right one was in front of my eyes. And Poof. I told all of my buddy and family after meeting her and gong on one date that she was it.

[carol c]

Not all guys are game players and fuck ups. There are alot of sensitive guys who really want a woman and who do not play games.

Right now I am engage to a guy who really loves me, but I am the man in the relationship. I have my own business and I make all the money, I also do all the housework. He barely gets by, I take him on vacations and treat him like a God. And he does his best to do the same for me but only emotionally. He has no money. He would never lie to me. He works 40 hours a week, but is always broke. If I asked him for his paycheck he would give it to me.

But I have reached the point where I am sick of carrying all the weight and having all the responsibility.

But on the other hand I trust him and he is the love of my life.

I want a husband who can support me.

Why does it have to be extremes, why does it have to be a guy who is a complete game player yet he is well off financially, or the sincerest loving kind man who would rather stay home and cuddle than make an extra buck to help out his lady love???????

[Donna]

Right on! Why is everything so screwed up now? I am sick of the whole thing!

[Sarah]

Wow. I got this entry from googling "I'm sick of being single."

Your words could have easily been my own. I definitely understand.

[MT]

I really don't like LA, from what I've seen of it so far.

Unfortunately, most men have quite a ways to go, from what I've seen. Depends on your standards and stuff, of course.

Blar blar.

-a feminist man

[Mark]

Interesting thread. As a 39-year-old male who is so sick of being single that I just googled "sick of being single" because nothing else works...it's nice to know there are others out there sharing the pain. I'm nice, good looking, athletic, and all those things women say they want, with one exception...I'm short (5'5"). I totally feel like giving up, but giving up doesn't seem like it will get me anywhere either. Ladies, rest assured though, women PLAY GAMES with me all the f'ing time. They do the same things you mention men do (which I don't doubt)...but don't think it's a one-way street. I live in Maryland, outside Washington DC, but it was nice to connect with you out there in L.A. Good luck all...

[kara]

I also googled "sick of being single" and this came up. I live in Maine and the men seem to know all the same games as they do in LA...they might look a little different, but they have the same insecurities. Thanks for the blog. At least I know that in LA where there should be more men to pick from, there's the same crap to sort through.

[lunanoire]

I am in my late 20s and from LA. Though I graduate from school in the spring, I don't want to move back as a single person b/c there are a lot of people who are not serious about committment b/c they're enjoying an extended adolescence. Also, as a regular black woman, it is brutal b/c so many blacks have adopted non- African standrds of beauty so that many black men prefer non-black or mixed women.

[Amber]

Wow! Could not relate to ur post more! Its too perfect! its exactly how thinsg in the dating world are! Why do we always have to play a game? Why cant we just be ourselves? Open and honest? I was recently dumped by my boyfriend of two years, and 3 previous times of being dumped in the past 2 months by the same guy. I am an intelligent woman who has graudtaed with a major in law and society at the college level, and now am pursuing a major in health science to become a doctor not to mention I am able to hold down a part time job in one of the most expensive shoe retailers in Canada. I let this guy back into my like 3 times, he who does not go to school or work or so anything but smoke pot and play all day! Its been about a months that i've been on the dating scene and i am already fed up! All i do is get messed over! Canceled on and dumped, seems like men in their 20's are only inetrested in one thing, that I am sorry are not ready to put out after only a few dates! Dont know what the rest of female population is up to to give these guys the impression that sex can be given up so freely! I want to be be able to write back to text message immediatly after he writes it no nto look desperate because of it, i want to be able to make plans n not have them being canceled! N i dont wnat to have to pertend to buisy either! Why is it always such a game? and why does it feel like we have no other choice but to play or be rejected? I'm googled sick of being single too and i am so relieved to find this post. Knowing other owmen are feeling as lonly as i am and frustrated makes it so much easier to cope with the heart break, the anger the sadness and lonlyness. Thankyou:)

[jc]

Oh wow, I too googled "sick of being single"... because I am :( I live in London and it is extremely hard to meet someone who is normal and not completely crazy. Good luck all :)

[Liz]

Thanks, everybody for the comments and the sharing. I definitely think it helps to know that everyone goes through periods of time like this.

My best thought is always to remember that you're only looking for 1 person - so if everyone else is crazy or hateful, it doesn't matter in the end - you're just looking for that one person who works with you, and they're not impossible to find if you stay hopeful and positive. (When you can, sometimes you're just down, and that's OK, too.)

