Everyday Goddess

Feel vs. Look (Feel Wins)

Have you seen this new video from Dove? I kinda hate it:

For a while, I couldn't quite put my finger on why. It's rather treacly and contrived, which I find unpleasant, but just this morning I realized that what really pokes at me is that as I watch this video, particularly towards the end, it's just a whole lot of emotion and energy about looks. How a women thinks she looks. How other people think she looks. Women. Looks. Looks. Women. It's too much.

I care about how I look, but I care a whole hell of a lot more about how I feel. How my body works and how it feels while it's working. How it feels to me and how it feels to others.

I'm really focused on losing weight right now and getting more physically fit. A strong 25% of that is that I want to fit in my clothes and my bathing suit and look good. But 75% of that is that how my body feels right now is uncomfortable. I don't like how it feels when my little beer belly hangs over my underwear. I don't like that my pants are tight. (And I hate shopping for pants!) I don't like grocery bags and laundry feeling heavy. I love how tight abs feel. I love how strength feels. I love how it feels to be able to do all the things I want to.

Similarly, I worry how others perceive my gray hair, and the effects of that on my life, but the winning factor is that most days my hair feels fabulous to the touch. It's strong and healthy. I don't worry about it making me feel old because I'm 41 years old and this is the hair that grows out of my head. So in objective reality, it can only make me look exactly 41. It's 41-year-old hair.

Oh, is 41 "old"? Well, I'll let you know when it feels like it.

Now, one of my favorite physical attributes is my breasts. They don't look remotely like the women you see in magazines, but I gotta tell ya, they feel fantastic. So I don't really spend any mental energy at all worrying about what they're supposed to look like, and for the record, they can each hold a pencil. While feeling fantastic.

I don't buy clothes that look good but aren't comfortable.

I don't eat healthy food that isn't delicious.

I don't make decisions that don't feel right in my gut.

Since I started this post hating on a Dove video, I'll give you one more example. I never used shower gel before I did a paid post for Dove Body Wash. Now, my shower always hosts a bottle (yes, of Dove). Why? Because now my skin feels soft all the time. The other day I got a pedicure (yes, because I like my toes to look pretty), and I saw the woman feel my feet and choose the softer side of the sander. That's what it's about for me. Feel is always going to trump look.

Have you seen the Men's Parody video of the Dove Sketch Video? 

Honestly, the two videos together just kinda make me feel sad. It made me wonder if men did the second sketch in the women's video, how would that turn out? And then, I gotta let that go because again, it's just too much focus on looks. I honestly believe that ultimately attraction is substantially about feeling for most people. How do you feel when you're around the person? How do they feel to you? In your gut and in your arms.

At the end of the day, most of us care to varying degrees about what we look like. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look our best. I want to look my best.

But how we define that, and how we let society define that for us, is ultimately up to us.

Me, I'm gonna just keep doing what feels good.

What's Wrong at the Heart of MRCA Photo Enforced Stop Sign Tickets

I just got a new job in Burbank. Huzzah!

This means that I traverse the length of Burbank twice daily on either Magnolia Boulevard or Burbank Boulevard. Last week was my first week, and as I traveled along at 35/40 miles an hour, I watched many cars pass me by. This did not bother me one bit, because a few years ago in Burbank I got a speeding ticket for going 50 on one of those roads where the speed limit is 35 mph.

The first thing I thought of when I thought of my new commute was, I'm sure as heck not getting another speeding ticket in Burbank, and I need to be extra careful if I'm going to be driving across it twice a day.

See, the configuration of Magnolia Boulevard and Burbank Boulevard remind me of Glades Road and Palmetto Park Road in Boca Raton, where I drove for many years. Driving across Burbank feels like driving across Boca, in a way, and those roads have a nice 45 mph speed limit.

Personally, I still think the 35 mph speed limit on Magnolia and Burbank is too slow.

But the cop that pulled me over was super friendly and polite. And clearly explained that despite what I might think, it's pretty dangerous to go 50 mpg on Magnolia and Burbank. Complete with examples of recent accidents. And I have to admit, no one parks along Glades and Palmetto the way they do here.

I didn't contest my - rather expensive - speeding ticket. I don't hate the city of Burbank. And I adjusted my driving habits.

