Everyday Goddess

Halfway Through May Play!

It is rather absurdly difficult to be active for at least 30 minutes every day. So far, I've missed two Fridays because I meant to come home and do a full-body stretch plus abs or Just Dance 3 on the Wii, and I completely forgot.

I missed a Saturday because I wasn't in the mood.

And today I thought I'd get some walking in between the metro and where I'm going tonight... only to find out that where I'm going is literally at the subway stop. So talking the stairs in and out of the subway is going to have to cut it for today.

The increase in activity has been challenging physically, too. I've biked to work twice a week for 3 weeks now, and that ride home is kinda rough. At the end of the work day I think, Am I really going to get on my bike right now? Is this really happening right now? And then I just get on the bike and ride home, because thinking about it isn't gonna get it done.

When I get home I carry my bike up a flight of stairs to my apartment, and I think about that as the cherry on top. Woohoo!

So last week I biked a total of 20 miles and walked a total of 10 miles. Whew!

I've also had moments of feeling better than I have in years. Strong. Empowered.

Every time I get in shape, and it's so hard, I think about how I need to STAY in shape so that I don't have to go through this again. And here I am. Again.

But I'm getting there, and there's no way I'm stopping now. Particularly because of my lifestyle and my ongoing career goals, my health and my mental acuity are just too important to me to let them seep away on my couch.

It's actually really helping to challenge myself to do something EVERY DAY. I've missed a couple days, but I am keeping at it. Feels good.

Hope your May's had some play!

Welcome to the January BuckleDown

Fit October 2011 - unlike Fit October 2010 where I was a Health Ninja - was a bust. I'm big on giving myself enough time for things, and October was too close to the breakup/company's closing/new job trifecta of necessary adjustment. I could tell I needed more time spent relaxing and focusing on my new job, so I quickly let Fit October go to the dogs. I didn't want to get back on the health track in November or December, so Hello, January! (And Hello and Goodbye, Beer Belly!)

Welcome to the BuckleDown, which is up and running and already feeling good.

I toyed with doing South Beach Phase One again, and will *definitely* be monitoring Kalyn's Kitchen for South Beach Phase One recipes, but ultimately I decided to focus on portion control and Phase Two eating. In large part because I'm getting vegetable delivery from CSA California (my first box was very happymaking), and I'm going to be eating the fruits and potatoes. So no sugar/carb cleanse, just a return to consistantly healthy eating.

I'm using My Fitness Pal to track my eating, exercise, and progress. So far, it is very cool and works really well for me. And Vegetarian Times had a big article in the Jan/Feb 2012 issue about portion control. I may join their Portion-Control challenge which starts on January 15th. I'm aiming my daily calorie consumption at 1400 calorie's a day, but not being *too* militant about it.

In terms of fitness, which I seriously need to kick up a notch, I'll be continuing my mediation and yoga on Sundays, and adding 45-minute Firm workouts two mornings a week before work. I'm going to be rotating my Firm Basics tapes through January, and if I meet my workout goal, I'm going to reward myself with some new Firm workouts from Collage Video.

And I'll also be looking for opportunities to add in some biking or hiking.

But the BuckleDown is not just about fitness. It's also about my creative work. I have much to do! And I'm really looking forward to getting to it. This Saturday day will be my first personal work day of the year, and I can't wait! Really happy about my current choices and scheduling.

Also, with the dating. The dating is fun, and I expect to have a few new dates this month. If they involve exercise, movies, healthy food, and/or entertainment industry talk, all the better.

Now, this post was very with the linky, because I like to share what resources and products I use. None of these links were sponsored or requested in anyway.

January BuckleDown! WOOHOO! FTW.

Resolved in 2012: Ask. Accept. Give.

I love New Year's Resolutions.

I differentiate them from goals. My workouts and diet goals in January, for example, are goals. I set them short term and revisit frequently.

Resolutions, on the other hand, are yearly and more conceptual. I thought long about this year's.

For a while, I thought I might not have anything for this year, but that couldn't be. I just needed to work on how to articulate where I'm at and where I'm going. I'm ready to take on some pretty big challenges. And so, here it is. In 2012, I resolve to:

1. Ask for what I need.
2. Accept what others can give.
3. Give what and whenever I can.

My 2012 resolution starts with the hard part and progresses through to the easy bit.

