Everyday Goddess

Learning about Heart Disease Has Never Been So Sweet.

Oh, I had such a wonderful time! And I really learned a lot about heart disease.

You can read about it over at Everyday Goddess Does... "You've Gotta Have Heart" to Fight Heart Disease.

"You've Gotta Have Heart"

I went to this really awesome event last night called "You've Gotta Have Heart." I can't write it up until I get home from work today, but I pulled myself out of bed early to get the pics up on Flickr.

Check it out, and tonight I'll tell you all about it!

www.flickr.com

This is a Flickr badge showing items in a set called "You've Gotta Have Heart". Make your own badge here.

I realize the truth: There is no frenzy. (in my Script Frenzy)

Could I *be* any less Frenzied?

Two things are happening:

1. I am trying to be realistic about my time and what is possible within it and within the bounds of health and sanity.
2. I really wish I had more time for Script Frenzy and screenwriting (and exercising, and sleeping, and).

The fact is that I screenwrite one night a week with a friend and that is an accomplishment every single week.

You know, I work full-time, and then I write for BlogHer on most Monday nights and Wednesday nights, and then I screenwrite on Tuesday nights - Well, by Thursday night I find that what I most want to do is sit on my ass and watch some quality television or go out and have some fun and not think about my computer screen or writing for an evening.

Sometimes I can fit in a second screenwriting shift in a week - Like if Hunky Actor Boyfriend is off on a Thursday night, sometimes we'll write and being with him helps me push through the Thursday night tired. And sometimes I can fit in a weekend shift. Far, far too often I've got too much other stuff in the weekend schedule queue.

I'm giving it all I've got to give.

I'm trying to accept that I've simply got to get sleep, because I can't be all exhausted at my full-time job. It's not fair to them, and it's miserable for me. Further, the only way I can make it through those first three days of the week is if I'm getting at least 7 hours of sleep - which isn't really enough, but again, it's all I've got to give and it is enough to keep me functional.

While I used Script Frenzy as motivation to start work on a project I'm totally in love with, I've got to be realistic that I simply don't have the time or the energy to give it to make it happen. What I have is the ability to push myself to write one night a week, even when it's killing me, and even when I'm tired.

So I'm sticking with that and powering through my screenwriting at the speed of turtles.

Very unfrenzied turtles, slow and steady. 

So, the question is, what do I shoot next? And other filmmaking stuff.

Last night, I went to a Q & A with Disney ABC Talent Development director Frank Gonzalez hosted by this cool organization ScreenplayLab (h/t InfoList.com). And I have to say, I'm feeling good about my 2008 application to the Disney ABC-DGA Directing Fellowship.

I've always had worries that I was screwed because of not working in television production, or not having the "right" letters of recommendation, or not having directed a feature, but really, it seems - and this makes a ton of sense - to come down to the reel and the desire to become a television director specifically. (And you *know* I've got that!) Hunky Actor Boyfriend helped with my written application this year, and I feel confident that it communicates that I understand television directing, and that I really, truly want to become a television director.

So, this year it comes down to "Hammer." What do you think?

One of my goals since moving to L.A. has been to have a better application to this program each year. Next year is the first year I may have to send what amounts to basically a duplicate application, unless I shoot something new. Ideally, written by someone who's not me, because I am queen of the serious talkie when I write shorts, and I'd like to shoot something a little more fun, or maybe even crime drama.

Which, I do belong to a directing group, GRIT, where we're just starting to talk about doing a series of 1-minute webisodes together where we each direct one. So, I'm thinking that that will be my next shooting project. "Hammer" was done as quite the solo project in the sense that while I certainly had an awesome group of people come together to make it happen, I was the writer and the director and the producer - the buck stopped with me, and I was the sole driving force. So, I think it will be a good experience to next do a project that's a group effort. Money and resource pooling can only be a good thing.

Twelve directors, one project, what could go wrong?

I've got a good feeling about it.

