Everyday Goddess

Do Nothing For Approval: A Letter To My Younger Self

This is a letter to a 26-year old girl who sat on a beach in Boca Raton, and faced for the first time that the path she was on was right for everyone around her except for the person who mattered most: herself. She looked into the Atlantic Ocean and thought, What do *I* want? And so began a journey from a called-off wedding in South Florida, to film school in Tallahassee, and finally to a creative life working in the entertainment industry in Los Angeles.

Every time I spot the Pacific Ocean now, I'm still a little surprised it's on the wrong side.

Fifteen years later, I could tell that girl that she'll still be working on the question: What do *you* want? She'll still fight the urge to subjugate her own desires and opinions, and to fit into societal norms, working to get up every day and make the choices that make sense to her.

Knowing and owning what you want is a lot easier in your 40s, but the desire for approval is harder to shake off. After all, we're raised to seek it, from our parents, our teachers, our friends. It can lead to good grades; it can lead to illegal drug use. Approval is powerful stuff.

And let me be clear: when it's healthy (and legal!) there's nothing wrong with enjoying approval when it comes. It's great when you do something and people love it and they love you for it. It's a blessing to be able to welcome that.

But, I'd urge her not to do things *just* to gain approval. Because what's going to happen is that sometimes what she knows is right isn't going to be the popular choice. The earlier she gets comfortable with that, the more successful she will be.

What does SHE want? She needs to ask herself, and respect the answer. It can be amazingly difficult to hear, particularly if you've developed what I call "hostess syndrome," where you put everyone else's needs above your own.

At age 26, that girl hadn't yet discovered film school, but it was right around the corner, first at Palm Beach Community College, and then at Florida State University. Being a director would require a diversity of skills. Many will come naturally; some we're still working on. That's the beauty of directing: the challenges and the opportunities for learning never end.

Neither does that child inside who wants to be approved of. She'll always be there, and that's okay. Other people's needs and opinions are important, and filmmaking is a team sport. You don't ever want to get to the place where no one will tell you anything that you need to hear. But as the director whom everyone's counting on to do an exceptional job, she'll have to learn to figure out what she needs.

After that, it's a matter of prioritizing. She'll need to pick her battles wisely.

On our last film short project, the challenge was deciding if a large, on-set monitor, which allows the director to see both the shot and the performance simultaneously, was necessary. Cost: $150 for the weekend, a lot of money in a tight little budget.

The young woman inside still wants to say, "Oh, it's okay, we can cut that. I can make do." She's said it before. The adult director, however, must know that it's needed, prioritize it appropriately, and insist.

Later, the decision will meet with approval. Good decisions often work that way, but not always. And sometimes she'll be wrong. A director makes decisions all day, and must keep working to get as many of them right as possible. She'll spend the rest of her life learning to forgive herself for the bad ones. She'll have to get a little comfortable with that part, too.

All I can tell her is that at least it begins to feel familiar.

I love this quote from Andy Warhol: "Don't think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad. While they are deciding, make even more art." She'll keep believing in her art, in what she sees in her head and feels in her gut.

Now? She won't do it for approval. She'll do it for herself.

This post is part of BlogHer's Success Tips For My Younger Self editorial series, made possible by Kaplan.

2012: My Year in Quotes

2012 was a good year, a hard working year. I started the year with a list of things I wanted to take care of, get through, and I did those things along with a ton of directing work. It was a hard year in some ways, but I've got nothing but gratitude for the journey through.

Got my paper calendar again for 2013. Even as I work to shed more and more paper and books and hard media from my life, the calendar sticks. Might just stick for my forever. I like to see my whole month at once, and I like to write in my days. I like to write my quotes across the top of the months as they come.