Since arriving in Los Angeles in 2002, I've always tried to help others when I could. I've visualized throwing as many people up over my head as possible. And figured someday, maybe a hand would come down to help me up. Or over. Or just give a hearty shake. I'm not keeping track. It's not about tit for tat. It's not about expectation. It's certainly not about vested interest. It's about doing what I could when I could and being beyond happy if I was ever in a position to help anyone.

Because I'm pretty far down the entertainment totem pool, so really, it's a rare day when I can truly help someone. I'm very grateful when I can.

And I'm kicking it up a notch in 2012. Doing some volunteer work. But that's the easy bit.

The second part is aptly two-pronged. Accepting what others can give in terms of respecting where someone's coming from and what they are able and willing to give is fairly easy. I'm big on respecting what people say about themselves, and so what someone says about their current abilities and desires in any given situation, I would tend to accept naturally and graciously.

But, it occurred to me after I wrote the sentence, that there is also the actual accepting of something being given.

That's much more difficult for me, and starts to get to the overall point.

I'm very self-sufficient. And I can't get where I'd most like to be by myself. I've known that since film school, but never really said it out loud, in a sense. It's been the elephant in my usually empty room. It scares the crap out of me.

I once sat and listened to a panel, years ago now, where a director said that if you didn't have significant family and spousal support to become a director, you weren't ever going to make it. I didn't give up then, but I didn't really let myself hear it, either. The truth of it is that you can't do it alone. Not by a long shot.

I need to gracefully accept help when it is given. I need to be open to what others can and will give.

So, OK.

Then there's the biggie. The reaching out. The asking. The believing in the impossible and asking others to join the crazy team. Dreaming and sharing and saying, Hey, Here's what I think would be awesome, want to help? Want to join us?

1. Can you...
2. OK, That would be great. Thank you. And no matter what...
3. What can I do for you?

Happy 2012, everybody. It's going to be adventure.

40th Birthday Bucket List

For my birthday, I put up a blank bucket list and let my friends fill it out. I made no guarantees of compliance. After all, I know how these people are...

1. Pole dance naked in Monaco
2. Learn to scuba dive
3. Marry an Englishman
4. Drag a Slip and Slide to the top of the Pyramids. And go nuts.
5. Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro
6. Eat jackfruit tacos
7. Eat ostrich tacos at El Coyote on Beverly with a scratch margarita.
8. Find and seduce an Ambassador. Get him to commit a crime his immunity will protect him from.
9. Direct multiple features writtem by all of the awesome writers you know... who don't suck.
10. Leave your footprint on the Galapagos.
11. If you do #2, and are near #10, dive down to Truk Lagoon and swim around sunken ships. There's hundreds of them.
12. Avoid having children.
13. Own a racehorse.
14. Save the life of a royal & get knighted.
15. Run a marathon barefoot.
16. Drop acid at Burning Man.
17. Run naked down Sunset blvd.
18. Invent something stupid that becomes ironically famous & earns you a fortune.
19. Design & publish a game about quantum physics or neuroscience.
20. Learn to sail on Big Bear Lake.
21. Eat a meal consisting of the five most precious foods: truffles, caviar... (you'll have to research the rest...)
22. Save a squirrel!
23. Direct episodes of TV show created by Greg; win Emmy (for said episode)
24. Save the nation more times than Jack Bauer
25. Gossip blog crotch shot
26. Dine with Buddhist Monks in Japan
27. Ride a dinosaur. If dinosaurs are still extinct, clone a dinosaur and ride it.
28. Eat a bug! (preferably chocolate covered)
29. Make out with a girl... they're soft.
30. Take a vacation & meet the man of your dreams
31. Live on the Westside/Eastside... somewhere other than the valley.
32. Buy a fab. house w/ a pool & invite your friends over. Every night.
33. Date a male model. Who is much younger than you.
34. Tell off your boss.
35. Go splashing thru major fountains in NYC, Tokyo, Italy, Paris & Seattle. Run thru at least 40 different sprinklers... naked?
36. Snort your body weight in cocaine. Twice.
37. Realize your life purpose - snake wrangling.
38. Have a dragon-baby
39. Weat a tutu... to the office
40. Tell the world to fuck off & do exactly what you want all the time.
41. Sit on an egg until it hatches.

