Everyday Goddess

The Curse of Valuable Things

For a few months now everytime I would sit on my couch, I would look at the DVD shelves on the wall across from me and have a mental conversation. On one side, there was the fact that the DVD shelf was definitely next on the chopping block that is the Quest To Have Less Things. On the other side, necessity and timing. The apartment was clean, and I finally fit fairly comfortably into it, so do I really need to get rid of things right now? And with the projects I have going on currently, is it really the time to be starting another big sort?

And then the day came when I thought to myself, I'll just sort out some of the DVDs to take to Amoeba.

And then, I'll just work on the top two shelves of the bookshelves to fit the DVDs I'm keeping for now.

And then, my living room exploded.

And now, I'm fairly pleased with this:

It's crazy how much I've gotten rid of, and I still have two full bookshelves with games on top. (Although, at this point I could put the games in a closet if I wanted to, so clearly I like having them out.)

What I've not taken a picture of is the now giant pile of valuable things that need to be disposed of that are piled up on the wall with the empty DVD shelves. Where I can stare at them from the couch.

Up until now, I've been doing thrift store runs and just dropping things off. And I have another run like that to do. But I've gotten to a point where many of the things really should be sold, both because they have some value and because I could really use the cash.

Selling things, however, is a time consuming process and a new challenge. And not my most important priority except that I really would love to get this stuff out of my apartment. I've been thinking of it as "the curse of valuable things."

I'm attacking it the same way I do everything else. One thing at a time, whatever's in front of me to do. I'm trying not to focus on the whole pile, but rather, what one bit of it is the next to deal with. What's one thing I can fit into a week that decreases the pile.

And hopefully by the end of the summer, I'll have a picture of an empty wall to post.

Happy Independence Day!

June Jam

It was bound to get better. It was bound to get great.

Year after year I kept my chin up. Kept moving. Kept hoping.

Years of New Years. This one will be better. This one will be better.

And then it was. 2012, I think I love you.

I’ve been thinking lately that I really rather tripped into my 40s. I’m a June baby, and the second half of 2011 was absurd for me in every direction. Like a giant crescendo of absurdity. I felt like I jumped onto a fountain and went up, up, up, and then the water cut off, and I went flying over the finish line of three rough years.

Straight into 2012, the first six months of which have been pretty amazing.

You might not think so, but for me, it’s true. I’ve been directing, I’ve been learning, I’ve been meeting new people. I’ve been paying attention, braving challenges, and owning my truth.

I’ve also been frustrated, and disappointed, and humbled. I want to move, but I can’t. I wish I had more money, but I don’t. I wish I was living with and sharing my life with a man who I love, but I'm not.

Which is to say, that I've discovered that happiness is something that exists inside you everyday, no matter what's going on.

What's going on now is, I've shot one episode of a web series premiering in the fall called "WRNG in Studio City." (I'm episode six!)

I've partnered up with an amazing group of people, and we're launching a Kickstarter campaign in about a week for a romantic comedy feature film titled, "Missing Miranda."

And in everything I'm doing and learning, I am keeping "Zero Sight" tucked close to my heart. Best case scenario, we shoot "Missing Miranda" and then I'm able to roll right into "Zero Sight."

I've been dating. I've been exercising. I've started a new big sort through my stuff. This time I'm at things I'm going to try to sell on Craigslist, etc. It's very challenging.

Have I mentioned on the blog that I think that going through my stuff is like my weird hobby? Like seriously, it's like what I do for fun besides exercising and hanging out with my friends.

This month, things got a little full. I was joking with my friend Kerry that I began to believe in abundance, and then the abundance was kicking my ass!

That's a thing about L.A. No matter how good I get with my choices and my scheduling, sometimes you just hit a couple weeks where everything's just landing at once. So with any luck, you keep making choices, scheduling, and enjoy the fact that you're working your ass off on things that you love.

Now, glad to be coming up for a little air, and after two weeks of no exercise to speak of, I got back in the saddle yesterday and biked to work. Fingers crossed for weekend yoga!!! Also looking forward to some YAS, hiking, and pilates in July. It's gorgeous in L.A., and I can't wait to get out into the summer.