Love it!
I agree completely.
The whole dating thing is a pain in the ass.
It's great to be honest, it'd be even better if the men we all dated were.
copperhead

[Amy]

Yes! I too have just been sitting here hating my pathetic love life (or lack thereof), and it is good to know that at least I am not the only one in the world who is having such bad luck! Anyone I ever meet that I like is either with someone or moves to literally the other side of the world, to their home country, to study etc - it has happened 4 times, would you believe!? Oh well, must keep the hopes up eh, although this is beginning to seem a futile practice considering the constant disappointment i seem to always have. Argh!

[Oregano]

Quit whinning and take some responsibilty. You keep saying "yes" because you're needful and weak! You don't have to go out with me, talk with me or even notice me. Get a life, some inner strength, some perspective. Then you'll be ready for me!

[Jenny]

It's nice to see that i'm not the only one in the world with these feelings. I'm a student in the UK and will shortly be finishing University. I've been here for 3years and have had a fantastic time, but now it seems that all my friends have relationships and it's just knocked everything in to perspective. I don't want marriage and i'm not looking for some instant long term relationship. I just want someone to laugh about things with. To have those moments. I want to go out with friends and instead of other 5'8 skinny blondes getting the attention of all the guys, i want someone to come over and notice me. Being single in this world is dpressing for so many reasons, but mainly it's because for the first time in a very long time, i feel alone. I would just like someone to notice me for a change, and in a positive light, not because i just cracked a great joke or because were chatting about sport. I want a guy to look at me as not just another mate! is that too much to ask for?Am I being too idealistic?

[maried]

will being married is all that great its like have a kid that cant tell the truth and they cant do anything for their self i do tec suport so allday i deal with men that dont want to do what ask them because they are a man and they know whats best so i let them do what they think works then when they see its not going to work and let me talk i fix it in 2 mins i work 50 hours a week to come and take care of kids and a man that can put something in the d** trash can i dont get i ask i dont yell am i to nice at this point i dont give a crap whats the point men are a** h*** that doesnt care about how we feel or want they thing we well always take care of them and if you have kids its over you will be stick with them if you are not with them they will just cry everyday i guess the grass is green on the other side

[KMH]

Sooooo lame and pathetic. Pull your head out of your ass.

[Liz]

Oregano & KMH,

This is a rant I wrote on one day - March 29, 2005 to be exact. Did you even read anything else on my blog? Hit the banner to see anything I wrote in 2006 or 2007 or 2008? Do you never have a down, ranty day?

Try to get with the blog concept.

Everyone else, thanks for sharing. A little understanding and sharing goes a long, long way, and my sympathies to those going through frustration right now. Down days happen - Power on!

[C]

I'm sick of being single too. I try to put myself out there as it were but the last few guys I've dated have all been assholes. It makes me so cynical, starting to think I will never find love.. and I'm only 26.

SOO needed to read this!!

SICK SICCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK OF BEING SINGLE!!!

**SCREAMMMMM*!!

[Liz]

Hi new commenters,

Hang in there! We all have those days, so feel the rant and then let it go. Give the scream to fight becoming a long-term cynic.

[Lonesome]

I wrote the exact same statement in my journal just this morning "I am so sick of being single that I could scream". I know that there are plenty of people in this huge world that we live in that feel the same way but right at this moment that doesn't help me. It is amazing that when you get grown (41) you still have to deal with all the stupid games that men play. The ones that I have met lately all seem to have been hurt and don't want to commit again any time soon. They all say that they just want to be "friends" but yet they kiss you and ultimately end up having sex with you but you are still just "friends". Men can seem to do this with no problems at all and it doesn't bother them in the least when the relationship, or whatever you call it, ends but most women can't seem to keep sex and friendship from intertwining. I know I can't anyway. Why can't you just tell a man how you feel and that you like them and spending time with them without them freaking out and running away? I am so sick of worrying about it and trying to do the right things and playing the game right. Just like some of these other people posted-you are suppose to wait before you reply to a text or say that you are busy when you really aren't. Stuff like that is so freakin stupid!!! I even had a man tell me that I should say that I am busy and turn down a few invites from a guy that I like because he seems to think that all men want what they can't have. God are we teenagers again or are we grown people that manage homes and bills, etc???
I have been divorced for 10 YEARS and I am so sick of it but there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about it because I don't want to seem so desperate everytime I meet someone new that they think I am a freak! I have my own home, vehicle, good job, raise 2 kids alone, nice looking, I workout most days and try to stay in shape. I love to cook for the men in my life. I think I have a lot to offer a person but I just can't seem to get anyone to actually WANT to committ. I always get the ones that have been crapped on a time or two so they are so freakin scared to give a good person a chance. You look at who they were married to before and they are such bitches that you wonder what in the world they saw in them but you just can't get them to fall for you no matter what!!! It makes you wonder if being a bitch is what most men want you to be or they are not attracted to you. None of this actually solves anything and as I sit here I still find myself in the same boat with nothing to do about it. I can't give up on the situation because I WANT to be married and feel like there is a void in my life because I am not.