OK, 2011, Here's What I've Got.

It's been so rough I couldn't even muster up a big "Eff You, 2010! 2011's gonna be better, I just know it!"

That's where I was a year ago: "Eff You, 2009! 2010's gonna be better, I just know it!"

But it wasn't. It was a whole big difficult year of healing. And learning. Always learning.

And not finding a new job. And watching my finances go to hell in a hand basket. And fighting demoralization at almost every turn.

Coming into 2011 I feel like, I don't know what's going to happen next. Will my luck turn around? Will my hard work pay off?

How much farther down the rabbit hole am I going to go?

I also feel incredibly lucky all the time. Lucky every day that I still have my apartment and my bed to come home to. Lucky for my health and my fitness. Lucky for friends and family and the incredible creative community in Los Angeles, even with all of our rough spots and flaws. Lucky to be free of old baggage and lucky to know what I want in life and what it looks like when I see it.

Lucky because I'm finally someone who can both believe in magic and someone who can easily shrug it off when it's not where I thought it might be.

Still working on understanding and shrugging off all the strange things people think and assume in this world, but I suspect that one is going to take me my entire lifetime. Another thing to be thankful for: Things to work on.

One thing I've been working on a lot the last few months is a little film called The Social Network. I've been living and breathing it and from it I am taking two bits of life wisdom (and a whole hell of a lot of filmmaking wisdom):

SEAN Do you live and breath Facebook?

and:

MARK (pause) Do you ever think about the girl?

SEAN What girl?

MARK The one--the girl in high school who was-- with the lacrosse thing.

SEAN (are you kidding?) No.

In short, I need to remind myself that what I want to live and breathe, when possible, are my various projects that I aim to direct. Priorities:

Health (gotta live for the long haul)

Finances (gotta pay the rent)

Projects, Projects, Projects

You know what's not in the top 3? Any time spent on romantic baggage.

Don't get me wrong. I will forever be a romantic, and I easily slip love into my priorities when it stops by and says hello. But when it says goodbye or simply doesn't say hello, then it's simply not there as something I care to focus my time and energy on.

Questions to self for 2011: "Do you live and breathe your projects?" and "What boy?"

The studio closes between Christmas and New Year's, so for my fabulous unpaid holiday I signed up for the new member special at InYoga Center in Valley Village: 15 days of unlimited yoga. I did four classes in eight days, whereas previously I'd never done more than 1 in a week. It was intense and such an awesome thing for what turned out to be a bit of a rollercoaster week full of good work, good friends, and some boy drama.

New Year and... What boy?

One of my yoga teachers read this poem by Rumi in class, and I will leave you with it, because it pretty much sums up my entire worldview. It is my theme for 2011 and beyond.

Not Here

There's courage involved if you want
to become truth.  There is a broken-

open place in a lover.  Where are
those qualities of bravery and sharp

compassion in this group?  What's the
use of old and frozen thought?  I want

a howling hurt.  This is not a treasury
where gold is stored; this is for copper.

We alchemists look for talent that
can heat up and change.  Lukewarm

won't do. Halfhearted holding back,
well-enough getting by?  Not here.

From The Soul of Rumi
by Coleman Barks

Not. Here.

Because I know my morning schedule is riveting...

But more because sometimes I blog just for me...

My Uber Exciting Revised Morning Schedule:

Night Before Rules & Prep:
    1.    The coffee maker must be set up every night.
    2.    Lunch and snacks for the next day should be ready to go.
    3.    Egg casserole must be prepared and in the fridge.
    4.    Have iPod loaded with audio book and charging.
    5.    Things for next day, packed and by door.
    6.    No 10pm TV shows.
    7.    No drinking on school nights except one beer is OK.
    8.    Shower, shave, and dry hair.
    9.    In bed between 10pm and 10:30pm.
    10.    Lights out by 11pm at the absolute latest.