And summer's here, because my birthday is here! It's tomorrow, and I can hardly believe it.

Grateful every day.

~

Linky Goodness:

3 Keys to Staying Present under Pressure - Jerry Stocking on Tiny Buddha

Balls of Steel: Balance - Jeanne Veillette Bowerman on Script

settle - Karen Maezen Miller on cheerio road

May Play: Wrap Up

Well, I exercised 24 days out of 31 in May. Fridays proved to be the least likely day for body movement. I kept flat out forgetting what I planned to do on Fridays, weird as that sounds. Like I was planning to walk at lunch last Friday, but I totally forgot and didn't bring different shoes to work. Or I'd plan to do stretch/abs after work and then wake up Saturday and realize that it totally didn't happen. Does seem like a bit of selective memory going on.

It's important to realize that the main goal of May Play was to not be sedentary. So I'm saying "exercise" for lack of a better word, but I counted even a 30-minute walk or a session of stretch and abs.

Yes, the body needs rest from exercise, but at the same time, one should be able to simply move about for 30 minutes every day. It's our modern lives that make it challenging to be an active being on the planet.

The most difficult days are weekday work days. If I bike to work, then I've done it. But on days I'm not biking to work, then I have to walk at lunch, or exercise before work - not my fav - or after work, which only works if I don't have plans that night.

So making this change has been very challenging. I haven't lost any weight really, but I definitely feel stronger.  (I'm making some changes to my diet involving the amount of cheese, butter, and bread in my diet, so that should help with the fat tummy I'm rocking right now. I'm getting really tired of pulling clothes on and then off because they don't fit.)

One good thing I noticed is that when the goal is to exercise/move every single day, it really changes my perspective. When I would try to exercise once a week, then if I missed that day suddenly a few weeks would go by. And yet it still seemed like I was just skipping one thing, so not that big a deal. When the goal is every day, if I CAN exercise then I feel very motivated to do so. By thinking about how to add exercise every single day, the amount of exercise I'm actually pulling off is going up, up, up.

Coming into a busy June, I'm going to continue on with my increased physical activity. It feels great, it's (finally!) getting easier, and it's definitely increasing my energy levels. And exercise is SO important to mental and physical longitivity.

I'll close out May Play with a book recommendation: Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain by John J. Ratey. It gets pretty heavy with the neuroscience, but after I read it my dedication to physical health increased tenfold. Move that body, people! Secret to life.

Halfway Through May Play!

It is rather absurdly difficult to be active for at least 30 minutes every day. So far, I've missed two Fridays because I meant to come home and do a full-body stretch plus abs or Just Dance 3 on the Wii, and I completely forgot.

I missed a Saturday because I wasn't in the mood.

And today I thought I'd get some walking in between the metro and where I'm going tonight... only to find out that where I'm going is literally at the subway stop. So talking the stairs in and out of the subway is going to have to cut it for today.

The increase in activity has been challenging physically, too. I've biked to work twice a week for 3 weeks now, and that ride home is kinda rough. At the end of the work day I think, Am I really going to get on my bike right now? Is this really happening right now? And then I just get on the bike and ride home, because thinking about it isn't gonna get it done.

When I get home I carry my bike up a flight of stairs to my apartment, and I think about that as the cherry on top. Woohoo!

So last week I biked a total of 20 miles and walked a total of 10 miles. Whew!

I've also had moments of feeling better than I have in years. Strong. Empowered.

Every time I get in shape, and it's so hard, I think about how I need to STAY in shape so that I don't have to go through this again. And here I am. Again.

But I'm getting there, and there's no way I'm stopping now. Particularly because of my lifestyle and my ongoing career goals, my health and my mental acuity are just too important to me to let them seep away on my couch.

It's actually really helping to challenge myself to do something EVERY DAY. I've missed a couple days, but I am keeping at it. Feels good.

Hope your May's had some play!

May Play, Day 1: And then I caught a cold.

Seriously.