Now, as for the 2008 Disney ABC-DGA Directing Fellowship, they received over 500 applications this year and they only pick 3 fellows. Further, in the previous cycle they only interviewed 15, so the competition to even get an interview is fierce. Which I certainly suspected because they haven't called *me* yet.  ;)

You've got to wonder how much competition I drum up for myself blogging about the program.

But, I've got no problem with competition and rough odds. That's called inspiration and motivation, the best kind. It's so me to be faced with the news that there's over hundred more applications this cycle than last, and come away feeling inspired.

~

In other filmmaker news, check out this site from Moby: mobygratis.com. Free music for your non-profit projects! This concept of musicians providing easy, clear access to free music for filmmaking projects has the potential for major legs. Someone could absolutely start a new site based around this idea; it's effing brilliant. All you need is a solid software foundation so it's easy to join and use.

For now, of course, you've got mobygratis.com, which is really cool of Moby.

~

And finally, here's an awesome opportunity:  Put the 'public' back in Public Broadcasting this election season!

2008's presidential election contest is already one for the history books. All of America is caught up in the excitement and citizens everywhere are eager to vote. This spring, WGBH Lab's "Open Call" and P.O.V. offer you a chance to make your voice heard BEFORE the voting booths open: TELL AMERICA YOUR ELECTION STORY on PBS.

PITCH the WGBH Lab and P.O.V. your ideas for a compelling, 3-minute video short. Be creative -- we want to be surprised! If selected, we’ll give you $2,000 to make it happen. Afterwards we'll feature it online and we may broadcast it on national TV!

The deadline is May 2nd for your video pitch. And yes, I've got a brain gerbil going on this one, too.

"Hammer" cost exactly $2,000, so I'm taking that as a sign.

NBC puts BBC show "Merlin" in its primetime lineup!!!

In today's Hollywood Reporter, buried in the article on NBC's schedule announcement:

NBC’s series imports include Canadian drama “The Listener,” BBC fantasy “Merlin” and the U.K.-produced “Crusoe,” a reimaging of Daniel Defoe’s novel.

Not reshooting, my friends, ala the American version of "Coupling." No! They are importing these shows and showing them on primetime American television!!!

And let's face it, they totally should have just aired the original "Coupling." That show is hysterical. Hell, I'd watch it in primetime now.

Can it true? Has someone actually realized that you don't need to reshoot British shows for American eyes? I guess that's what happens when the whole world is watching BBC America. Can you say Dr. Who? Can you say Torchwood? Oh, I just want to break out into, "It's a Small World."

How The Reporter just glosses over it like it's no big deal, I have no idea.

Anyway, as far as I know, this is a first, at least in recent memory, and to that I say, HUZZAH! HUZZAH! HUZZAH!

Good show, NBC!

Here's a link to NBC's official series descriptions.

Script Frenzy Day 1: The Fear That Tells You Where To Go

I was in undergrad the first time I felt The Fear That Tells You Where To Go. It arrived while I was looking at an ad in the student newspaper, advertising a paid Student Government position: Assistant Controller. I was an accounting major at the time.

An accounting major with a part-time job at KFC I'd had since I was 16. It didn't leave a lot of time to be involved at school. A paid position would mean I could be a member of Student Government: A way to get involved.

But I was also intimidated. I hadn't been in Student Government in high school, and I hardly knew anyone at my college at all, as I was a commuter. In for class, then home again.

I knew it was a perfect opportunity, though, so I applied. I got the position, and I threw my comfort zone to the wind.

I went down to 3 days a week at KFC, and the assistant controller position offered me schedule flexibility for the first time. A year later, I became Controller of Student Government. With a bigger stipend, I was able to go down to 1 day a week at KFC. More schedule flexibility.

Because of that, I was able to rush and join a sorority. Something I never would have been able to do if I hadn't answered that ad. Something that helped me more ways that I can count, from learning how to meet and mingle with strangers, to getting my second job after college because the boss had held all the same positions as me in his fraternity.