Driving to and from work this past week got me thinking about my upcoming appeal to the Superior Court about my MRCA Photo Enforced Stop Sign Ticket. And how - unlike my experience in Burbank - I now feel nothing but negative feelings about Temescal Canyon Park where I got it.

See, when you fight a ticket - or really any injustice - people come out of the woodwork to tell you to just settle down and take your medicine. Meanwhile, the MRCA points to a decrease in people running their stop signs as proof of (at least) effectiveness. But is that really their goal? And is this really the best way to go about it?

I know it doesn't matter to the MRCA that I'll never step foot on their property again and how I now feel about their parks.

But maybe it should, because had I been stopped immediately and given a ticket by a uniformed employee, as required by California Public Resources Code 5786.17, and had that ticket been $100 or less, as required by California Government Code 53069.4, I would have learned my lesson, and I would have paid my ticket and moved on, and I would still go hiking at Temescal.

Perhaps said uniformed employee could even have taken the opportunity to educate me and have a dialogue the way the Burbank officer did.

Instead, a lawyer for the MRCA will testify and show evidence that I ran the stop sign. He and everyone else in the court will be having a normal day, somewhere they go all the time to do their jobs. I will concede that I did indeed run the stop sign and will attempt to argue that the ticket and the fee break the laws I mentioned above. All while having a totally new experience and having no representation.

I do think I have a chance - I mean, I read the laws myself and it seems pretty clear to me - but I suspect that there's a high probability that my inexperience with court will mean I don't win my case. It's still important to me to try, because I feel very strongly that the MRCA Photo Enforced Stop Sign program is unethical, illegal, a bald-faced money-making scheme, and flat-out mean.

I also think that it creates negative energy around the parks system, but I won't be arguing that in court.

My previous posts about my MRCA ticket:

So I went to my MRCA Administrative Hearing

Temescal Canyon, You Are Dead To Me

Collision Insurance, Salvaged Registration, and My 1994 Toyota Corolla

I currently drive a 1994 Toyota Corolla with 220,000 miles, collision insurance, and a salvaged registration, for which I paid dearly. For me, collision insurance has always been a no-brainer. I have a $250 deductible, too, because I don't have any savings, and frequently, no available credit, either. If I get into an accident, I need the money from the insurance, because I don't have any other resources.

When I got into an accident in March, however, I learned all about "totaling" and "salvaged registration." These two concepts together meant that the insurance company could give me less money, and I paid for $400 in extra repairs to the brakes and headlamps, and $200 for extra inspections and registration fees from the state of California.

"Totaling" and "salvaged registration" have very little to do with the extent of the damage to or condition of my car.

I drive a 1994 Corolla with 220,000 miles; I'd of had to have hit a shopping cart not to do more damage than the "value" of my car.

Even worse, once they declared it "totaled," the insurance company, USAA, fought me on the rental car benefit. Once it's "totaled" the 30 days of rental car benefit clearly stated on the front of my policy comes under some fine print further back and goes away. I have multiple policies with them, so I fought them to keep the car until my car was repaired, and to their credit, they did extend the benefit.

So here I am. Now I have the knowledge that if I *don't* carry collision insurance I won't get any money if my car is damaged, but I also won't get "totaled" and have to go through the financial and bureaucratic joy of "salvaged registration." Which by the way, pretty much negates the BS about salvaged registration being about car buyer protection. If I hadn't had collision insurance, my car wouldn't have been "salvaged." It would just be fixed. And further, the extent of the damage honestly wasn't that serious. I rearended a Lexus SUV at next to no miles per hour while sliding on a newly moist dusty road. I have a new hood, new headlamps, and a new radiator. It's not really what you think of when you hear a car was "totaled," although the repairs did come close to the appraised value of the car.

And, btw I was extremely fortunate to find - Thanks to Facebook - The Original Haskell's Auto Body in Chatsworth. Haskell really went above and beyond to help me get the car fixed as affordably as possible and through the brake and light inspection. Having a mechanic you have trust and confidence in: Priceless.

So, here I am. I feel like because of California salvage registration, I should drop my collision insurance. But, the thought of getting into an accident and not having collision insurance is terrifying.

The savings if I cancel my collision insurance is $25/month, which sadly, I could really use. That said, I wouldn't even consider canceling it if it weren't for the salvaged registration situation.

So I don't know.

100 Things I Love

My friend Becca did a "100 Things I Love" list. Lists are always fun to do, but the reason I'm a big copycat here is that there were a few items on her list that are things I crazy love, too. Some of which I had no idea were mutual loves of ours.

