One of my favorite life moments of sexism happened when I was an undergrad. I was just starting to change some girl's tire with a sorority sister when a trunk rolled up. "Do you girls even know what you're doing?" a man drawled as he walked up, eyeing us with skeptical amusement.
In my memory, we just threw up our hands and walked away. Hey, man, if you wanna do the work, you go for it. Be our guest.
I've been thinking of that moment recently because I seem to have hit a spat of something that feels similar. It starts with my suitcase for BlogHer.
On the way to BlogHer, my suitcase was 48 pounds. Heavy, but not too bad. On the way back, it was 60. Yes, it would have been cheaper if I had two bags. If this is THAT big a deal to you, btw, you're too cheap to date me.
So, 60-pound suitcase. Here's what happens when you warn the bag check guys (2 of them), the bellman, the cab driver, and the guy at the baggage belt at JFK:
Liz: Careful, it's really heavy
Man: Rolls eyes, grabs bag firmly, almost kills self, feels compelled to grin sheepishly and admit that yes, indeedy, that suitcase is really heavy.
Liz: Told ya.
Each time, though, I thought, Hm... Gray Hair or Vagina?
I'm beginning to wonder if I'm getting more of this sort of thing lately due to my gray hair. It confuses perception of my age - and since older women are often registered and mentally dismissed before a real look, it can have a rather noted effect in casual circumstances - or if it's simply a matter of my lady bits and all the wonderful assumptions they often bring with them.
It doesn't really matter, of course. For one thing, it made for rather amusing encounter after amusing encounter, although I'm glad no one actually hurt themselves on my 60-pound suitcase. And since I'm not planning to give up my lady bits or my gray hair anytime soon, the effects of both are simply life to be navigated.
But today: Grateful when silly assumptions amuse me.
hehehe It's not your gray hair. :)
Unless a woman looks like she's on leave from the Armed Forces, guys are going to imagine she has no physical ability whatsoever.
When you say "This is heavy", guys hear "I can't do anything athletic, so I perceive this light bag to be heavy".
Posted by: Bill Cammack | August 20, 2010 at 05:08 AM
lol In 2010, really? So many people are athletic in L.A., that just seems silly to me. I really need to start working out again so I can show some arm muscles!
Posted by: lizriz | August 20, 2010 at 06:35 AM
How about both?
I had to begin coloring my hair in my early 20s, but I like to joke that I will go gray, when my grandmas go gray. And I suspect both will be buried with their non-gray hair. :-D
Posted by: cagey | August 20, 2010 at 08:26 AM
If I might quote a not-to-be-named male colleague, who was asked to help with a stack of numerous, but not individually heavy, boxes: "Ok, but I can't break a sweat."
This is Manhattan, the city (well, borough- as a Brooklyn resident I feel we're nicer) that will not get up for a pregnant lady on a crowded train (been there too).
God forbid, gray hair or vagina, that you should truly be in need of some assistance here on the East Coast!
Posted by: Karen Hawkins | August 23, 2010 at 01:52 PM
Cagey - No both! No gray hair in this vagina! LOL
Karen - I was in New York! Everyone seemed pretty helpful, but the only ones involved with my suitcase were being paid for that. :) Love your coworker, though. Hey, he's got priorities!
Posted by: lizriz | September 02, 2010 at 07:49 PM