That particular flavor of fear became my guiding light. I spent any number of years trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I'm future oriented and a planner; I explored graduate school for economics, teaching English in Japan, and joining The Peace Corps.

Then one day, after another fortuitous course of events and choices, I looked up Florida State University Film School on the Internet and printed out an application.

There it was. The Fear That Tells You Where To Go.

And then, my world got flipped and tossed and spun and there were all new kinds of fear. My life was in such upheaval, I'm not sure what drove me to L.A. The good fear was hopelessly mixed with bad fears and hurts. Part of me still isn't sure how I got here, but by then I was running on gut instinct, and here I am to stay.

Then, there's been many years of seeing what there was to do and doing what I could. Similar to the years of not knowing what I wanted to do. Now I knew, but my options were limited. So I worked. And I worked. At whatever I could.

And last year, when I did Script Frenzy, after taking a few years off from screenwriting, I was suddenly fearful again. Fearful of failing. Fearful of writing being my only way in - What if I suck? What if I can't do it?

I did OK last year. I'm not done with that screenplay, but what's there is good, and better than my previous writing.

This year, I'm doing an adaptation, because I know in my soul that I will be good at it. It's how my mind works. It's a puzzle and a challenge of pieces - where they go and which ones are missing, or should be.

I got up this morning, and I was afraid.

Driving to work, I berated myself in my head. Just do the work. Just have faith; you know you can do it. But what if I can't? What if I fail? What if this is the only way in, and I don't have the strength to keep up this pace? How long can I honestly keep up this pace?

What if I don't have what it takes? I'm afraid.

But I know I can do this, and I know it's the right thing right now, why am I feeling like this?

And like a light coming on - How did I miss it before? - I realized. This is not a bad fear.

This is The Fear That Tells You Where To Go.

New Fav: PopFiction on Hulu (from E!)

Have you checked out hulu yet?  Clearly new (the available movies list fits on one page and features an icon for "full-length" vs. clips), but very shiny.  Good interface and after you watch something you can email it to a friend or get the embed code. If you click share you can send it here there and everywhere (MySpace, del.icio.us, etc.) It's a new website that some of the networks and studios are using to get their stuff online. You can't skip the commercials, natch.

ANYway... I found a new love, PopFiction.  They write it "Pop Fiction," but this being 2008 and the Internet, I've decided it's PopFiction to me. It's a show from Ashton Kutcher that has celebrities hanging out with gurus (Paris Hilton) and donning fake baby bumps (Avril Lavigne) to trick the paparazzi and the tabloid press. It's fascinating to watch Paris and Avril just drive around town bombarded by photographers. Crazy time. And then to learn which lies in the tabloids were actually set-ups.

I don't even read tabloids or watch celebrity news shows and somehow both of those stories had hit my consciousness. Paris is so stoic about it all, while Avril seems more amused. They both seem at least mildly pained.

Hm... I just realized I must be picking these things up from my radio during my commute. I love me some Ryan Seacrest, but I could do without the celebrity gossip. Sigh.

UPDATE:  You know, it could be magazine covers at the grocery store.  Or Jezebel.

You know I never watch anything if it's not on Tivo or some other new tech. I watch LOST in real time, but I literally wait for Tivo to start recording it so I can get to it through the Tivo interface. I think I've forgotten how one actually watches TV without DVR tech.

And with the new iMac I'm much more set to watch stuff on my computer, too. So while I think PopFiction is from E! (judging by the copyright), I'll be watching PopFiction on hulu.

I take the weekend; You watch Squeegees!

OK, OK, me not blogging on the weekend is not actually anything new.  But new for me is that I will be completely away from the computer.  So yeah, I don't usually blog on Saturday/Sunday, but usually, I spend all weekend thinking about how I wish I could write this or that and I simply don't have the time because I'm running around doing this and that. Which is frustrating.