So I am going to do my own 100 Things I Love list and simply leave in the ones we have in common in the same spot on the (certainly not-exhaustive and in no particular order) list.

I *love*...

1. Caramels
2. Ice cream
3. Candles
4. Coffee
5. Los Angeles
6. Water in all forms (for drinking and in the form of ponds, rivers, lakes, oceans... and even puddles... and bathtubs, and moisture in the air)
7. Directing
8. A complex, robust, red wine
9. Dancing
10. Pens with colored ink (any color but black will do)
11. Flowers
12. Vegetables
13. The numbers 2, 6, 17, 27, and 217
14. Connecting people in win win situations
15. Facebook
16. My book club
17. Board gaming
18. My hair
19. Gen Y
20. Gen X
21. Neuroscience
22. Robots
23. Silver jewelry
24. Natural stones
25. Totem animals
26. Hiking
27. Coconut
28. Healthy food
29. Farmers' markets
30. Yoga
31. Singing
32. Sex
33. Kissing
34. Long, rib-crushing hugs
35. Laughing
36. Dry wit
37. English accents
38. Music
39. Poetry and spoken word
40. Glass (in all forms, glasses, vases, dishes, from the sea...)
41. The honey badger
42. Meta Humor
43. Photography
44. Skirts with pockets
45. Salt
46. Kilts
47. The male body
48. A firm handshake
49. A tight film
50. Film shorts and short-form web content
51. The beach
52. Dark chocolate
53. Social evolution
54. Singing in the car
55. Quotations
56. Movies in the cemetery
57. Fiddle
58. Polka
59. Metrosexuals
60. Strong personalities
61. Being on set
62. My bed
63. Tattoos
64. Pierced eyebrows
65. Hollywood
66. The #2 pool ball
67. Dinner parties
68. All things Celtic
69. Aerial ribbon dancing
70. Gnomes
71. The Hollywood Sign
72. Street art
73. Chucks (size 7!)
74. C-stands
75. Digital cinematography
76. Urban landscapes
77. Chicago
78. San Francisco
79. New York
80. Driving
81. Roomba
82. Pad devices
83. Streaming
84. Audio books
85. Science fiction
86. Big blue skies with puffy clouds
87. City lights
88. Construction
89. Pony clamps
90. Taking the stairs
91. Star Trek
92. Wide shots
93. Two-shots
94. Witches
95. Angels
96. RSS
97. Maps of Online Communities (2007) (2010)
98. Actors
99. Writers
100. Shavasana

There's a lot of wonderful stuff in the world!

Nothing's Changed But Me

It's sobering to be looking at 40 with finances that spent the last two years resetting to 2002 thanks to unemployment and the joy of temping. Not completely, but still, it's pretty bad. Money's tight, and I've got a list of expenses I'd like to get through by the end of the year (dental work, car repairs, etc.). It's frustrating to feel so behind the curve. Money's coming in, slowly but surely, but then it's flying right back out.

Years ago, I used to say I was living a life where none of my dreams come true.

Now I say that all my "by 40" goals just became "by 50" goals. And that's... sobering. Focusing. And just the way it is.

But I've realized there's a pretty intense benefit to this feeling of having taken one step forward and two steps back.

Because I'm happy.

And if nothing major has changed in my life - still not a working director, still single, still broke - then there's absolutely no denying that what *has* changed, is me.

Like, A LOT.

I'm so changed, that when I look back and see my struggles, frustrations, and mistakes, I'm pretty well able to let it go and simply feel grateful to have gotten here. No matter the cost.

Well, OK, it would be cool to get my student loan out of forebearance. But, baby steps.

I'm not saying I've climbed every mountain. I've had some moments this year with my abandonment issues and lingering insecurities. I declared this year the Year Of No Fear, but sometimes it's like I simply forget for a beat.

I guess the easy way to explain what's going on with me is just a whole lot of release and prioritization and fun and gratefulness and faith (in myself, in the world). You know I put monthly quotes in my paper calendar, and this month I wrote this, which I got from a Facebook status update:

"If we can be truly patient, we never have any problems." Maezumi Roshi

"That tells us that all problems are problems of patience." Karen Maezen Miller

I'm still working through some things - I like to think that all of us always are, to some extent - but what I seem to have gained is a patience I didn't have before (with myself, with the world). I'm grateful for all the good things in my life; I'm gratified to be working towards being my one, authentic self; I love where I live and work and what I do; and most important, I'm so happy to have good work to do every day, in the entertainment industry working on my own directing projects and other people's projects as well. I'm loving and living in every moment, and I'm working towards my goals however I can.