Here's what 2012 brought:

January: "I am grateful for my teachers - which is to say every single one of you." - Todd Jensen, LA Yoga, Oct. '11

April: "When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky." - fake Buddha quote

May: "Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get." - Dale Carnegie

June: "The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage." - Thucydides

July: "You make a film to distract people, to interest them, perhaps to make them think, perhaps to help them be a little less naive, a little better than they were." - Claude Chabrol

August: "Don't think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad. While they are deciding, make even more art." - Andy Warhol

September: "I have never understood why it is 'greed' to want to keep the money you've earned, but not greed to want to take someone else's money." - Thomas Sowell

October: "Loss is nothing but change, and change is nature's delight." - Marcus Aurelis

November: "Talent hits a target no one else can hit. Genius hits a target no one else can see." - Arthur Schopenhauer

December: "We must not be afraid of dreaming the seemingly impossible if we want the seemingly impossible to become a reality." - Vaclav Havel

I'm already two quotes into 2013! Can't tell yet how it's gonna be as a whole, but it's certainly in like a lion. A colorful, shaggy, foot-stamping, head shaking lion who's waiting, waiting, waiting to roar.

Those Pesky Online Dating Desired Age Ranges

Dating Advice from Liz: You're probably not looking for a posse; you're probably looking for one person who's a good fit for you. Making anything anyone thinks they can say is universally true about "men" or "women" rather irrelevent at the end of the day.

I got more than one email this week from a guy on OKCupid who was way over my desired age range, which goes up to 46. I am 41. Historically speaking, I've tended to date younger than myself, and I prefer to date someone right around my own age. This doesn't preclude the possibility that in real life I might not find myself dating someone older, but it would be surprising.

Emails from older guys on OKCupid despite my stated preference, at this point: not surprising. They often make mention of the fact that they are outside my desired age range. And then they email me anyway.

I sympathize with how they might be feeling. It's a bummer when you read a profile, love it, and then discover that you're too old for that person. It happens to me quite frequently.

The only difference is, I'm looking at a profile of someone who's the same age as me, and these dudes are looking at the profile of someone ten years younger than themselves.

Oh, and also, I respect what people say they're looking for, and I don't send emails to people who aren't looking for me.

I have a couple of personal online dating rules in regards to dating age range:

1. I will not date anyone who's desired age range doesn't include their own age. (Just not a match.)
2. I try not to interact with anyone who's desired age range doesn't include my own age. (Just rude.)

I asked my friends on my Facebook yesterday:

For a potential blog post - Thoughts on guys whose upper limit in their desired age range in their online dating profiles is 3 to 4 years younger than their own age, GO:

Thank you to everyone who responded with such a great variety of answers. To briefly address the more obvious thoughts, I'm not talking about profiles of men who want, or may want kids (where I never get so far as looking at age range), and many men in their 40s are way too mature for their age, not the other way around like maybe I might agree it is in high school and your 20s. But honestly, I was less actually mature in my 20s, so much as I was just perfectly trained to do all the things that are traditionally attached to the word "maturity" to gain the approval of society.

When I first began online dating, I do remember that I tended to feel like "Order up!" Like you can just be really specific and put in your dream date's stats, and just use online dating for that dynamic. So some of it is probably that.

I find myself tempted to change my age range to an upper limit of 37 or 38. Just to see what it looks like, and what it feels like to do that. I get shit from people because I generally don't want to date someone in their 50s, but it's totally socially acceptable for a guy to dismiss out of hand someone their own age. What an amazing privilege that is! I kind of want to try it on for size, especially because it's rather rare for me to meet someone my own age who matches me in terms of energy and lifestyle.

I don't do that because it would be silly. But I do wish that OKCupid made it possible to block emails from guys outside my desired age range, and to remove from searches anyone who isn't looking for someone who's 41. A girl can dream... of superior online application functionality. So hot.

In the end, the why of some men dating exclusively younger than themselves doesn't really matter, nor does the extent of the phenomenon. It just is what it is, and I'm not looking for a posse.

Books I Read in 2012

OK, I'm letting go of the 12/12 annual reading goal (12 fiction and 12 non-fiction). I made it in 2009, and surpassed it in 2010, but both those years contained a fair bit of unemployment and then a fair bit of commuting 20+ miles through the wilds of Los Angeles listening to audio books.

Previous lists here.

It's simply not a realistic goal for me with my current life configuration, although reading remains a priority as one of my few hobbies, an important part of education and continual life and self improvement, and also as a source of film adaptation dreaming. Film adaptation being the only form of screenwriting I personally enjoy doing.

This year I read 16 books, 9 fiction and 7 non-fiction. Not too shabby, although one of these was Jonathan Livingston Seagull, which admittedly I read on one lunch break. Here's the list, from most recent back. A star indicates that I read it with my book club. My favorite books this year were 1, 4, 6, and 12.

