Everyday Goddess

Pepperidge Farm Baked Naturals Cheese Crisps, My Monthly Directing Update, and WEBISODES, Oh, My!

Here's what I've got going on around the web:

On Everyday Goddess Does... Fall is All About the Dips & New Pepperidge Farm Baked Naturals Cheese Crisps. (And you can comment to win a $100 Visa Gift Card!) Please be sure you comment over there on that post to enter. Comments here won't count.

On Liz Rizzo, Director: September Was Television Heaven!

And holy, holy, MY SPEC WEBISODES ARE UP!!!  It's called Earth Force 5, baby, and I'd love to know what you think.

Want Sex & Relationships content? I'm totally still blogging at BlogHer, four times a month.

Much Awesomeness on the Set of "Accidentally On Purpose"!

I was already in love with "Accidentally On Purpose" since I saw a preview in August, and I attended a taping in September, so when I was invited to a tweet up at a taping last Friday... Well, basically, I had a bit of a freak-out because I had to ask permission to leave early from my new job. Who said OK to not one, but two early leaves last week (I also attended a taping of Big Bang Theory on Tuesday with a friend), so I was feeling pretty damn grateful by Friday. I mean, I'm technically an hourly temp, so it's not like they were paying me, but still, first week of work and I'm asking time off? I was SO SO thankful I could get out early to go.

OK, so first of all, I really love Accidentally On Purpose. It's adorable and funny and even if the sitcom as a television form wasn't making a roaring comeback this year, you should totally be watching it. CBS has the total awesome Monday night sitcom line-up, and the last time I was watching blocks of sitcoms on a Monday night, it was Murphy Brown and Golden Girls, people. Sitcoms are back. Show your Tivo the sitcom love. (And if you don't have the tech, it's on at 8:30pm. CBS.) (And yes, you can watch full episodes online. If you have different tech.)

But holy holy the tweet up was super awesome. They totally let us invade their set; it was surreal. Check out my Accidentally On Purpose Flickr Set, which yes, I've gone through and captioned. And here's the pic of us they took with the cast on the coffee shop set:

They let us be on and all over their sets, the cast and crew were super friendly, and I just enjoyed and had a great time visiting the set of a show that's already one of my fall favs. Are you watching it? What do you think?

On the tech side, my phone was *not* up to the tweet-up task, so thank goodness I had my laptop. I did some twitpics, and it killed my phone battery. My Macbook, on the other hand, had massive battery life, and I used Typinator for the Twitter hatchtag. The only thing that might have been better would have been a smaller netbook type thing, but seriously, the Macbook was full of win.

I also discovered for once and for all that I love to Twitter about TV, because I love TV. So expect even more TV twitters about all the shows I love in the future. I think I've finally found my Twitter self! lol

So many thanks to all the peeps from Accidentally On Purpose. We had much fun, and you and your show bring the Rock and Joy.

You can read all the tweets from the Accidentally On Purpose tweet-up here.

Catch a Tiger by the Tail

In "Life of Pi " there is a part where, confronted by the sheer impossibility of surviving at sea with a tiger on his lifeboat, Pi realizes that he might as well go about trying to quench his thirst.

You might think that I lost all hope at that point. I did. And as a result I perked up and felt much better. We see that in sports all the time, don't we? The tennis challenger starts strong but soon loses confidence in his playing. The champion racks up the games. But in the final set, when the challenger has nothing left to lose, he becomes relaxed again, insouciant, daring. Suddenly he's playing like the devil and the champion must work hard to get those last points. So it was with me. To cope with a hyena seemed remotely possible, but I was so obviously outmatched by Richard Parker that it wasn't even worth worrying about. With a tiger aboard, my life was over. That being settled, why not do something about my parched throat?

I decided that I needed a tiger. Something big and unwieldy that would dominate my life, forcing simplification into my decisions. Being me, my tiger is a 6-month studio office gig with overtime and a giant L.A. commute.

I had ten things on a to do list for last night, after being out on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I got two of them done before I collapsed into bed for the sleep I simply must get to be able to perform well in my new position: I stopped for gas on the way home, and I wrote my BlogHer post. I didn't stop by the bank, pay bills, write my directing update for September, write a letter to Cobra regarding my health insurance, or clear my inbox. All those things are waiting until Sunday (my next open time) because I've got to respect the tiger. I had to go to bed.

Writing this post was on the list, so I'm doing it this morning instead, but I have a hard computer out in the morning of 7:30am, so if I end abruptly, you'll know why.

I'm going to have to be doing less going out on the weeknights.

I'm going to have many, many times where I simply can't get to the fray that waits on my computer.