So this weekend I'm taking a full on mental break, which I started today by taking the day off and cleaning my kitchen, my clothes, my bathroom, and a few awesome shows off the Tivo (while I folded laundry, had lunch, etc.):  Lost, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, and, um, Yes, AMTM.  I distract you from my ANTM viewing by saying How Effing Awesome is it to see Brian Austin Green on T:SCC?  SO AWESOME.

But!  While I am "gone"!  You can check out my friends' new webisodes on ABC.com:  Squeegees!

I have love for the short form.  One of my dream futures involves me working my butt off as a television director (8 1-hr episodes a year, please!) and then shooting a good, old fashioned film short on my hiatus like every other year.  Did you notice that almost all the short noms for Oscars were foreign?  That's cause America has fallen in love with the webisode!

Truth be told, I love the webisode, too.  I am simply crazy for short form of any form.

I've started writing a webisode series, but I shouldn't even say that because for March and April I'm doing a book adaptation for Script Frenzy (book adaptation being another interest), so no time to work on my webisode idea, unfortunately.  And it needs work.  Sigh.

I have meandered.

Friends!  Webisodes!  Squeegees!

It's a funny little series about window-washers.  Great guys, and I was fortunate to visit their set for like an hour and the energy was really great.  I think you can see they're having a lot of fun.  New episodes Mondays and Fridays, and there's two up now.

Check it out.

Oh, and you can read about Squeegees in the LA Times, too.

"An Exercise in Discipline - Peel" by Jane Campion

It's hard to remember the year now, the year of my first film class.

For years, there was At the Movies with my father, and then after I graduated from undergrad at Florida Atlantic I was still taking various classes. I still didn't know what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be, so I didn't stop going to school. I loved movies, though, so eventually I took a film appreciation class at FAU. I saw Psycho (Alfred Hitchcock), I saw The Four Hundred Blows (François Truffaut), I saw The Cook the Thief His Wife & Her Lover (Peter Greenaway), and I saw An Exercise in Discipline - Peel by Jane Campion.

I was already an indie film lover, but I had never taken a class that discussed film aesthetics. Where we saw quintessential films, watched for their use of color and light, for example.

It was Peel by Jane Campion that planted a seed in my mind that I could make films.

Then there was a movie club in Boca Raton that showed pre-release prints of indie films, and then there was film classes at Palm Beach Community College, and then there was FSU Graduate Film School.

When I went to FSU, I still didn't have a grasp on the concept of shots, or how they cut together. Film school is like a one-room classroom - everyone goes in at different levels and holds on tight. I felt far behind everyone else.

I understood character and acting and performance - working with actors and the production team is my innate skill as a director. I didn't understand shot design, or editing, or lighting, or sound, or camera movement - Nothing technical, and I had never even watched a film in that way.

I didn't go back and watch Peel, because I didn't have it to watch. I'd seen it on film in a class.  I'm pretty sure the teacher strung actual prints on a projector for most of that class, but I suppose he might have secured some things on video tape.

And I didn't even have the eyes to see what I needed to see or the ears to hear what I needed to hear. When I went to film school, I was completely green. I learned as fast as I could, and I desperately wished it was faster. Certain things, like the visual effects of lens choice, and even the ability to see lens choice when I watch film or television, only fully clicked in the past few years here in L.A. (A mental relief to finally grasp that.)

So this morning, having discovered that the Criterion Collection of Sweetie has Peel on it, I sat down and watched this bit of my filmic history again. I was half afraid that it wouldn't hold up to my memory of it. Would it still hold meaning for me?  Would I still appreciate it?

My first thought as I watched it, was how much I wish I could have grasped and adapted an eye for shot design earlier. She's doing things with the camera that, of course, I saw when I watched it way back when, but not with the eyes that now understand the how of it and the exact what of it. The short is short at 9 minutes which makes it work as much today, I think, as it did back then.