1. Directors Tell The Story by Bethany Rooney
2. The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón, Lucia Graves (Translator) *
3. Devil Said Bang (Sandman Slim #4) by Richard Kadrey
4. My Brain Made Me Do It: The Rise of Neuroscience and the Threat to Moral Responsibility by Eliezer J. Sternberg
5. Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki
6. Nocturnes: Five Stories of Music and Nightfall by Kazuo Ishiguro
7. Earth Abides by George R. Stewart
8. Red Shirts by John Scalzi
9. Packing for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void by Mary Roach  *
10. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole  *
11. Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach
12. Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu, Gia-Fu Feng (Translator), Jane English (Translator)
13. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller *
14. Billenium by J.G. Ballard
15. Townie by Andre Dubus III *
16. The Tao of Dating by Alex Benzer

So... a new 2013 goal. I think 12 would be a good goal, but not enough of a challenge. I want to say 18, but maybe that's stretching it, considering I only hit 16 this year.

It's challenging to land on even numbers. I find odd numbers more appealing generally, although my favorite number is 2... I really like numbers that are divisable by 3 and 9, so actually, I think I will say 18. New goal, 18 books in 2013, 9 fiction and 9 non-fiction. I've already started my first book of the year, so I'm going to try to get cracking on that.

What was your favorite book you read this year?

Filmmaking with a Full-Time Job

December 2012 was the first time I thought to myself, Maybe I Can't Do This. I turned my mind in a direction it had never gone and wondered what if. What if I wasn't working on directing anymore?

The irony is that I've finally starting making scheduling choices and having opportunities so that slowly but surely I *am* directing more. But with the opportunity of "Zero Sight: Bad Call" I found a small voice inside my head wondering, What if this is as far as you can go? What if nothing comes next? What if you blow this one, How will there ever be another? What if you rock this one, How will there ever be another?

January 2013 was the first time I thought to myself, OK, I CAN Do This. I am getting it. I am finally getting better at shot design and previsualization to add to all the aspects of directing I take more naturally to. I'm getting the pre-pro process better than ever before. Slowly. Painfully. It felt like I could feel the new neural connections forming as I worked my ass off. It was an amazing relief.

And then I went back to work. And then I realized with a new clarity that 80% of my angst, my doubt, comes from having to do the work of filmmaking while working a 40-hour a week job. It's really fucking hard. I had started feeling better the minute my vacation time started and I could focus fully on the short. That was what made the difference in my mind set.

It wasn't as hard in some ways when I was an assistant. But unemployed at 39/40, I found I couldn't get those jobs anymore in the entertainment industry. And there were negatives there, too. So now I'm a project coordinator. It's much more technical, and often I feel completely mentally wiped out at the end of a day. Cue the second shift! Zzz...

And I really like my job. I like working in audio post, I like the people, I like the work and the business, I like my health insurance, and I can't be creative when I'm afraid of losing my apartment and not being able to pay my bills. It affected me in film school, because I couldn't work, and I was always afraid about money as I put every fourth month completely on credit cards. Plus, I'd worked since I was 16, and two years of no income often left me hardly able to function from the fear.

Unemployment was like living through that again.

So I am very grateful for my job. And coming out of unemployment, I recognized that I had to start making different decisions about my time so that I was directing more. I was so eager to be directing again after the dark years. In 2012, I did a lot less blogging, a lot less going out - both for fun and for filmmaking education - and a lot more filmmaking. It was amazing. And it was exhausting.

And I thought deep in my soul, What if I can't do this anymore? I'm so fucking tired of working this hard all the time. What the hell am I doing? How can I keep living this way? I'm making better decisions. I don't have kids or other commitments, I've pared my monthly expenses down and down, I've pared my schedule down, I'm getting sleep and exercise and good food. All there is is my day job and filmmaking, and it's still so fucking hard.

And then I stood on the fullest set I've had as a director in a long time surrounded by beautiful creative people working their asses off for the story that I had fought to bring this far. And I remembered.

I remembered that all the work and all the sacrifice is for the moment I'm watching the magic on the screen. The moments I am fully focused on that story and all the pieces that come together to make it happen.