I'm going to spend a lot of money at the gas station and Audible.

I'm doing something completely new to me, and hoping for new outcomes, or at least some rewarding focus for the next six months.

And... I'm out.

What I Did On My Laid-Off Vacation

Here's what I didn't do: I didn't bike, do yoga, or reboot with Phase 1 of South Beach. Unlike last time, this was not a get-healthy laid-off vacation. (Although this is now a get-healthy fall!)

No, this was a catch-up-and-get-organized laid-off vacation. In the first two weeks I tore my room apart and went through almost everything I own. In the months that followed, I went through basically everything else. My linen closet, iPhoto, and my email "hold" folder are the only remaining hold-outs. Seriously. I went through things like my business cards, my cookbooks & loss recipes, and my health paperwork folder.

I plowed through my things to do list. I cleared my inbox. I went to every annual doctor appointment I could think of. I got shoes fixed and clothes patched and my car washed. I used gift cards that had piled up.

I slept till 9am.

I worked on post-production for the spec webisodes I directed.

I looked for a new job.

I didn't read enough, but I totally finished watching Reaper off the Tivo.

I tried to figure out which way is up and where the hell I should go next.

And I will tell you one thing, and that is that some things need to change. I was completely behind on about a million things. I was full on buried. I was moving forward, ever prioritizing, but once I had the time to really dig in, one thing became massively clear. I was utterly and absurdly behind. It took a full two months to get remotely caught up.

While I didn't have a full-time job.

Now, it's not like I'm utterly and completely caught up. I've got a couple scripts to read, and various other things. I've still got my things to do list, and I've still got commitments on the calendar. But I intend to stayed focused on the big items for the next six months:

• Personal life and my relationship
• My new day job (Oh, yes!)
• Moving (Oh, yes, that, too.)
• Directing/writing things
• Blogging

What I really need to mitigate is the number of items on my calendar and the number of smaller things I say yes to. I want to focus more on what's here now. I need to be more realistic in terms of time when I say "yes." Sometimes, I need to say "no."

I often think about the ebb and flow between getting out there and staying in to cultivate - be it your art, your life, your relationships, your love. Time to cultivate.

UPDATE: A good friend reminder me I should mention that it wasn't all work and no play. I actually got to do a fair bit of travel, hiking, and lots of late night beer and wings. All of which was super fun!

Quest for Kogi

Kogi BBQ, to be specific. You can't live in L.A. without hearing about it. It's taco truck/Korean BBQ fusion, they twitter where they're going to be, it's delicious, people line up, you've got to try it...

So when my friend Josh from Brandissimo! said they were getting a Kogi truck outside their office, I knew it was my time. I knew where it was going to be, it was coming to the valley, I'm laid off - I mean, seriously, it was clearly time for some Kogi BBQ.

I hopped in my car around noon, stopped at the bank for some cash, got to Ventura Blvd... and then realized that I didn't have change for the parking meters. So I popped into a place to buy a soda and some change. Which worked out great, because Kogi was running late. When I got there at 12:30pm, no Kogi truck, just a small crowd standing around in front of the building:

 

Twenty minutes after that, this was the scene:

 

The crowd gave a little cheer when the side doors rolled up. When the Kogi guy said hello to everyone, a guy in front of me complained lightly about the show of it, "I just want my lunch, man, you know?" But really everyone was pretty patient and mellow. It would be another 30 minutes before I could place my order, so I made friends with my very cool line neighbor, cinematographer and more, Mark W. Gray. Oh, yeah, talking entertainment and exchanging business cards in the Kogi BBQ line. Our lunch was totally tax-deductible, baby.

Before we knew it, we were closer:

 

Josh found me just as he was getting his yummies, which was cool. "We got the Kogi truck!" Hooray!

I decided to super order so I could try a bunch of stuff. Heck, I'm finally checking out the Kogi BBQ experience, right? So I ordered one of each taco (Korean short ribs, spicy BBQ chicken, spicy pork, and tofu), AND the kimchi quesadilla.

Here's a shot of the line while we waited for our orders to be ready:

 

Mark's in the center giving me the thumbs up. Almost there... Stay on target...

Soon I got my goodies and headed home to chow down. Here's the goods:

 

No, I didn't eat it all, but I did try everything. My fav tacos were the Korean short ribs and the tofu. Tofu has that wonderful quality of soaking up all the flavors, you know? The chicken and the pork were both a little more mellow than the kickin' Korean short ribs.

And the kimchi quesadilla was super yum. It was really difficult to put half of it in the fridge so that I could taste all of the tacos without exploding. That's a definite reorder for me if (when?) I find myself at a Kogi BBQ truck again.