I'm happy to be here.

Making this the year I stopped living a life where none of my dreams come true, and started really Living The Dream.

Laid Off People Are Often The Loyal Ones

My last lay off was in 2009. Since then I have been unemployed, taken a seasonal gig twice, and over the summer temped somewhere I thought would go permanent that didn't.

I think a lot about the hiring bias against the unemployed. I think a lot about my now floaty resume. I think a lot about the fact that I've been laid off twice now.

I've been told that historically speaking the perception is that during a layoff the best people are kept, so people who have been laid off are the less-thans. Today, some businesses have let the bias go, but others still have it. When you've been laid off twice and risen to the occasion by rolling with the punches, taking on new challenges, and generally working your ass off, all while weathering financial demise and demoralization with the most positive attitude you can muster, this can be frustrating.

I think about the fact that I've been laid off twice. I think about the fact that it is because I am loyal.

See, when your company is reorganizing and/or struggling, you ask people to hang on with you. You don't give raises or you cut salaries, you lay people off or cut hours, and you ask the people remaining to please stay.

I'm a stayer. I've been laid off twice because I don't leave easy. Before my first lay off I was investigating moving within the larger company, which probably made me a lay off target in my division, but actually I was the one trying to stay. Before my second lay off I was hoping to survive the bad times, but more importantly, I wasn't going to leave while they still needed me.

I stayed until the day I wasn't needed anymore. Because that's the kind of employee I am: Loyal.

It's beyond the pale to ask that of people and then harbor a bias against laid-off people. There's an entire segment of workers out here who are the stayers who were asked to leave.

So to every potential employer who looks at my resume and doesn't count my last two years and my two layoffs against me, Thank You. I say in interviews that whether I liked it or not, my two layoffs have made me a better employee. I've learned tons of new things, worked in a variety of environments, and learned to take on new challenges like never before.

Laid off people are the troopers. Looking for a new company to serve in.

OK, 2011, Here's What I've Got.

It's been so rough I couldn't even muster up a big "Eff You, 2010! 2011's gonna be better, I just know it!"

That's where I was a year ago: "Eff You, 2009! 2010's gonna be better, I just know it!"

But it wasn't. It was a whole big difficult year of healing. And learning. Always learning.

And not finding a new job. And watching my finances go to hell in a hand basket. And fighting demoralization at almost every turn.

Coming into 2011 I feel like, I don't know what's going to happen next. Will my luck turn around? Will my hard work pay off?

How much farther down the rabbit hole am I going to go?

I also feel incredibly lucky all the time. Lucky every day that I still have my apartment and my bed to come home to. Lucky for my health and my fitness. Lucky for friends and family and the incredible creative community in Los Angeles, even with all of our rough spots and flaws. Lucky to be free of old baggage and lucky to know what I want in life and what it looks like when I see it.

Lucky because I'm finally someone who can both believe in magic and someone who can easily shrug it off when it's not where I thought it might be.

Still working on understanding and shrugging off all the strange things people think and assume in this world, but I suspect that one is going to take me my entire lifetime. Another thing to be thankful for: Things to work on.

One thing I've been working on a lot the last few months is a little film called The Social Network. I've been living and breathing it and from it I am taking two bits of life wisdom (and a whole hell of a lot of filmmaking wisdom):

SEAN Do you live and breath Facebook?

and:

MARK (pause) Do you ever think about the girl?

SEAN What girl?

MARK The one--the girl in high school who was-- with the lacrosse thing.

SEAN (are you kidding?) No.

In short, I need to remind myself that what I want to live and breathe, when possible, are my various projects that I aim to direct. Priorities:

Health (gotta live for the long haul)

Finances (gotta pay the rent)

Projects, Projects, Projects

You know what's not in the top 3? Any time spent on romantic baggage.

Don't get me wrong. I will forever be a romantic, and I easily slip love into my priorities when it stops by and says hello. But when it says goodbye or simply doesn't say hello, then it's simply not there as something I care to focus my time and energy on.