[Myr]

I am also sick of being single...and I'm only 22. I get the impression that since there are no men in sight now, it's not going to get any better.

Somebody tell me I'm wrong.

[MB]

I can do worse than scream, I could spit.

I am so effing sick and tired of doing virtually EVERYTHING alone, but yet I continue to, 'cause if I didn't, I'd just be sitting at home...alone. And I'm also sick to death of either reading or being told to "just get out there"...I've been getting "out there" for years and still, nothing. What's that I hear? That's right, just the crickets. I have gone and continue to go, many, many places alone. Movies, concerts, restaurants, museums, art openings, trips...I do all of these things alone. My point? I'm not sitting at home, immobilized, in need of the company of a person before I'll get out and do things.

I read the other posts and get some consolation from knowing that I'm not completely alone on this, even though nearly 100% of the time, I feel like I'm the only creature on the planet not paired up. Everywhere I go, I see everyone coupled up: the heavy, the skinny, the old, the young, the great-looking, the not-so-great-looking, the smart-ones, the not-so-smart-ones...everybody, everybody but me!!!

It has been almost 4 years (4 YEARS!?) since I was last involved in a LTR and that's not unusual for me, as it always seems to take a few years until someone else appears in my life. In the meantime it's just been a handful of first dates that went nowhere, a couple of second dates and not much else.

I'm bright, open-minded, kind and considerate, compassionate, considered attractive, naturally slender, have my passions and interests, athletic, responsible, interested in the bigger picture, home owner, friendly and enthusiastic...none of which seems to register or matter to most. Granted, I too live in Los Angeles, in fact, I'm a SoCal native, where just about everybody is drop dead gorgeous, whether or not achieved with a little help, and us mere mortals don't even register on most peoples radar, or so it seems.

So, yeah, I'm sick of players, liars, and basically people with zero integrity, which seems to be the fast majority I've encountered. And because of my ongoing current situation, I'm also sick of forgoing a healthy sex life. Oh, that's right, since I'm a woman, I should just be able to pick and choose...or so I'm told. HA! What a joke. Granted, I've got standards just like everyone, but I don't have guys approaching me, that's a part of the problem.

Oh, and I too want to say to our society, stick your sexual double standard way up there!

Why, oh why, does it have to be this hard???? I just don't get it, and I suppose, I never will.

Arrgghhh...someone, please, quick, shoot me and put me out of my misery.

[Liz]

Myr - It is going to get better.

Everyone, thanks for sharing and hang in there! Be positive when you can. I always found exercise helps - when you can drag yourself to do it, of course. Gets the blood pumping, clears the head, makes you feel better.

ive googled sick of being single.. its 1.28am and i cant sleep. hurts being single, i aint even a minger! if i was id understand, but what the fuck!! wher are all the men??

[Lisa]

Preach on sister! I feel your pain.

I just Googled "sick of being dumped" and I came across this page.

Nice (but wrong!) that I am not alone.

[Liz]

I think everyone's felt this way at one time or another - Sometimes a good rant helps. :)

[Natalie]

OMG sick of being single is also in Perth Australia 42 yr old single mum of 2 it seems hopeless where do we meet potentional partners ???? not a pub it is suppose to be the internet these days ....I am not having any luck with that 80 % of communincation is non verbal so how the hell is the internet going to help .....aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

[Liz]

Hi Natalie,

Always remember you can meet people almost everywhere. Just get out there and live life! Could be the grocery store or work or a million places. Stay strong and try to stay positive when you can.

[TotallyFedUpSingleMale]

I'm a 32 year old man. Totally fed up with being single. Women just treat me like shit. I treat everyone with respect. Good natured and generally a half descent bloke. I have been in a number of relationships over the years and it just seems I have the words WALK ALL OVER ME stamped on my forehead.

