OK, look, we need a rule. And the rule is, that the men in my life - *all* the men in my life - are people. They are individuals with names.
They are not part of some strange species called "men" to be lumped together and guarded or railed against. They are individual people, each with personal attributes and flaws.
They aren't always perfect. They don't always act or feel the way I would choose. Sometimes they are inconsiderate and hurt me. But they are still people, and people make mistakes and people are not perfect.
I do not dismiss people for being imperfect. I do not lump people who are imperfect. I do not stop caring about and valuing the men in my life because they are imperfect and don't always act as I might wish or want what I want. I take them for who they are and what they have to offer.
Yes, some people are evil, dysfunctional cheating garbage, but that is the rare exception and that says nothing about the men in my life right now.
And further. Look, I understand that the Hunky Actor and I have been broken up for just two months. I understand that we broke up and got back together more than once. So I understand that it's difficult to understand how we could so quickly become friends and just friends.
I get it if you think my heart is involved or still hanging on. I get it if you're just waiting for us to get back together.
But my recommendation is not to put money on that bet because you will lose it.
The simple fact is that the Hunky Actor and I are friends, just friends, and btw becoming really good friends. The kind of friends who may create stories and laughs together to share with the world. The kind of friends who talk on the phone about movies and dating and the industry, and the kind of friends who hug goodbye. And let me tell you, I need all the hugs I can get.
So I trust that with time our friendship will become something you can believe in, because I already do and I'm not letting it go.
That's how CHris and I are too, or we will be, once he gets all his boxes of s*&$ out of my house...
BUt really, we both acknowledge that we have a deep love FOR one another, we just aren't in love. And the frienship was what kept us together all those years, despite knowing it wasn't working. So at the end of the day, I'm looking forward to just having my friend back.
Posted by: jessica | August 01, 2008 at 04:57 AM
Jessica - That's such a great comment, because I did feel love in my relationship with the Hunky Actor, but it was always off somehow. Now I know how. We make much better friends, and now I feel like that was always there but we both didn't want to see it. A week after the breakup, that's exactly how I felt, looking forward to the friendship.
Posted by: Liz | August 01, 2008 at 07:59 AM
You know it's going to be an ass kicking when it starts with "OK, look..."
The only thing worse is "OK, listen...."
Good for you for standing up for PEOPLE.
Posted by: Miss Britt | August 01, 2008 at 09:36 AM
((((((((((((((((HUGZ))))))))))))))))))
Posted by: Will Campbell | August 01, 2008 at 05:05 PM
Miss Britt - That's right! I'm a people stander upper! Rock on.
Will - :) Hugz right back at ya!
Posted by: Liz | August 02, 2008 at 08:59 AM
Men are People Too. Great title!
@lindasherman
Posted by: Linda Sherman | August 02, 2008 at 02:49 PM
I like this. Sometimes, it is too easy to demonize men and turn our relationships with them into this horrid push-pull, but you're right. They are people and they deserve to be treated like human beings, not like cannon fodder.
Good for you and HAB that you're discovering your friendship and letting it be.
Posted by: Lessa | August 04, 2008 at 07:13 AM