The two things I particularly key into now, is the use of sound, which quickly became one of my particular passions from the moment I began to study it at school, and the presence of red hair. Certainly, my love of red hair in my films is my own - I've had a thing for red hair since birth - but there it is in Peel. A little redheaded boy and his father. Another reason I loved it on that first viewing, I'm sure.

Ultimately, it is the sliceyness of it (that is: slice of life) and the character of it that I loved then, and I love now. The sense of real people and real life that continues to drive me to study films from the 70s. The grit.

I wish I had been able to translate these things about me into my filmmaking earlier, but it is a journey to where the skills meet the voice and the vision. I feel like I'm not expressing how it is very well, this process of learning filmmaking. The way knowledge and understanding float over you until the day something like lens choice truly clicks in and you see it forevermore. Sound came quickly and easily for me; the understanding of picture came slower.

Finally, in this discussion of Peel as my inspiration, I will say something about role models. About the effect of watching a film short - a medium I continue to be crazy for - written and directed by a woman. I wish it didn't matter. But it did.

I have a picture of Sophia Coppola up in my office because she is almost my exact age, born a month before me, and she is Italian, and she has directed three features. Someone connected and of a different social class, clearly, but still someone like me. I call her my carrot. I hope to someday catch up with her.

I met Tamar Hoffs recently, and she was inspirational. It was joyous to hear about her history of filmmaking and her personal philosophies and her experiences in the business and the things she's learned.

Female role models matter, because being first... Well, I always say I'd rather be the 10th woman who wins a directing Oscar - But when we get to that first still remains to be seen. I have always wanted to be successful at whatever I was driven to do, but I have never aspired to be a trailblazer. I think that that empowers some people, that they get strength and drive from it, but I wish we were simply farther along.

I wish it didn't matter. Certainly, I've learned to look to male mentors and male inspiration. There is significant value there and much to be learned and inspired by. But the heart of it, the power of seeing someone like you, who faces the same societal assumptions and pressures, work and succeed as a professional director, cannot be denied.

Every year, I am reminded by the front page of The Hollywood Reporter, that even in 2007, this is what a director looks like:

These are all great directors, of course. Perhaps even truly the best choices of the year. But every year I look at articles like this, and I feel demoralized, discouraged, and uninspired by the fact that the directors chosen for honor are almost entirely always white males. They are not like me, and my journey continues to be a long one down a less traveled path.

But when I watch Peel, and I think about Jane Campion, and Sophia Coppola, and Tamar Hoffs, and Julie Taymor, and Catherine Hardwicke, and Mira Nair, and Gurinder Chadha, and Tamara Jenkins (do rent The Savages; it's amazing), that is when I remember what it's about for me. It's about who I am, and my passion for film and television. It's about the fact that this is my life, something I can't separate from and something I could never turn from, because then there wouldn't be any me left and no reason to get up in the morning.

I don't direct for a living right now, but I carry this developing skill and this burning passion and this learning eye with me wherever I go.  I will get there.

It's simply a matter of discipline.

Voting in the Spirit Awards

Last year, I joined Film Independent. I kinda felt like I'd hit the bases I could hit through Women in Film for a while - although I'm still a member - and my finances had loosened up enough that I could add another annual membership. And I saw that they had a number of new things I could do. For example, I went to their Filmmakers Forum, where I learned a lot of new things, and I learned that they have a directors program that's designed so that people working a day job can participate. Further, it requires a feature film screenplay to apply, so look at me, writing again!

Good stuff.

Then there's my history with independent film. When I went to FSU, I was an independent film lover. My first inspirations to become a filmmaker came from seeing Jane Campion's short, Peel, and François Truffaut's The Four Hundred Blows, as well as the indie hayday in the second half of the 90s, including Living in Oblivion; Cube; Run, Lola, Run; Living Out Loud; Happiness; Before Sunrise...

But, I also love the shiny. And as a director, with my personal skill set, I'm more drawn to working within a studio system, for example, on a larger romantic comedy or directing television. I like to manage a large team, and I'm good at working between the needs of the story and the needs of the studio. I want to direct films that appeal to a board audience.