I've been seeing a woman off and on from May. She tells me that she's mad for me but yet it could be 4 weeks at a time from when I see her. We only live about 10 miles from each other and can both drive. I got fed up reciently and told her I was really keen, that I wanted to see her as much as possible...that I believed she was the one for me....but I needed to see her more to be sure. Instead she starts to ignore me...becomes distant. Friggin women drive me nuts. Then out of the blue she tells me that she wants to come visit...I look forward to that and then 15 minutes before she's due to arrive she cancels. I don't think I could be more fed up. But this girl has my heart...and knows it...I can't see by her.

[Liz]

Hi TotallyFedUpSingleMale,

I understand what it is to irrationally have feelings for someone, but read your comment - What are you doing? You need to completely move on from this person.

I often find that focusing on personal improvement and doing things that I enjoy helps.

[Julie]

Although this original post is 3+ years old, I feel the same way as you. I am 32, attractive, and a great person. Why am I single? Why do I find the one's who would rather be with someone else or put their career ahead of everything? I am so tired of seeing all of my friends and family members marry & I can't even get a date! It is humiliating and frustrating. I just want to find someone who feels the same way as I do. Is that too much to ask?!

[Darren Moore]

Too bad you're not in Belleville, Canada. Not only am I a guy, but I could have easily written your rant with the genders flipped.

It's true - it really is; nice guys finish last. It's gotten to the point now where I think so many guys are assholes, playing headgames and playing off their own insecurities that that's what women have come to expect from a guy - and when they meet me, and I'm honest and open - don't hold back, communicate, tell them my concerns if I have any, listen - LISTEN - to them, and after date 3 or 4, since I haven't tried to get them into my bed, I'm not even called back.

So trust that there are decent men out there - and take some comfort, or discomfort, perhaps - in knowing that they're having exactly the same frustrating experience that you are. I couldn't get a significant other if my life depended on it - and there are times I wonder if it does!

[sick of being single]

I'm only 15 and already sick of guys! I broke up with my boyfriend 5 months ago and all my relationships since have been disasters... any tips on making a relationship last?

[Paul]

A full year since the last post.
Just want to say... women play the same games as men. But not all do, on both sides.
I was married to a woman, and we had two children together... and she played very evil, sneaky games and lost.. I now have sole physical custody.
I would work 16 hrs a day to come home to a messy house, and the wife sleeping on the sofa with jerry springer on tv, phone and clicker by her side.. I did everything at home to do with housekeeping and worked / paid all the bills. I never drink, don't follow sports, etc, etc.
But, there she was.. complaining along with all her friends about what a horrible husband I was... I never did anything at home to help and I came home drunk every day ohhh, and I used to hit her??!! It was actually all the other way around.
I will never be able to figure out what the heck women really want... they don't even know themselves.
And never, ever want to be with someone... just for the sake of being with someone, that's just pathetic. I have been single for 5 years now, and fully enjoying not having her around to make me miserable anymore.. and actually don't even have the slightest desire to meet another woman. I have enough drama in my life with my two children.
If I ever meet another woman I want to be with.. I will go with the flow.. but very cautiously.

[Cathy]

Wow, not just me then. I'm a fit, healthy, intelligent, successful and reasonably attractive 39 yr old and i havn't had a serious relationship in more then 10 yrs. I thought it was because I had the work-life balance wrong, so quit the job, quit the city, settled down to life in the country. Now i'm not only single and lonely, but single, lonely, bored and surrounded by sheep! Oh bugger!

[Martina]

Uaa you just verbalised the things I feel. Great post! Also through Google: I am sooo sick of being single.
No chance to meet a decent man in Diublin.
Im 33 and counting :((

[whatever]

fuck relationships

[Donna]

Great Post!

Its 5.30am here in Scotland and after another sleepless night of wondering WTF is going on in his head - this has cheered me right up! :)

I am so sick of the confusing mixed messages, games, nonsense and all the "helpful" tips... Don't call him first, make out your busy when he phones, wait a while to answer texts blah blah blah!!

I am sooooo sick of it!! Have people lost the ability to be plain grown ups and just be straight and truthful about what they want?!

Thank you for making me realise I am not alone LOL :)

[misssingle]

Same here single split up for a 2 year marriage 4 years ago, husband kept staying out all night, maybe another woman but I had had enough of it.

So I've tried everything, single events, churches, pubs, coffee shops, walks, online dating, night class (which happily lead me to a new career) but still only met a few weirdos, last one after meeting for 20 minutes asked if I would like to stay the night at his house. I made a quick exit for God's sake he could have been a murderer, anything.

Just turned 40 which adds to the disillusionment of it all - just feel like giving up really.