Yesterday I wanted to get a jump on May by biking to work. I hadn't biked to work before, so this was a mix of wise choices and poor choices. Wise: I pegged my jeans, remembered my water, and used my inhaler. Poor: I buried my tissues in my backpack. So when my nose started to run, it was sniffle, sniffle, sniffle all the way to work.

Stop and dig them out, you're thinking? Pish!

I got to work, blew my nose, and proceeded to triumphantly get on with my day. Except... I couldn't seem to shake off the sniffles. And my face was still red a few hours into the day. My skin around my nose looked all irritated. And by early afternoon I could deny it no longer: I had a cold.

Seriously?!

Now, obviously, I'm not going to get a cold every time I bike to work. I suspect it was already coming on and biking in the morning chill for the first time just swung my immunity door wide open. For the ride home I stuffed my pockets with tissues, took it slow, and stopped several times to blow my nose. Sporty, Oh, YEAH.

So today, the first day of my May Play, I'm home from work with a cold, basically freebasing fresh-squeezed orange juice. I had to cancel my plans for tonight, and I'm not feeling very playful. What to do?

It's just 30 minutes of movement, right? So I thought about the Wii - Maybe if I just do the Just Dance 3 dances really half-assed?

Yeah, that made my head spin to think about.

So I cracked out my Jane Fonda Personal Trainer Series and did one of the 25-minute weight training work outs, plus 1 segment from 5-Day Abs by The Firm. I'm planning to use the personal trainer series a lot this month because one thing I've been thinking about is how May Play isn't about kicking your ass. It's not about boot camp or being Angelina Jolie's body double (although a girl can dream...).

It's just about moving your body for 30 minutes a day, every day. Emphasis on the ease and the fun and the feel-goodness of that.

I've got a lot more exercise tapes that are seriously hard-core, but that's not what this month's about. So I did a little, very light, weight lifting and some ab work, and I'm calling that a Day 1 Win. It didn't burn that many calories, but I feel good about it.

Man, do I love pec flies. Even with 3-pound weights. Oh, yes.

As for my mental state... I'm going back to bed. Sniff.

What did you do today? Hopefully it involved a lot less tissues.

 

May Play! May Play!

Resolved for May: May Play! I'm committing to more playing, physically and mentally.

Physically speaking, I'm committing to at least 30 minutes of exercise every day in May. I've been tracking my food occasionally with My Fitness Pal, and one thing that's jumped out at me is the difference just a small amount of exercise in a day makes. A light workout doesn't make me eat more, but suddenly my normal amount of calorie consumption moves below my calorie goal (since I've "earned" extra calories for the day). Basically, I can eat the way I want (read: drink yummy whole milk and butter) if I just add some exercise.

I've been blown away by how important exercise is since reading "Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain" by John J. Ratey, and I think committing to 30 minutes a day is really going to make a difference in my health. A friend sent me this great video from Dr. Mike Evans, check it out:

My plan involves biking to work, going to yoga and YAS, and Just Dance 3 on my Wii. I'm also planning to bust out some workout tapes and other physical Wii games, like Sports Resort and I just got Punch Out! Basically, if I get to the end of a day and I haven't gotten any exercise, I just have to rev up the Wii for 30 minutes.

And play! May Play!

Mentally speaking, my May Play is about approaching my creative work from a fun, playful place. Both, what makes a particular project fun, appealing, and delightful to its audience, and how can I come at the work that needs to be done from a more playful place. I've been gradually shifting my mindset about the way I approach my projects. I try to remember what it felt like to write stories as a child and a teen, and click into that feeling. More fearless, more free. Less "How Am I Ever Going To Pull This Off?" and more "This Is Awesome!"

I love a big, fat 31-day month. Makes me just want to fill it up with challenging goals and good work. And I'm really looking forward to seeing how I feel on June 1st, physically and mentally, because I think this May is really going to get the rest of me and my year clicking along.

I encourage you to take a look at your calendar - How can you add more play to your May?

May Play! Who's with me?

A Good Year

I'm a big proponent of giving yourself time.

Our world and our minds move so quick these days, but still there are things that take more time than you'd like. Healing after a loss is a big one, for example, be it a death or heartbreak.