Add to that the fact that the FSU Film School grad program, at least at the time I was there, was in the business of training people to work in Hollywood and is all about teaching production with very little time to watch anything that doesn't have specifically to do with what you're creating at the time - and my interest in independent film took a dive. And you know, just now as I'm writing this, I've realized that it's also become harder for me not to be effected by sound problems or cinematography that doesn't do it for me. I see and hear more - a lot more - than I did before. Oh, bad ADR, how you torture me!

But.

Not so much with the kickin' film career or getting anywhere near a television directing gig, am I?

One day I just knew that I have to get an indie feature off the ground. That's what I have to do. Which probably means I have to write one - OMG, I just remembered I have a couple of screenplays from other people to read that I haven't yet - BAD LIZ! Well, I'm glad I realized that, because now I have something to do while I'm waiting for screenings to start.

Which brings me - paragraphs later - to the point of this post: I registered to vote in The Spirit Awards.

See, I joined Film Independent, but going to see movies at all is a challenge with my schedule, so I haven't exactly been tearing through the indie film scene. Voting, I figured, would motivate me to see a bunch of independent films - Which is important if you're hoping to direct one, and also, generally good for the soul.

And then I got the list of nominees. And then I realized that I'd seen exactly ONE of the films on the entire list:  Talk To Me. So on top of everything else slamming my schedule for the next three months, I've got until February 13th to watch A LOT of films.

So far, I've seen six more - Two of which were last night, and I'm hoping to catch three - three! - more this weekend, plus maybe watch my Netflixed one. I'm kinda loving it. Some are available online (for people registered to vote), which my iMac makes sweet to watch, and then we have a whole screening schedule. It's a challenge, that's for sure.

So far, my favorite has been A Mighty Heart, which pretty much blew me away on all fronts. And yes, I've seen and enjoyed Juno. Just not as blown away on *all* fronts by that one, although definitely the casting/acting and the story/humor are really great.

Man, I have so, so much going on for the next three months - I've been feeling a little overwhelmed. But I've always thought that the counter-intuitive way to deal with a packed schedule is to throw in a little more and then work your ass off. Sensibly, I don't have time to be watching all these films, but watching them has me powered up and inspired and feeling like I'm making a small mark - my vote and all that.

I am frustrated that more of them aren't online or rentable yet. I'm probably not going to be able to see every single one of them because of that. The documentaries, for example. Every documentary should be online, as well as every film up for the John Cassavetes award (best feature under $500,000). I would really like to be able to watch all of those on my iMac.

It's also interesting to fully realize that the majority of people in entertainment voting on awards have not seen all the films - It's practically impossible, no matter how much you might care enough to. Being able to watch them at home on your own schedule is beyond key, but even with that, there's only so many hours in the day.

I can see why films with a lot of nominations get a lot of awards - It's not just because they rock, it's because when you see a heavily nominated film, you can put a lot of check marks on your list - so you make a point to see those films. The dynamics of it are really interesting.

For example, you say to yourself, Well, first off, I've definitely got to see every film up for best picture - and then, if that's all you got to, then the performances and tech work for those films have a big advantage. Personally, I'm a huge lover of supporting roles, but suddenly you've got a huge viewing challenge because some of the films in those categories are only in those categories.

Further, as streaming and downloading become more and more the norm, I suspect that awards will spread out because the people voting will find it so much easier to watch those one-off nominations. It's somehow even better than getting screeners - maybe because a big pile of DVDs is totally overwhelming, but logging in and saying, What should I watch tonight, is just kinda fun.

Anyway, I'm determined to see as many as I can, and I am making it a priority despite my other schedule pressures. As usual, it's got me getting more done all around - Take this Saturday blog post as evidence of that, and I came up with a design and a plan of attack for getting my directing web page up while I was waiting for a screening to start yesterday. Rock on.