[boutogivup]

HELLO PEEPS,
I'm 34 year old male that is self employed, Unfortunately having a really bad year, So i feel like i have nothing to offer, cant really afford to date and have no idea how to date if i wanted to do so, I have always been in long term relationships of 3,5,7 years and a 1 woman man, being almost 2 years out of my 7 year , i find myself completely lost, sometimes i wish i could be that player guy , at least hes not sitting at home on the net on a sat night .....ok done feeling sorry for myself :)

[lizriz]

Hey, hang in there! I know it's tough when you're low on work. But I don't feel like you should feel like you have to spend a lot of money on dates or be a player guy. Just be honest and be yourself. Of course, the best idea is to get out there and just have fun with friends. Go hiking, try to find activities that will be co-ed and try to live life without worrying too much about finding someone new.

Good luck!

[Veronica]

Another google find - you took the words right out of my mouth! You have inspired me to just have fun by myself (as much as it totally sucks) and if by some MIRACLE I meet a nice guy, I'm not going to be playing stupid games. It really is time to change the rules!

[lizriz]

Good for you! Onward! :)

[Milagros]

I'm sick of being single too. It is funny because people always tell me that I must have the entire male population interested in me -because I'm a very attractive girl-, the truth is I do have a couple of guys interested most of the time, but these guys are always the same type: the incredibly shallow and immature 30-something guy who's always looking for the next best thing.
I'm 25 years old and I have a master degree, a steady job, plenty of hobbies and a great social life and I can't seem to find a normal 20-something guy. My friends tell me it is because I intimidate guys because of the way I look, they say I attract the type of guy who is very concerned with image, and generally very full of themselves. But i enjoy fashion, makeup, and looking good, I don't want to make myself "ugly" in order to attract a normal guy.
I am very nice girl, highly spiritual, I'm funny, I'm a good person.

I'm tired of people telling me "you probably are too picky" when in fact I'm only looking for a nice guy, with a job, a sense of humor and a good heart. Is that too much?
I have dated guys that I didn't even like in the first place, just to proove people that I'm not "too picky".
In fact, my last relationship was a big mistake, it started because I had been single for 2 years and was so sick of it, I dated the first guy who seem to be genuingly interested in me. I didn't even like this guy, physically, but hey, let me give him a chance, I said to myself. And 8 months later, i found out he has an affair with his former fuck buddy, because Im not capable of satisfaying his S&M desires. Can you believe it??? It's been 2 months since I dumped him, and I'm tired of being single already. All the interesting guys I've met are either unavailable or too full of themselves because, hey! I'm not the only one who has noticed they're interesting!
It is so difficult to meet someone nice?
It is frustrating.

[Zoe35]

Ugh! I hear ALL of you!

I was in two long term relationships in my 20's. I lived with one for 5 years and the other for 4. It took me a while to be happy alone. I didn't date for a few years, but when I did....SURPRISE!!!

I am 37 and all I am looking for is someone that I can relate to. It seemed to be easy at one time, now it's so complicated.

[Helen]

I guess the cure all for sick of being single isn't located here. Not that it should be as easy as googleing it. *sigh* I think I'm gonna work on making my self happier with my self and going out to places I enjoy without nessarily looking for guys.

I did read though that since we have a biological need for touching going to the salon for a shampoo can help you feel beter.

[Hannah Wroe]

I just googled 'i am sick of being single' and you popped up and put so well my experiences and thoughts on men being completly disrepectful. Am sad that i am not the only want who has experienced this peril....but feel a little better for thinking it is not jus me who actually hopes for more.

[lizriz]

I'm so sorry you've had a rough time.  Sometimes in the past it's helped me to try to remember that there's crappy women *and* men - the nice ones of us just have to find each other. Surround yourself with good people in friendship and business, etc, and eventually, I believe, romance with a good person will come.
Good luck!

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=520727464]

i googled "sick of men" and found this site. The sad part is that I fooled myself into thinking that in Europe the guys are different than in NY where I lived (and everywhere else in the US) but i have come to the conclusion that there must be some sort of top secret international male guidebook available in all languages teaching men how to drive women crazy! Why cant it just be simple..just like Meg Ryan said in French Kiss..."use the corresponding face with the corresponding emotion" :(

[rob]

i hear ya. too many girls are plying games with the guys and guys messing with the girls. f all this stuf about waiting certain amounts of time to do this or that or acting like an A hole cause girls don't like nice guys. look i can't help it if i'm not a mean cruel person. so if being a good guy means being alone for another 40 years than so be it.