It's hard. It's ever ellusively beyond my abilities to do it perfectly. It's a never-ending, fantastic challenge that filmmakers do as part of a creative team. It's so unbelievably fun and amazing.

It's the reason I get up in the morning.

And so, coming off of the "Zero Sight: Bad Call" shoot, I felt like, Wow, I am so ready for a longer shoot. One week, two, three. That would be SO awesome, and such an opportunity to move forward in my skill set.

And then I got back to work, looked at my remaining vacation time, and wondered how. And stuffed my heart back into the cubicle box, and wondered how. And realized my car ignition needs to be checked out, and I'll be carless and biking if it breaks, and wondered how.

And then I got some sleep. And let it go. And put my mind back to the post production work in front of me. That for which I get paid, and that for which I don't. It's like a net, post production. It's where I like to land.

I don't know what's next. I don't know when I'll stand on set directing again, and I don't know how it'll work with my day job.

But I don't have to know right now, right this second. I just have to do the good work that's in front of me to do to the best of my abilities.

And I do so now with a renewed sense of purpose. I am a director. And so I will continue to work to get what opportunities I can and to knock whatever's in front of me out of the park. So often in the past year I've had moments where I've felt like, It's Too Much. And when that happens, I remember that the solution is to simply click it up a notch. When it seems like too much work, I simply adjust my mind set to that level. As long as I'm making good choices, then the work level in front of me is the work level that must be done.

It's a good life, lived as I wish. For that I feel forever blessed.

The shoot went awesome, by the way! I can't wait to see it all come together, and I can't wait to share it with you. Soon, soon!

Friending the Fear Demon

I spent large part of December scared out of my mind. After a year of super low-budget shooting, I'd scored an opportunity to direct a film short for Stage 5 TV's YouTube show, The Continuum. I had a fantastic script and a great producer. And I found myself fighting paralyzing fear. The kind that finds you sitting on your couch watching too much TV because to turn away means facing the terrifying fear sitting right next to you.

Of course, I sat there watching relevent content and thinking about shot design. We had hugely successful casting, attaching wonderful actors I can't wait to work with. Meetings with our wonderful crew. The work got done.

But the fact that this was such a cool opportunity - and perhaps because of the great script, cast, producer, crew, I was frequently feeling very blocked by fear. And not even some exotic type of fear, either. This was straight up fear of failure and self-doubt.

And the answer is always to do the work. What's in front of you to do? Do that.

But I would come home and sit on my couch, and there it was, my new unwanted companion.

It was already subsiding when I sat across a table sipping coffee with a good friend and described it as a giant monster who left me frozen, unable to think. Once I got closer to the shoot, my inner director kicked in, and to some extent the fear falls away. Or my focused energy simply takes up all the space in my head. I still marvel at the first day I was on set directing at film school and realized who I am when I'm there, what directing awakens in me.

But back to the giant monster on my couch.

The very next day after I described my fear as a giant monster, I read this on Tiny Buddha in a post called How To Believe In Yourself In The Face Of Overwhelming Self-Doubt:

Before, I imagined self-doubt as a life-sucking monster. Now, I realize it’s actually a fearful, angry, and lost creature secretly crying for help.

I was blown away that I had *just* described my fear as a monster the day before!

Now, it's important to the story to note that I've been watching a lot of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, because the pacing and the tone are similar to my upcoming film short, Zero Sight: Bad Call. And so the moment I read those words, I knew.

I knew that Overwhelming Fear of Failure was the Fear Demon, featured in the season 4 episode, Fear Itself. I don't want to tell you the whole episode, but ultimately, the Fear Demon's bark is worse than his bite. It's available on HuluPlus, you should totally check it out.

What I love about the post on Tiny Buddha is that the author, Melissa Ng, goes on to say:

Like fear, joy, and sadness, doubt is part of human nature, and it needs understanding. If you want to improve yourself, you need to tame your self-doubt, not fight with it. That means paying attention to how you react to things, understanding the root of your insecurities, and taking steps to address your fears.

So, the Fear Demon isn't a monster to defeat - although that certainly made a satisfying ending to the Buffy episode - instead he just needs a little love and understanding. We don't have to be scared just 'cause he's trying to bust up the party. That's just how he do.

I decided right then and there to keep him right where I could see him, on my project notebook. "Who's a little fear demon? Come on. Who's a little fear demon?"

