I'm trying very hard not to panic.
I started this post on March 2. As in, I typed in the title and a different first line and then I saved a draft. At the time, "146" was the number on the scale. The weight that bumps me into an "overweight" BMI. The weight at which I really start to see it and feel it. Long past the weight at which my cute winter clothes from LAST YEAR stopped fitting. The cute clothes I didn't get to wear this year after my late summer/fall eat-through-the-stress-a-thon.
This week the scale says 147.5.
I knew there was a problem, and I gained a pound and a half. And I know my body. This isn't I-stepped-on-the-scale-one-day and it said 147.5 and I'm freaking out. I am solidly up to 147.5. More of my clothes don't fit, and I've suddenly got this tummy-sticking-out thing I don't feel like I've ever had before, even the couple times in my life that I've gone over 150.
And I'm trying really hard not to panic because I know how to be healthy. I've already been taking steps this year, and the biggest one, I feel, is that I've SERIOUSLY got to start exercising more. Doing more cardio. Especially since I don't feel like hard-core dieting right now.
But I stopped obviously overeating and I started doing some cardio and I still gained a pound and a half.
I am CLINGING to the fact that I received Just Dance 3 for the Wii from Nintendo last week, and I love it, and I've been dancing my ass off with it since the day it walked in the door. (Note: I received this for free because I'm a Nintendo Brand Ambassador.)
I am CLINGING to the fact that I live close enough to work to bike and I have a nice bike and I WILL start biking to work once a week. I'm actually HAPPY that I am going to get my car air conditioning fixed in April and that that is going to put me in a position where I have to pop the cherry of biking to work for the first time.
I am CLINGING to the fact that I feel strong and healthy and am able to exercise and buy good healthy food. I know that's important, and I'm thankful for that.
A small, odd consolation I've noticed: Now that my fat is all pooling in my tummy, butt, and thighs, I don't have back fat. Weird, but I'll take it. I wish I got more consolation out of bigger breasts, but really, they just stretch out all my bras so that I'll have to buy all new ones again when I lose the weight. And good bras are expensive. Sigh.
So. 147.5. The new line. The last line.
I will figure this out. I can do this.
But for now, here's what 146 looked like:
In the meantime, if I say I don't want desert, I DON'T WANT DESERT.