People rarely want to give themselves the time these things often take.

2009. 2010. 2011.

These were very challenging years for me. Romantically. Careerwise. Financially.

When I got my current job in October - after one hell of a summer - I decided that the holidays would be the holidays, and 2012 - ALL of 2012 - would be my recovery year. I would get through things one by one, step by step, and I would be kind to myself.

I'm slowly getting through various items on my life-repair to do list.

Routine medical stuff. Financial stuff. Car air conditioning that I *seriously* should have fixed last summer no matter what it took, was finally fixed last week.

Spring cleaning: check.

Creative work: in progress.

Long overdue dental work: next up.

I currently make 20% less per year than I made in 2009. And I am damn glad to make it - let's be clear about that. I crazylove my job right now and about a million things about it.

But, I have to remind myself about that 20%. When I'm frustrated in the supermarket because the money left in my checking account will cover my last few needs of the pay period, but not a frozen pizza. I walk down the aisles mentally moving between sincere gratitude that I have money to buy good food, and deep negative feelings about the fact that I can't afford a treat.

It's really quite absurd.

I promised myself a whole year of recovery, I promised myself kindness and understanding and acceptance, and part of me could barely wait until March to feel angry, frustrated, impatient. Who is this person who's right back to 2002; counting pennies to have enough to pay for parking? Again.

But with 2012 barely four months in, the best of me already knows: This is a very good year.

Even if progress is slow. Even if lessons are painful.

I earned this year. I earned some time. I *will* give myself kindness and ease.

So when part of me looks around and wonders what happened, most of me can only laugh at how life pretzels, and what it takes to learn lessons, and what I've discovered about happiness. The single most important lesson I have learned in life, is that true happiness doesn't come from anything outside of yourself. You have to be happy first, from the inside. Otherwise, you'll achieve some goal, some dream, and then you'll sit and wonder why you're still not happy. And then you'll just strive towards something else that will do the trick. Except it won't. At least, that's how it is for me.

Every day in my shower I give thanks for warm, running water. That's a little miracle so many of us experience every single day. Life is amazing.

My recent successes are small, so small, but they're mine. My life may not impress others, but it sure brings me joy. I'm so grateful for my blessings, and my challenges.

A whole year. A good year.

~

Linky goodness:

What It Means to Live the Dream - by Lori Deschene on Tiny Buddha

the myth of the missing moon - by Karen Maezen Miller on Cheerio Road

On my mind this week, and this is an absolutely beautiful cover by Kappa Danielson:

Welcome to the January BuckleDown

Fit October 2011 - unlike Fit October 2010 where I was a Health Ninja - was a bust. I'm big on giving myself enough time for things, and October was too close to the breakup/company's closing/new job trifecta of necessary adjustment. I could tell I needed more time spent relaxing and focusing on my new job, so I quickly let Fit October go to the dogs. I didn't want to get back on the health track in November or December, so Hello, January! (And Hello and Goodbye, Beer Belly!)

Welcome to the BuckleDown, which is up and running and already feeling good.

I toyed with doing South Beach Phase One again, and will *definitely* be monitoring Kalyn's Kitchen for South Beach Phase One recipes, but ultimately I decided to focus on portion control and Phase Two eating. In large part because I'm getting vegetable delivery from CSA California (my first box was very happymaking), and I'm going to be eating the fruits and potatoes. So no sugar/carb cleanse, just a return to consistantly healthy eating.

I'm using My Fitness Pal to track my eating, exercise, and progress. So far, it is very cool and works really well for me. And Vegetarian Times had a big article in the Jan/Feb 2012 issue about portion control. I may join their Portion-Control challenge which starts on January 15th. I'm aiming my daily calorie consumption at 1400 calorie's a day, but not being *too* militant about it.

In terms of fitness, which I seriously need to kick up a notch, I'll be continuing my mediation and yoga on Sundays, and adding 45-minute Firm workouts two mornings a week before work. I'm going to be rotating my Firm Basics tapes through January, and if I meet my workout goal, I'm going to reward myself with some new Firm workouts from Collage Video.

And I'll also be looking for opportunities to add in some biking or hiking.