[betty Blue]

Hi everyone. I have a slightly different problem. I am 53, two kids 15 & 17, good job etc, keep fit, try and present myself nicely etc. I do meet guys around my age as I make an effort to go to social events, helped organise a few singles events at my synagogue etc. and went online etc. However, I just seem to meet the same sort of guy - Groundhog Day (again!). They are nice but just not interesting - divorced guys my age seem to have had the life sucked out of them from too much work and the disappointment of the marriage failing! They are often a little estranged from the kids, have no hobbies, don't look after themselves very well and have few friends. I quickly get the idea they are just looking for another long term relationship to fall back into where the woman plays "mom" and fixes everything up again. A few have gotten very keen after one or two dates before we've even worked out if we have anything in common and that scares me right off. I come away thinking I would rather hang with my kids and friends than spend more time with these guys. I'd be happy to have a few more dates to see if there's a spark but by then they've just about bought the ring! The guys who initiated the divorce are nowhere to be seen - they went straight to their 25 year old squeeze they've been cheating with for ages anyway!

[Jojo]

Ugh I totally get you all to a tee.
I'm only 17, and I've actually never had a legit relationship. Every single teenage guy wants one thing. And I'm not abut to give it!
I'm pretty, talented, ambitious, fit, athletic, religious, ect ect. All that good stuff. But guys are so freaking complicated. Nothing works. I'm sooo done. I'm usually fine being by myself but after a while it just gets overwhelming. I don't want to lower myself to random hookups and stuff, but humans just need to be HELD sometimes. Ohh... what to do.
It was definitely helped a bit to read your post though. At least I know I'm not the only one.

[Sarah]

Wow i am so glad i stumbled across this little gem of a discussion. I was feeling down so thought i'd google 'sick of being single' and saw this. I'm in the same boat but ever so frustrated about it. I'm a 24yr old woman so is loving, fun but i am very shy. I have never had a boyfriend i believe because of this. However a few months back i met an old school friend through Facebook, he had changed alot since i remembered. Anyway we started to get along like mates which was fine with me and we went to the cinema a few times. Then the hugs started, the first time i felt abit awkward then it just felt lovely. Like feeling safe and protected. So this has been going on for a few weeks and one evening on fb he says he likes me and when we had last met wanted to kiss me. I wasn't sure because of his background but i have recently thought of him more and more. I'm now really frustrated because since that conversation he hasnt spoken to me or even replied to my friendly texts. Grrr!!! I'm so annoyed because he left it like that with me feeling mixed emotions. I'm also worried that he might be put off if i'm clingy and is just playing games and now sees that if i like him too it's boring! I don't like playing games and it further pushes me away from wanting to meet guys.

[lizriz]

Ug. �That sounds like a perfect description of someone you should forget about. �I always think, "Would I do that to someone?" If the answer is no, than why give that person any more of your time and energy?

On Oct 22, 2009, at 8:56 AM, typepad@sixapart.com wrote:

<email_header.png> <spacer.gif> <spacer.gif> <spacer.gif> <spacer.gif> NEW! More options for replying to comments via email: To reply privately to the commenter, click on the commenter's email address below. To reply publicly on your blog, reply to this email. A new comment from “Sarah” was received on the post “I am so sick of being single I could scream.” of the blog “Everyday Goddess”. Comment:

Wow i am so glad i stumbled across this little gem of a discussion. I was feeling down so thought i'd google 'sick of being single' and saw this. I'm in the same boat but ever so frustrated about it. I'm a 24yr old woman so is loving, fun but i am very shy. I have never had a boyfriend i believe because of this. However a few months back i met an old school friend through Facebook, he had changed alot since i remembered. Anyway we started to get along like mates which was fine with me and we went to the cinema a few times. Then the hugs started, the first time i felt abit awkward then it just felt lovely. Like feeling safe and protected. So this has been going on for a few weeks and one evening on fb he says he likes me and when we had last met wanted to kiss me. I wasn't sure because of his background but i have recently thought of him more and more. I'm now really frustrated because since that conversation he hasnt spoken to me or even replied to my friendly texts. Grrr!!! I'm so annoyed because he left it like that with me feeling mixed emotions. I'm also worried that he might be put off if i'm clingy and is just playing games and now sees that if i like him too it's boring! I don't like playing games and it further pushes me away from wanting to meet guys. Commenter name: Sarah Commenter email: Not Shared (Learn more.) IP address: 90.220.240.250 Authentication: None Enjoy!