6:30am:

•     Alarm sounds, no snooze
•     Coffee starts to brew
•     Brush teeth
•     Throw on shorts & workout top
•     10 minute abs

6:45am:

•     Get coffee
•     Turn on hot rollers
•     Wash face
•     Drink coffee
•     Roll hair

6:50am:

•     Check email/Delete crap
•     Reply only to quick/urgent/scheduling emails
•     Status updates/Facebook birthdays/comment replies
•     Check weather

7:00am:

•     Refill coffee
•     Unroll hair/turn on curling iron
•     Get dressed
•     Style hair
•     Apply Make-up

7:20am:

• Breakfast burrito prep
• Lunch/snacks prep
• Any coffee left to travel mug
• Lunch/iPod/phone ready to go
• Check SigAlert.com
• Put on jewelry
• Computer to sleep, air conditioning off

7:30am:

• Out the door.

Morning rules:
    1.    No errands (gas, bank, etc.).
    2.    No blogging.
    3.    No correspondence or comments that require composition.

This post was written and then scheduled to post, so no, I'm not breaking my rules on a Monday!

Tick Tock on the Clock

I've been thinking for a while that I need to create and implement a strict morning routine, and since I'm starting a new job this week, clearly the time for this is now. I was particularly inspired by these posts on Lifehacker: Top 10 Ways to Upgrade Your Morning Routine and Ditch the Morning Drag by Creating a New Routine. I'm going to make my best guesses here, stick to the routine for this week, and then tweak it over the weekend if need be.

The main constraint is that I need to leave the house at 7am, and I *really* don't want to have to wake up before 6am on any day in life that doesn't involve going to set. So I've got an hour to get up and get out, and that's rough. Like I may need to alter the space/time continuum rough. Working on this it seems impossible to get a morning shower in so I'm committing to nighttime showers. And 10 minutes on the computer. OMG

OK, here's the plan...

Night Before Rules & Prep:

1. The coffee maker must be set up every night.
2. Lunch and snacks for the next day should be ready to go.
3. Egg casserole must be prepared and in the fridge.
4. Have iPod loaded with audio book and charging.
5. Things for next day, packed and by door.
6. No 10pm TV shows.
7. No more than one drink max on school nights.
8. Shower and shave.
9. In bed between 10pm and 10:30pm.
10. Lights out by 11pm at the absolute latest.

6am:

• Alarm sounds, no snooze
• Coffee starts to brew
• Brush teeth
• Throw on shorts & workout top
• 10 minute abs

6:15am:

• Get coffee
• Turn on hot rollers & curling iron
• Wash face
• Drink coffee
• Roll hair

6:30am:

• Check email/Delete crap
• Reply only to quick/urgent/scheduling emails
• Status updates/Facebook birthdays/comment posting
• Put on jewelry
• Check weather

6:40am:

• Refill coffee
• Unroll hair
• Get dressed
• Style hair
• Apply Make-up

6:50am:

• Breakfast burrito prep
• Any coffee left to travel mug
• Lunch/iPod/phone ready to go
• Check SigAlert.com
• Computer to sleep, air conditioning off

7am:

• Out the door.

Morning rules:

1. No errands (gas, bank, etc.).
2. No blogging.
3. No correspondence or comments that require composition.
4. No reading.
5. No gaming.

OK, this is the plan for the next four days. It will definitely be interesting to see if it's a good one. So far tonight I've got my lunch, snack, and breakfast casserole ready to go, stuff I'm bringing to the office by the door, and the coffee maker set. The only other big thing I need to do tonight is decide on an audio book and load it up!

Fun with Personal Commandments

OK, I haven't even read The Happiness Project, but I am having major self-revelations just about daily these days, so I was inspired by my friend Becca's 10 Personal Commandments (inspired by The Happiness Project). Mine are definitely a work in progress, but here's my start:

1. Be 1 Best Me.
2. Be open, friendly, respectful, truthful, and gracious.
3. Help whenever and whoever I can. (The throw-people-up-over-my-head-whenever-possible commandment.)
4. Work hard, play hard.
5. Release and relax.

New Year's Resolutions and Other Memories

Happy New Year!

I've been thinking about resolutions and the end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010 and a new decade and the start of a year where anything can happen. I started about a million blog posts in my head, but none of them pleased me.

Then I found this impressive 38 question New Year's survey over at Mocha Momma and decided to give it a go, with a sight tweak to #36. So here goes:

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’ve never done before?

I directed with two cameras. It was an awesome opportunity, and many lessons were learned.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My 2009 New Year's Resolution was no new debt, and I am sad to report that between the layoff, the move, and the price of Cobra, I slipped in September/October/November. Now I am back on track but I do have some ground to recover.