But the BuckleDown is not just about fitness. It's also about my creative work. I have much to do! And I'm really looking forward to getting to it. This Saturday day will be my first personal work day of the year, and I can't wait! Really happy about my current choices and scheduling.

Also, with the dating. The dating is fun, and I expect to have a few new dates this month. If they involve exercise, movies, healthy food, and/or entertainment industry talk, all the better.

Now, this post was very with the linky, because I like to share what resources and products I use. None of these links were sponsored or requested in anyway.

January BuckleDown! WOOHOO! FTW.

Getting a jump on January

This December has been crazywonderful. I guess it proves the pendulum theory - last year was a crazyworkdisaster that dumped me out on December 23 like, Wait? What? Christmas? ---Swing The Pendulum--- This year I have a new job I love, a short commute, and I've been blessed with so many wonderful opportunities to spend time and give thanks with friends this month.

I crazylove my Christmas tree this year. I couldn't get one last year, and I just want to give my beautiful tree a hug every time I see it.

I usually make sure I have everything Christmas down and put away by January 1st so I can start the year fresh, but it's going to be bittersweet this year.

At the same time, I am totally looking forward to January. I'm thinking of it as buckle-down January - Healthy eating! Exercise! Meditation! And most importantly, diving in on the action web series I'm planning to direct next year, "Zero Sight"! SO excited to dive into all that, that I've already started.

One thing I'm planning to add to my routine is exercise at home on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Woke up this morning and thought, No time like the present! I'm going to rotate my Firm Basics tapes from The Firm (3) through the end of January. They are only 45 minutes, and a great warmup for the more hardcore tapes. This morning I did Fatburning.

Because I have been enjoying the season people. There has been delicious consumption, and there has been weight gain. In fact, I feel like I've been eating crazy ever since my breakup in August. Time to cleanse!

I'm going to do my modified version of Phase 1 in January (where the focus is on cleansing myself of sugar and carbs, and not so much on intense weight loss), and vegetables are the name of the game. I'm going to try ordering a CSA box every other week from CSA California, so I figured, why not start that next week? Can't wait to get my first box!

And finally, I've been making lists and setting up notebooks and thinking and talking and breathing "Zero Sight." More about that to come...

Until then, I'll continue enjoying this beautiful season when I have been so blessed. Happy Holidays, everyone! Good solstice. May you have a wonderful new season to come.

pic from Tourism Ireland

Partial Victory in My MRCA Ticket Appeal!

Well, what do you know.  I got a notice this weekend that the decision is that I owe only $100 for my MRCA Photo-enforced Stop Sign Ticket. So with any luck, I'll be getting a $75 check in the mail from the MRCA or from Redflex Traffic Systems, Inc. I had to pay the $175 fine up front, so at this point I have to wait for a refund. It would be so nice if it came promptly for the holidays.

Incidentally, the argument against my argument against the photo-enforced part (say that five times fast) was that the statute I quoted (Public Resources Code 5786.17) didn't apply. I was not remotely equipped to argue back against that.

But I do remember thinking at one part during the hearing when the lawyer was addressing the second part of my argument about the amount of the fine, Did he just say that the MRCA can just set whatever fines they want? That doesn't seem right. I argued back that I thought that the MRCA has to be meant to operate within the system and at least within the spirit of the laws of California.

Of course, I still feel very strongly that photo-enforced tickets are wrong and should be fully illegal, but given that the judge upheld that part of my appeal, her lowering of my fine to the $100 stipulated by Government Code 53069.4 (although it should be noted that the notice I received doesn't specifically refer to this as relevent, it just lowers my fine) seems logical and fair. And I am very pleased to have had any success at all in this endeavor. And getting $75 back is pretty great and does make the fine for running the stop sign more reasonable to me.

The end of a chapter! Case closed.

~

My previous posts about my MRCA ticket:

Photo-enforced Traffic Tickets Are Cruel and Unethical.

What's What's Wrong at the Heart of MRCA Photo Enforced Stop Sign Tickets

So I went to my MRCA Administrative Hearing

Temescal Canyon, You Are Dead To Me