It was definitely worth the quest, and the whole thing of it was really quite fun. When you're counting up the L.A. Kogi BBQ fans, definitely count me in!

Laid Off Mondays Blow

Seriously, WTF?

I think I've been doing fairly well since being laid off in June. I've been very productive, both personally and as much as possible professionally. I've been on job interviews, I've been networking my heart out, I've been getting things done around my world.

Every Monday I wake up having accomplished a ton of things the previous week, having had a full weekend, and wanting to plow through an ambitious list of things to do. Only to find I'm roaring with anxiety or wallowing in melancholy.

Then Tuesday I wake up and it's gone and I'm off to the races again. It's 8am, and I've been working since 5:30am.

I think the negativity comes when it's Monday morning and I'm not heading off to work. I really like working for the man, it seems. I've had a smattering of miscellaneous free-lance opportunities come my way, and truth be told, it's not for me. I fight feeling scattered and unfocused, and I think trying to construct a life of disconnected income situations would only exacerbate that.

No, I am an executive assistant, I am a blogger, I could be something webby like an online community manager, and I am a director. I don't want any more professional titles than that, and I want someone to work for, and I want a paycheck I can count on.

I think it's also that my New Year's resolution was no new debt, and the tide is quickly beginning to turn on that one. I can't throw caution and my life to the wind. It's all on me, and I intend to be here for a while. Which means that I have to try to mind my finances and at least try to have a positive net worth before I die. When I think about sliding backwards again, I just want to die. And yet, things have come up that I don't want to miss and that I think will be good for me to attend, careerwise, so here I go again. I'm trying to make the best decisions I can and somehow not let this time suck another year from me in either missed opportunities or debt that's going to backslide me by the years it will take to catch back up to where I am now.

Time and money. Time and money. If you have them, and you aren't being all you can be, I'm here to tell you that you suck. Get off your ass and use your advantages.

I typed this early yesterday morning as my status update: "Up and at 'em this fine Monday morning. It's going to be a great week! Much to do."

Well, it *is* going to be a great week. But I'm glad the Monday part is over.

My Fatal Flaw: A Need To Work For Pay

The most important thing in my life is work for pay. You might think it's directing, or love, and certainly both of those things are paramount to me. But occasionally, when I am unemployed, I am reminded of my personal reality - that when I am not gainfully employed a degree of inescapable misery is introduced into my life. I feel that I am failing to do that which is most important.

For two years in film school I lived on student loans and credit cards. I worked my ass off. And part of me was wholly miserable that I wasn't "really" working because I wasn't gainfully employed. I felt... unsecured. Uncomfortable. I did it anyway.

I've worked since I was 16. Early on it was made clear to me that I damn well better be able to take care of myself early on. And so I did.

All while pushing to do things in life that have a small window of opportunity. Traveling after high school, joining a sorority, going to grad school. I made those things happen for myself. And I arrived in L.A. with the massive debt load it took to have those things and to get here.

Those choices meant that I couldn't take a low or no-pay job in production or development, but I found my way into post production and have continued to push to make it work for me. I have found opportunities and been grateful for each one. I have worked the advantages of my situation, and yes, there are many, not the least of which was little overtime and meeting many wonderful post production people.

I became an executive assistant because it meant I could work in any industry. Transferable skills (hopefully) mean you're never out on the street. I don't like taking money from the government. Even if I've paid taxes for twenty-some years. I don't like being unemployed. Even if I'm still working my ass off.

My other work counts for so, so much for me personally. I do all of it - all of it - with the aim to become a working director. But without a paycheck, all this work doesn't count as gainful employment. And gainful employment matters to me. It means I'm taking care of myself.

If this seems noble to you, well, thank you, but I've come to see this as my fatal flaw in Hollywood. People make it out here so often because their parents help them, a spouse helps them. They have some sort of financial support or advantage. They have the ability to float and take opportunities without having to wait for the vacation time. I went to a panel once where someone said that if you don't have family or spousal support, you're never going to make it. At this point, letting someone help me like that just makes me uncomfortable. This issue of mine is something I'm working on. And certainly I have been blessed with some support along the way, for which I am quite grateful.

But when I am unemployed, I freak out. These past two weeks, I've sent resumes to a variety of executive assistant positions in multiple industries, all the while freaking out about my loss of accrued vacation time and having to start over in a new day job. Of course, there's also the sadness of missing people I admired and enjoyed working with. None of which is to say I feel resentful about necessary business decisions, because I don't at all.

I just feel unemployed.

And I don't like it.

But.