Questions to self for 2011: "Do you live and breathe your projects?" and "What boy?"

The studio closes between Christmas and New Year's, so for my fabulous unpaid holiday I signed up for the new member special at InYoga Center in Valley Village: 15 days of unlimited yoga. I did four classes in eight days, whereas previously I'd never done more than 1 in a week. It was intense and such an awesome thing for what turned out to be a bit of a rollercoaster week full of good work, good friends, and some boy drama.

New Year and... What boy?

One of my yoga teachers read this poem by Rumi in class, and I will leave you with it, because it pretty much sums up my entire worldview. It is my theme for 2011 and beyond.

Not Here

There's courage involved if you want
to become truth.  There is a broken-

open place in a lover.  Where are
those qualities of bravery and sharp

compassion in this group?  What's the
use of old and frozen thought?  I want

a howling hurt.  This is not a treasury
where gold is stored; this is for copper.

We alchemists look for talent that
can heat up and change.  Lukewarm

won't do. Halfhearted holding back,
well-enough getting by?  Not here.

From The Soul of Rumi
by Coleman Barks

Not. Here.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Solitude.

I have work to do. I have scripts to read, budgets to review, and writing of various ilks.

On top of my creative work, I have a fix-it ticket to fix, errands to run, and I need to figure out getting an eye exam and new contacts. I need to work on powering up my job hunt.

I have movies to watch, an in-box to clear, and yummy, vegetablelicious dishes to prepare.

I signed up for unlimited yoga for 15 days at the beautiful InYoga Center, and I have a new workout video I'm dying to try.

I've been eagerly anticipating the alone of this week for months. I've been cutting back on my schedule and my networking for the past year. I've been making the hard choices that lead to more solitude and more time to work. I know who I want to be and what I want to do and my alone time arrived like a jingle bell sleigh for Christmas.

Yesterday, I got up and went to yoga, and the farmer's market, and took care of my friend's cat, and then I went a little stir-crazy for lack of friendly companionship. Most of my friends are out of town right now, and I get weird about reaching out over the holidays. I hate to feel like a stray cat. Always, with me, the pride goeth.

I guess I wanted a little more playtime over the weekend. I definitely needed to hear a friend's voice on the phone, because eventually, fifteen minutes of conversation soothed the beast, and I got some work done last night.

It's not like my life doesn't rock on about 15 different levels. It's the timing that's the trick.

I guess I'm still figuring out the balance. I guess that's OK.

But I'm glad it's Monday. And I'm glad for a new year around the corner.

And I'm glad for good work to do and the time to do it.

4am is Morning and Other Rules

A while back I decided that if I wake up and it's 4am or later, I just get out of bed. 4am is morning.

3:00am is not morning and means I must go back to bed even if I toss and turn.

I pushed it today; technically I think I got up at 3:45am. It's a big workday, with a big second shift, and I couldn't sleep. I'm going to be exhausted when I drive home tonight.

But I know that getting a jump on things can only help. Never underestimate the power of clean hair.

~

Hard work can solve almost anything.

When I'm down, it's what I turn to. When I'm overwhelmed, getting to it can only help.

The next two weeks are the most challenging of awards season for me, because on top of everything else I'm responsible for there are two major submission deadlines at the end of the month. I went in a bit early yesterday and only succeeded in not drowning completely.

So today, I will do it again. In the end, the most important thing I know about my current gig is that I'm not alone in the tank.

~

Planning is what you do so that when the world surprises you you've got a framework to move from. I learned that in film school, but it's true with almost everything. The more you can do on the front end, the better off you'll be when it all gets spinny.

The trick is not to cling to the plan.

The trick is to stay positive, confident, and friendly, and roll with the punches.

~

I'm finding it challenging lately to not make little mistakes when I'm slammed. Sending an email without an attachment, for example, or putting the wrong print type on a form. I need to get better at shifting my hyper-focus and really seeing what I'm doing even when I'm jumping on to something small I think I can whip out quickly (or have no choice but to whip out quickly) and get back to a bigger task at hand.

I want to be better. I want to be my best.

So I will get up early. And I will work hard today. To execute the plan that woke me up because I was formulating it in my sleep.

Good Morning!

and

Happy Tuesday!

I was kind, but now I speak.

