I've been fighting with a size medium pair of peach-with-gray-flowers Victoria's Secret cotton bikini underwear all day. This pair has not yet fallen apart - which tends to happen to Victoria's Secret cotton bikini underwear surprisingly quickly - however, they have a tendency to slide down in the front. One might think that perhaps I am wearing the wrong size, however, the surplus of fabric in the back seems to belie this.
Further, when wearing the medium size, not only is there too much fabric in the back, causing me to continually readjust them forward, but the sheer mass of extra fabric somehow seems to cause them to bunch up into my butt crack. I can solve this particular problem by buying smalls. Which cut into my skin, look horrible under my clothes, and clearly do not fit at all. But smalls do stay far, far away from my asshole, which counts for something, I guess.
When considering the odd design and construction of my Victoria's Secret cotton bikini underwear - fleeting though it may be - it occurs to me that noone who designs Victoria's Secret cotton bikini underwear actually has an ass. This is a logical conclusion I have come to after years of being assaulted by Victoria's Secret marketing, which features and speaks to absolutely no one who is anything like me.
Why I have continued to buy underwear from a store that clearly doesn't consider me part of their customer demographic, I have no idea. (Hint: lazy) Hey, I like to be sexy. My lingerie purchases extend far afield from my practical cotton underwear. But clearly, the average Victoria's Secret customer is a man. Who fantasizes about women who are nothing like me. Yeah, that makes me want to buy some underwear.
Hey! I'm going to go to Victoria's Secret so I can look like absolute crap in underwear designed for supermodels with no ass!
Everyday on my way home from work, driving down Hollywood Blvd., I am faced with the side of a very large building featuring a pile of naked women. This billboard is apparently meant to interest men in Victoria's Secret make-up. 'Cause it sure as heck ain't talking to me.
Wait, yes, it is talking to me. But it's not saying anything nice, and it's not making me want to buy Victoria's Secret make-up.
Hey, marketers, want to get my attention? How about a billboard that features Ben Affleck and Matt Damon buck naked, testing the waist bands of Victoria's Secret cotton bikini underwear? Of course, the problem here is that the waistbands wouldn't hold up and we only show famous women naked on billboards. But hey, maybe Victoria's Secret underwear would actually fit Ben and Matt better than it fits me. Perhaps that's the secret.
This blogger is taking suggestions for a new underwear brand.