I need to be a little smarter, I think. I need to push some of this emotional bullshit aside and make smart choices. I use this blog to help me lay it out for myself, so here it is:

• I am looking for an executive assistant position.
• In the entertainment industry.
• Preferably in the Valley or Hollywood or Downtown.
• I don't mind some overtime or personal tasks, but constantly ridiculous amounts of overtime won't work for me.
• I do not want to be an agent, so I don't think that an agency is a good fit.
• I require a professional salary rate.
• I prefer three weeks of vacation a year.
• I am flexible for the right position (read: opportunity in television or production).

Of course, if you need a director, I am more than up to the task. Unfortunately, I'm waiting for various projects to complete before I will have a new reel that feature my recent webisode work. ETA on my new reel is August.

I'm also on the prowl for an ASAP director shadowing opportunity in a traditional multi-camera sitcom. Please email me if you have any connections in this direction.

Meanwhile, I'll still be here, working my ass off.

Hopefully, eventually, for pay.

~

Blogging Note:  I replied to a bunch of comments via email the other day and Typepad ate my replies. I'm going to go put them into the blog manually today.

Tomorrow, We Build.

Past week update: I got laid off last Thursday and then got a little spinny trying to prepare to direct this weekend while simultaneously panicking about job and money. I'm not going to blog too much about the layoff, which yes, came the same day I posted this in the morning before work: If you get laid off in Los Angeles, may I make a suggestion? And no, I didn't go have martinis. Yet.

But basically, I did think that having been laid off once already since moving to L.A. that it would be somehow easier... And it was not. It felt totally different and equally sucky. Such is life. Perhaps I will post more on it another time. Suffice it to say, job hunting is not something I wanted to be doing the week of my shoot, but of course, I was (eventually) up to the task.

So. Tomorrow we build our set. And this weekend, we shoot. Sunday is going to be a beast, but I can't wait to step up to the challenge. Great scripts and art design. Two cameras for the first time for me. Bliss.

Most gratifying for me recently is that I've really come to understand shot design and lens length and the like in a deeply ingrained way. I am always learning, of course, but certain things are becoming solid knowledge that I don't have to think about, much like you eventually learn to read and write and then it just becomes things you know organically, which lends a certain increased level of confidence and decreased level of stress. Fully understanding what's being shot and how it will cut together is most awesome.

Most gratifying to me as I think about this coming weekend is the incredible group of people I am blessed to be working with. I am a production director at heart, and the team on this project is amazing. I'm getting the opportunity to work with people I've been dying to work with, which is so wonderful. MBF is helping build tomorrow and is shooting stills on the days, which also makes me so happy. Team. Filmmaking is about Team.

So a little more job hunting today, and then it's off to the races. This weekend is what I live for.

Well, I guess we can see what's going to happen to the blog when I become a working director.

Sorry, peeps, I've got production on the brain. We're through casting and into final crewing, set design, shot design. This week I've got a production meeting tomorrow night and a read-through/rehearsal on Thursday. Shot design on Sunday.

Blogging at some point.

Swear.

UPDATE:  OK, the funniest thing is that I posted this and then realized that technically my last post was just the day before, so what the hell am I even talking about? But I posted that late on Sunday night and then fell into my director head, so it feels like a million years ago.

The Post Directing Crash - I wonder if it ever gets any better?

It's become so familiar that I am *almost* getting to the point where I can at least acknowledge it and kinda ignore it. My shoots are few and far between and lately they are always just one or two days. When the last "cut" is called there is a small high - And then a big crash.

To a lesser degree it happens after a day of auditions as well.

Part of it is purely physical. You're on, you're up, you're going full force focus for ten, twelve, sixteen hours - And then it's over. Boom.

Part of it is emotional. You've worked so hard with so much focus on something you're so passionate about - And then it's over. Boom.

But part of it is also that directing is not yet my main gig. Every opportunity is fought for and created on top of my full-time day job and my part-time blogging gigs. It's really, really hard. Work that is normally challenging often becomes exponentially hard and more painful and more stressful because of all I have to do on top of it to survive.

I know that this is what everyone like me deals with. And everyone has advantages and disadvantages in this game.

But the crash after production... the crash is painful.

And so I wonder. If I was a television director, and I knew I had more gigs coming up, and directing was my main gig - The crash, does it get better?

Does the feeling of production ending even become routine?

I suppose it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. The pain, the difficulty, none of that has any bearing on what I do.

Because what I do is whatever it takes to get where I'm going. What I do is the good work that's in front of me to do. What I do is work my ass off no matter what.

But I am curious what it will feel like when I'm further along the path.