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[no name]

i just always get dumped. :(
i suppose i'm not worth it?
who knows.
i'm 26 and because of guys life has been sucked out of me.
i shouldn't let their cruelness do this to me but it's hard.
it just hurts being a nice person and getting stepped on every time. and even afterwards when they hurt you to be nice and they and their friends treat you badly...including pple who go to your church.
so i just cry every night with no one to understand. it would be nice to have some help. i cry out for help and still no one helps.
i've already been admitted to the hospital for depression. but people never wake up until you do something really drastic.

[Marina]

no name, you sound like you're in a really bad place, emotionally speaking.

Maybe you should take a break from guys/relationships. Concentrate on your career and doing things you love. Learn that you are worth it, no matter what any guy may think.

If the guys you've been with don't know how to end a relationship decently and are friends with people who hurt you, they are the ones who aren't worth it. I think that you know that, deep down. And I think that you also know that hurting yourself is not the answer. Wake people up to your good qualities with something positive, not the negative. They're not truly waking up otherwise, only reacting out of duty and pity.

Anyway, I don't mean to sound like I have all the answers, but your post scared me, it sounds like you're contemplating a suicide attempt. No guy is worth that. So, whatever you do, get yourself strong and make sure that HE is the worthy one next time.

[KB]

I am so glad I just saw this blog. I have been feeling rather bad lately as a guy I was interested in said he wants to keep our relationship professional. I have known him for years and am disappointed he didn't even say we could stay "friends." I have a disability and use a wheelchair and find that most times I express interest in a guy, they are turned off. My friend who also has a disability also questions why guys can't just be friends--it's all or nothing. We are tired of being made to feel worthless after we express interest in someone. (In my case, a few guys have written me e-mails saying they are so impressed with my accomplishments, and then when I ask them to hang out, they can't be bothered or run for the hills). And we are tired of going to events alone.

[disillusioned]

Aren't you people missing a rather obvious point? Namely the millions of people trapped in a living hell of a marriage that are even sicker than you are?

Fact is over half of marriages end in divorce and 70% of divorces are filed by women. I recently read a poll that asked married people to answer the question "could you describe your marriage as happy, basically". A whopping 38% yes...Impressivve, no?

I'm a 39yo male, successful, 6'4" and attractive enough that women routinely signal to me with eye contact just wondering around. I'm never married with no kids and totally un-willing on the later and unsure on the first.

WHY???

Feminism has done this to ALL of us. Educate yourselves using keywords search;

"marriage strike" "marriage raw deal for men"

congratulations.

[Chris]

It has always amazed me that both men and women complain about the same things in relationships, but neither side is willing take ownership of the problem.

Let's be clear on something. Attraction isn't a choice. If you aren't getting the type of people you want to date, it is because YOU are doing something to prevent it, consciously or sub-consciously. I am probably not one to talk but I have been able to see it for myself and see it in myself more times than I care to remember.

I am a 27 year old male, college educated, attractive, albeit not male model attractive. I am intelligent, both academically and socially. I also have a stable job, I am emotionally mature and I can commit to relationships (both romantic and platonic) pretty easily. From what most women say, I should be having them beating down my door constantly. I even get the, "How on earth are you still single?" mantra from all my female (and male) married friends more times than not. But, single women typically don't even give me a second glance. Why? I'm not so sure. If you asked me that 5 years ago, I would say because they were stuck up snobs that only want hot guys with money. But I am a little more realistic about it now. The fact that I have only had a handful of relationships in the last 10 years is a pretty good indicator that it is something I am doing that is causing my problems, not the other way around. Hence my earlier comment about attraction not being a choice. I have no idea what I do to turn that switch off, but it is really frustrating.

Before I go, I want to give all the women reading a quick word of advice. Your finding a bunch of worthless men because you are consistently going after the loud minority. Men who treat women like crap make themselves available and noticeable. The vast majority of good guys are drowned out by these men. If you want to find a good guy, look in places you never thought to look before. Chances are, there are a lot of good guys interested in you that you never even noticed before because you were too busy looking at the offending few.

[Marina]

Hi Chris, you sound awesome on paper... so here I go beating down your (e)door: if you're in the LA area or plan to be in the near future, we should meet up for coffee! And if I'm not feeling it, I'll try to give an honest reason why.