By now it's common knowledge that the opening scene of "The Social Network" is bloody brilliant. If you haven't yet seen it - go see it! - it's a rapid-fire conversion between Erica Albright and Mark Zuckerberg. They have a later scene together in another restaurant, and I have to admit, I've become mildly obsessed with the character of Erica and how she conducts herself. I think she's amazing.

Because she acts in a way that I don't. When a guy is a jerk to me or socially inept, I feel bad for him. I make excuses for him. I often afford him kindness that he doesn't afford me.

For example, I dated this guy once, and we needed to rent a car. It was "his" trip, in a sense, so I let him lead the process. Cue the neverending, completely absurd, quest for the lowest price. But, I figured, it's a matter of priorities. I *really* value my time, and I have some brand loyalty, so I'm going to do a little research and then just rent a damn car. Done in about 30 minutes. Instead, the process went on forever, over days, and I'll spear you the absurdity once we got to the rental car place. End of story: Nightmare.

But we did save some bucks.

Later, when I was planning *my* trip, I just rented the car I wanted from the place I wanted. I figured he could just pay half of what he thought was reasonable, and I'd pay the difference, like I would do with a friend. In particular on this trip, I wanted to use Hertz because a Hertz agent saved my ass big time years ago in the same state. And also, I wanted to drive a nice car (I ended up with a Mazda 3) because driving around was a big part of what I was looking forward to.

Well, he insisted on paying for half, which was nice of him, but he reacted like I didn't know how to rent a car or like I'd done something stupid. He said, "Why didn't you ask me to help you?"

And I told him my reasons for renting what I did, but it didn't seem to matter and I didn't feel respected. He just judged me and shut me down. When it came up in front of friends later, I saw them exchange a glance with him, like he'd gone off about it with them.

And what I didn't say at the time I rented the car was that his idea of "help" would have been no help at all. More like living hell. 'Cause look, if it's your trip, and price is important to you, I'll spend some of my precious time to find the lowest rate. But when it's my trip, I'm just going to rent the car I want. That doesn't make me an idiot.

I just value different things.

You know what else I don't like? Sarcasm. I read profile after profile on OKCupid from self-declared sarcastic guys who want girls with "a sense of humor." Well, I want a guy who's able to communicate clearly and who is actually funny while speaking forwards, as opposed to backwards. Says the girl who never gets a hint. But you know what, that's who I am, if you're trying to communicate to me via hints, I'm just flat-out not going to get it, and I've got better things to do than to try to figure you out.

"Just teasing"? Go tease someone who enjoys negativity.

I guess my awe of the character of Erica Albright is because she stands right up to (the character of) Mark Zuckerberg. She never questions herself, at least not in front of him. She certainly doesn't seem to feel bad for him.

And we're talking about the kind of people who have no problem telling you what's wrong with you. Often thoughtlessly and meanly. I did finally learn to not take that guy so personally when he would be mean or angry, but then he broke up with me anyway, so it certainly seems like it's not even worth it.

I mean, at the end of the day, it's really a matter of match or not match. I broke up with a different guy once, and thought, he really needs to date someone else who enjoys being miserable, too. I mean, maybe he found that person, and they bitch about life together in morose bliss. Seriously.

Sometimes I do stand up for myself, of course, but I want to do it even more, and more often verbally when I'm being attacked. If someone is going to tell me what's wrong with me, why do I hold back in the opposite situation? Not to say it meanly necessarily, but using the rental car situation, I could have said more. I could have stood up for myself more. I could have said, your way isn't the only way. You are not right by default.

Resolution: I aim to verbally stand up for who I am and what I want.

A while back I was in a situation where I wanted to suggest a friends-with-benefits situation to a guy, and I chickened out because I got confused and suddenly worried that he wanted more and would be insulted or hurt by what I was suggesting. Or, I suppose, just be completely not interested, and I wussed out on feeling undesirable to him, which I ultimately think might have been the case. Actually, I have no idea. (BTW, if you are not 100% sure that this is about you, it's not about you!)

Meanwhile, a guy made the same proposition to me at one point, and he just laid it out on the table. Take it or leave it. It didn't work out, so he moved on, psyche intact.

I wanna be That Guy. Good for him, dude. Also in awe of that guy. Kudos to his top-notch communication skills.

So, I have no idea what happens next, or if I ever manage to get strong words out of my mouth in the face of patronizing comments, but I am done suffering dudes with no social or communication skills.