Mr. and Mrs. Married

This post is cross-posted over at BlogHer.

I'll admit it.  I'm a single, heterosexual girl on the prowl.  Ravingly heterosexual, actually, but maybe it's just that time of the month.  The time of the month when men seem to appear out of the wordwork and all be looking at me.  Like big, juicy steaks of man meat.

Hey, I keep my eyes and my heart open to the possibilities.  Which annoyingly means:  The Question.  "Do you know if 5th Floor is single?"

To find out his availability, I have to ask someone.  I have to let someone know I'm asking.  Suddenly:  Sixteen Again.  I always get an urge to ask someone to pass a note in study hall immediately after The Information Gathering Session.

And Smug Marrieds are useless, you know.  They have their relationship bliss and their relationship problems and, blinded by their jealously of the carefree freedom of singlehood (ha!), they could care less about spending a little effort on their lonely, single friends.

I was pondering this particular life annoyance from the 11th floor bathroom, when I had a sudden realization.  Undoubtably colored by my recent reading and watching of certain historical fictions, and also learning that there's no "Ms." in Spanish, I suddenly understood the brillance of "Miss" and "Mrs." 

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a "Ms." all the way.  But when everyone was a Miss or a Mrs., and men were the only pursuit side of the hetero romance equation, Miss or Mrs. branded you available or not available.  No one had to ask, because everyone knew.

Nowadays, a single girl needs to know these things.

Nowadays, if you're not on MySpace or Friendster...  Man, I have to *ask* somebody, and it's such a total bummer.

How useful would it be if there was a married and single version of Mr.?  SO USEFUL.

Comments

[Valerie]

ahhhhhhhhh, so with you on that. RIngs don't help AT ALL. Most guys don't wear them. (&#($&(%&(#$@

[Jdub]

Isn't 'Master' the way unmarried men are supposed to be referred to? Or is that just young men?

[claire]

Then if you had buds in the mail room, you'd be set. ;)

[Bill T]

I prefer it ambiguous. Men must retain their mystery in this age of forward women and their wanton ways ;)

Now, down to practicalities. This gentleman has an office? It is highly likely that he has at least a photo of the dearest in it somewhere. No photo? not proof, but a good sign. Check his car. Bachelormobile? Does he have a timekeeper or a payroll clerk? Check deductions. Better yet, look at his benefits plans. Again, not proof (and somewhat unethical) but good indicators (and this is Hollywood. The Pelican didn't grow in a vacuum).

Or, just strike up a conversation. "Wow, this gloom just never lifts does it? It wasn't like this in Florida where I come from, how about you?" You're the writer/director, come up with something. Meet cute.

[michelle]

Oh baby do I feel your pain. oof.