I've read, more than once, how bad and annoying it is when women talk around sweets about how they "can't be bad" and/or "can't eat that." And I hear what people are saying about that, and I agree that it's not a good thing.
So now when I do it, there's a little voice in my head making me feel bad for what's coming out of my mouth. "You're doing that thing," I think.
I try to shut up or at least tone it down or change the script a little. "Thank you, but I had Valentine's chocolate this morning," I said the other night, when offered donuts. "So I've already had a treat for today."
Here's the thing. I'm not so great with the willpower. If you followed me around for a while, you might think that's not true, what with my primarily vegetarian South Beach diet. For the most part, I eat really well, and I do a good job of balancing healthy eating with the occasional treat.
It certainly helps that I truly enjoy eating the way I do.
But the reality is, I can't have snacks at home that are mine, because I will eat them. I have to mentally and firmly compartmentalize my roommate's sweets as "Not Mine." If I start the day with something sweet, I will eat poorly all day. If I start regularly eating sweets and bad fats, I will completely start eating all sorts of crap.
Remember: A Cookie is a Sometime Food. (Ironically, because I'm on South Beach, I also watch my consumption of the sweeter fruits, but you get the point.)
It is getting easier as time goes on to just naturally eat right. I do feel less tempted, and since starting South Beach, I don't often crave things that are bad for me unless they're right in front of me. But I'm conscious that it would be so easy to slip back into bad carb city. And I do have to face temptation regularly. I do have to plan ahead or go out of my way sometimes to eat right when I get super busy.
Some asides:
- I always find it funny when I'm in a convenience store and there's like basically nothing there I would eat. Rows and rows of candy and fatty snacks. Gross.
- I have been eating more bananas lately. They are usually not too sweet, and obviously, good for you.
- The banana is the world's most annoying food. They are unripe forever, then good for about 2.7 minutes, and then bad again.
- My kingdom for a drive-thru that could hand me something that's vegetarian and South Beach that I can eat in the car. Like a lettuce wrap, maybe. A banana seriously doesn't cut it for dinner.
- My boyfriend made steak for Valentine's Day (with a cream sauce!), and damn it was good. Moderation is my friend.
When I overeat carbs like white bread and white rice and egg noodles, etc., I get that shaky carb crash that makes me feel like I need to sit down and eat some crackers or something. I've had that my whole life, and it sucks, and when I eat South Beach, it's completely gone. It's totally not part of my life anymore.
And I like being a size 8, thank you very much. I like who I am when I eat the way I strive to eat. It feels good.
But when I'm faced with a table of sweets, I look at them and sometimes they are so tempting that the only way I can avoid eating something I really don't want to eat is to tell someone I don't want it. Because it adds pressure not to. Because it's literally *that* difficult for me not to eat a donut. And then another donut. And then just screw it all and eat whatever pleases me in the moment until I've gained 10, 15, 20 pounds. And that's not OK with me.
Still. The next step is to move the monologue inside. I do feel like those words are harmful out in the ether. I do feel like I need to keep this particular mental struggle to myself, so no one has to hear it. And/or continue to work on exactly what I'm saying. I thought the bit about the Valentine's candy wasn't too bad. And true, too, btw.
I feel like it's time to own my positive desire for good food and controlled indulging. It is, after all, My Truth.
No matter how much fleeting pleasure scarfing a dozen Krispy Kremes would provide.
And then there's this, that I read on Fitness Fixation, Shari’s New Adventure For Her Girl, about a conversation she had with her nutritionist:
She told me it was important that I follow the same diet as the rest of my family. No, she wasn’t suggesting that I eat hot dogs and french fries and mac n’ cheese above everything else. Only that I prepare and eat the same meals that I make for everyone else. She said kids (especially girls) pick up on when their parents (especially moms) eat differently. They internalize these cues and learn to think that girls and women eat different things than boys and men. And then she told me a story to illustrate this point. She had this client who struggled with eating disorders her entire life. She managed to get herself healthy enough to have children but continued to be controlling with her food habits. One night, while her family was eating supper and she was having her usual salad, her young daughter started to cry. When her mother asked her what was wrong, the girl replied, “When do I have to stop eating regular food and start having salads instead?”
That totally slayed me. So much that you have to wonder if it's BS, but seriously, clearly you've got to find a balance and a way that the whole family can eat together. And if you are abstaining from something, it's because you honestly and firmly don't want it. And you do enjoy the occasional treat.
I am beyond thankful that I live somewhere where both men and women are focused on healthy eating, that's for sure. Not everyone's on the same plan, and certainly different people eat different ways that work for them, but you're rarely in a situation where all the women are dieting and all the men have beer guts. One thing I've never got a taste for is BS.
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