[madalicedj]

After 4yr my bf has split with me again cause Im not good enough My sons not good enough I am wrong to flip out at getting no affection other than sex and seeing him once a wk
Im the fool for hanging on for beliving he would settle n have kids with me Hes the one with issues. But I cant get over the pain its only been a few days No family or friends near as I moved over 300miles to be close to him no i wont go back either im a failure im lost if you can tell me the day i will wake up and be able to look back on this ok let me know so i can sleep till then Found out hes been just the same with previous gfs too. but he denies it
i just wanted to be with the man i loved to see him nothing major
4yrs
what a waste
im so sick of being single i feel ive been single even when i was with him
ur posts is spot on

[Rebecca Vaughan]

I was so sick of the whole game I gave up... no really...gave UP about 10 years ago. I have had my heart broken four times (I am 47 now) and I am just done. I know this in my soul. I am very sad and lonely but I just cannot go through the whole mess. The blog entry was so right on. Said it better than I ever could.

[Liz]

Chris - Look, if a man can't be as outgoing, risk taking, and confident as I am, I'm not interested. I'd rather be single than date or be a shrinking violet.

Everybody else - Hang in there! Life ebbs and flows, and we're all just along for the ride. I got through this moment in my life and there have been many ups and downs since it. I just keep holding on to the ups and have faith that they will come again.

[ness]

oh god please, thanks to this thread. dont even get me started. i m 28 year old, tall and pretty looking gay girl. i mean there is not one even i go to with out people telling me how i look good and pretty, and mind you this is not coming from gay guys, and here i am close to being 29 and been single for the last 2 ve years. i have dated the prettiest women only to have got dumped 3 months later or they telling them that they dont want a relationship.
i either find hot women i have nothing in common with and i wonder what i m doing with them or really nice girsl who want to give me their whole world and i just dont have an attraction for or even hope that some thing like that would emergy from the little petals deep in my heart... what a sadness.
i go out and i think this girl has a girl friend and whats wrong with me, the last date i got rejected by a girl who i went out with who wasnt even attractive... believe that. i put my standard down and still doesnt work.... so here i am before i tattoo my Forehead with a big L and brand my self as a complete loser, i thought why not come and see what u fine people have to say. why cant some one who i find attractive want me the same way and stay with me......... ahhh...

[MsMaverick2010]

I just have to say Tu-shay I feel the say way.

[Kyle]

"DON'T COME TO DINNER EMPTY HANDED" women just want money.

[addie]

join the club sistah! :-'( its even worse if you are attractive looking. Then your familes and friends just think that there is something wrong with you, for being single for so long.

[Dominika]

Thank you for this post! It looks like I am attracted to emotionally unavailable men. I feel stuck and it really sucks! They show their interest in you, but once you start showing your interest in them and God forbid you start talking about your feelings towards them or your emotional involvement they run away as far as they can leaving you dissapointed and hurt. They behave like little boys no matter how old they are. It looks like this emotionally withdrawn type will only want you when you are withdrawn yourself. This is ridiculous! You, emotionally unavailable men better get in touch with your own feelings. What the hell are you afraid of? It is not like you are "in it" by yourself! What is it so scary about commitment? Yeah, yeah, you were hurt, burnt, etc. I have heard it all before. Well, I have something to tell you: Life is a bitch but also it is about taking risks. Start taking some responsibity. If you don't plan to be in a relationship or want commitment say so in the very beginning. Why bother? There is a huge difference between "unavailable" and "emotionally unavailable." And if you are that second type, please, do me a favour and stop chasing me around!

[Nancy]

I so appreciate this post..You have hit it on the head. I am so sick of being single and dealing with noting but insecure, mentally, physically, sexually, and psychologically warped men! For God sakes do these men even have the capacity to be with another person in a healthy, loving and intelligent relationship or to have any real idea what Love is??? This is a huge problem in Washington state as well as LA. Perhaps it is just everywhere anymore.. Girls we put ourselves out there as healthy, intelligent, loving people but we can't seem to draw the same kind of person into our lives..We have to change that thing inside of us I guess that draws on this type of man..We can't be caretakers..We deserve to be loved and respected and treated special in an honest relationship with a man !!!!

[NK]

I am absolutely sick of being single too. I've experienced the 'you're not my girlfriend but I love you and still want to be with you'. It didn't make sense to me and after 3 years of 'not being in a relationship' with him and putting up with his crap, I'm free. I wasted my time with someone who treated me like crap and this is something my friends had to point.
I haven't been able to meet any decent men -the kind i'm sure we all search for...that are out there. And those that I meet that appear decent don't want to be in a relationship.
I don't want to sound desperate but I've searched and I've waited but I can't seem to meet the right guy for me. Some days I feel like I'll be single forever. I'm only 22, but I'm still worried.