My other big 2009 goal was to read 12 fiction and 12 non-fiction books, and I did meet that goal, which rocks. (Blog post to come!) It was a big challenge to make it, so I'm going to try for the same in 2010.

My 2010 New Year's Resolution is to finish a solid draft of an novel adaptation I started last year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?



My last grandparent, my grandma on my father's side, died in November. I didn't tell anyone because I was embarrassed that so many things were going on with me at once. I don't know how close we were in the end, but she was my favorite grandparent.

5. What countries did you visit?

Does Portland count? It felt like another country.  ;)

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

True love.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Halloween weekend my boyfriend and I broke up, and I moved into my own apartment. And so, October 31, 2009 became the worst day and the best day of my year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?


I directed three spec webisodes for a series called Earth Force 5, that I didn't write and I didn't pay for.

9. What was your biggest failure?

The web series I worked on in 2008, Juanita Saves the World, is still in post and doesn't even have a web site.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A diet coke in a cup with ice at an airport while my now ex-boyfriend was pressuring me to not get what I wanted, but to instead get a soda in a bottle, which would not have been cold enough and which would have been completely unsatisfying to me.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Hillary Clinton.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?



The Republican Party.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent. Cobra. Food. Debt reduction.

15. What did you get really excited about?

My new Wii & Wii Fit!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

"I Got a Feeling" from The Black Eyed Peas.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:


– happier or sadder? Happier. Always happier.
– thinner or fatter? Fatter. I gained 10 pounds in 2009.
– richer or poorer? Poorer. Being laid off will do that to you.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?


Directing.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?



Eating.

20. How did you spend Christmas?


I had a nice, quiet morning in my apartment, and then I went to see Sherlock Holmes at The Vista with some friends. Then we had dinner at their place and played Bonnie and Clyde that they gave me for Christmas, which was so nice! I liked Bonnie and Clyde better than Sherlock Holmes.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Yes.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Big Bang Theory.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?



No.

24. What was the best book you read?

Give Me Liberty: A Handbook for American Revolutionaries by Naomi Wolf.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?


Michelle Featherstone, via Real George.

26. What did you want and get?

My own apartment. A used Nano.

27. What did you want and not get?

Affordable health insurance. A new tattoo.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

District 9

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

For my 38th birthday I went to one of my fav restaurants, Prizzi's, with my boyfriend and a couple good friends, but we suffered super crap service, and I ordered a red zinfandel because I thought my boyfriend would enjoy it more than my favorite, which is Cabernet. And I did really think that I would enjoy the zin, but I didn't, and I was mad at myself for not ordering my favorite wine on my birthday.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More directing!

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Rainbow Heart All Stars.

32. What kept you sane?

Blogging. Facebook.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Beyonce. The Single Ladies video blew my mind.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?



Health Care.

35. Who did you miss?

Amy.

36. Who was the last new person you met?



Emily.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

When the recipe says "stiff peaks" it really means it. Thanks, Amanda!

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.


I'm a troublemaker
Never been a faker
Doin' things my own way
And never giving up
I'm a troublemaker
Not a double-taker
I don't have the patience to keep it on the up.

Weezer, baby! Always Weezer.

Big June: Declaring My Intentions

June 2009 is going to be a big month for me. I'm so full-up that I've actually passed the point of being stressed out by my things to do list and have transcended to some sort of odd bliss. I feel buoyed by the slam.

Needless to say, that's sure to give way to total panic any minute now, so I thought it would help to focus my primary intentions for the month.

1. My spec webisodes shoot on June 20-21 is my highest priority.
2. I will write and post on time four Thursday BlogHer posts and meet other blogging commitments.
3. I will meet both the essay and headshot deadline for the Going Gray eBook.
4. I will get two of my early projects up onto my directing web site, and complete various important tasks for my projects from the end of last year.
5. I will get an oil change, my car washed, my sweaters to the drycleaners, and my unused bluetooth returned to Sprint.
6. I will use the slam to motivate myself to eat healthier than I have been of late.
7. I will accept that I am unlikely to get to my larger organizational projects both personal & professional this month.

Also, I've got my May 2009 progress report up at Liz Rizzo, Director if you're interested.