Happy pagan new year, or Samhain.
To most modern Pagans, while death is still the central theme of the festival this does not mean it is a morbid event. For Pagans, death is not a thing to be feared. Old age is valued for its wisdom and dying is accepted as a part of life as necessary and welcome as birth. While Pagans, like people of other faiths, always honour and show respect for their dead, this is particularly marked at Samhain. Loved ones who have recently died are remembered and their spirits often invited to join the living in the celebratory feast. It is also a time at which those born during the past year are formally welcomed into the community. As well as feasting, Pagans often celebrate Samahin with traditional games such as apple-dooking.
Death also symbolises endings and Samhain is therefore not only a time for reflecting on mortality, but also on the passing of relationships, jobs and other significant changes in life. A time for taking stock of the past and coming to terms with it, in order to move on and look forward to the future.
I've realized this week the parallels between myself at 26 and myself at 36. When I was 26, I was plagued with a sense of not knowing what I wanted to do with my life or where I was going. It was the year I began the big decisions and the big changes. Called off my wedding. Started on a path that lead me to directing and to film school and to Los Angeles.
Ten years later, here I am. I know what I want to do (direct), but I'm buried in debt and I don't know how to move from this place of negative net worth and no meaningful career. I feel frustrated and unsure and wander-y, and, well look at that - that feels just like me at 26, but with a whole hell of a lot more debt.
And I wonder if this is the year I begin the big decisions and the big changes.
I'm applying to the DGA Assistant Directors Training Program. I need to wake up totally psyched about where I'm going. I need to be on set. I need to spend my days doing work I'm good at and that I find rewarding. I need to help create film and television, one way or another.
The bottom line is, if I'm an assistant director of any level, I will be a happier, more satisfied person, so I'm going to go for it. I need to start working my ass off at work that makes me happy every single day, not just nights and weekends.
The application is long, the competition fierce, and the timing (with the potential strikes) is horrible.
Ah, just the way I like it.