As an epilogue, the next day I attended the "8th Annual Focus On Female Directors" at the Egyptian in Hollywood. I've been many times, as I love short films and it's always exceptionally curated. The panel was asked to share their biggest challenge on their projects, and director Jill Soloway shared that with every project she faces self-doubt.

My good friend and actress, Kerry Hite, who will play The Woman in Zero Sight: Bad Call, turned to me and said, "Do you feel better now?"

And I do. I really do.

Resolved for 2013: Break Some Rules and Kick Some Ass

Last year and last year's resolution were a rousing success! In 2012 I resolved to:

1. Ask for what I need.
2. Accept what others can give.
3. Give what and whenever I can.

It may seem a bit silly, but having this resolution really empowered me when I would shirk from asking for things that I needed. I would think, "Ask for what I need, ask for what I need", and I would just do it, often to positive response. Items 2&3 come naturally to me, and followed organically from item 1.

Last year I got the air conditioning fixed in my car, got caught up on medical and dental appointments, completed my bankruptcy, got a cyst removed from my wrist, and worked a full year at the same day job for the first time since 2008.

I also was on set as director for 8 days, a record since I moved to L.A. in 2002. I directed:

• Trojan Fun Pack Commercial
• Missing Miranda Kickstarter Spots
• An episode of an upcoming web series called "WRNG"
• Sasha's scenes

In super low-budget indie filmmaking, trust me, there's a lot of needs and asking.

It was a challenging year, a catch-up year, and yet at the same time I managed to moved forward in multiple significant ways. I was feeling a little wiped out going into December, but I used some vacation days to relax and be constructive, and I find myself starting January with a significant shoot on the schedule and a refreshed body and soul.

Huzzah!

My 2013 resolution came to me in a flash while I was thinking about my directing in the past year. I did a fair bit of guerilla filmmaking in 2012. It doesn't come naturally, and it's a BIG challenge for me to break rules.

There's a shot in my FSU thesis film, Every Little Girl's Dream, with a large clump of Spanish moss in the foreground. You can see it at 11:16. At the time, I wouldn't move it because you're not supposed to disturb Spanish moss in Florida. But The Shot! The Shot!

I'm all about the acting and the art department and the writing and on and on, but The Shot is so important in filmmaking. In 2013, I'm going to be working hard on my visuals to push my filmmaking forward.

I'm certainly not telling you to disturb Spanish moss in Florida, but these days this filmmaker's been breaking some rules. It doesn't come naturally, and it disturbs my inner Girl Scout deeply, but I'm giving myself permission to break some more, because I seriously need to start kicking some ass. In super low-budget indie filmmaking, trust me, there's some rule breaking.

I'm looking forward to another challenging year, and I am so grateful for the opportunities in front of me and the incredibly talented people beside me. I truly believe that together, we're going to kick some ass.

2013. We're teenagers now, Millenium People! Let's start breaking some rules.

Household Shopping Online - Introducing The P&G eStore

This time of year I catch news stories about shopping, and I marvel at the sheer amount of product purchasing that occurs out in real life. Because I'm not a big shopper, and a lot of the shopping I do happens online.

OK, OK, I still go to the supermarket and the drugstore, and I'll pick up the occasional gift item from small businesses I already frequent, like my salon or my yoga studio, but more often or not, if I can buy it online and save time and gas, that's a win win for me.

One area of online shopping I've recently been exploring is household items, like I would usually get at the supermarket or the drugstore. And in this arena, there's a new player in town: The P&G eStore lets you buy your favorite P&G products in bundles and save.

Now, you know the shipping situation is key in online purchasing, and I find that becomes even more of a truth when you're buying household products online instead of just throwing them in the cart while you're at the store. Ideally, you save a trip to the store, of course, but I don't really want to pay shipping on household items while I'm trying to save, you know?

The P&G eStore is on top of that, with great deals right off the bat. Check it out:

• Free shipping on orders over $25
• 15% off on a first-time order from a new customer, using promo code: A9Z-MN5-KY3-ISA
• Free samples with every order.

What do they mean by products in bundles? Well, for example, I just paid $9.49 at the drugstore this weekend for 8 Duracell AA batteries. And then I got home and realized that I probably should have bought more. And then I started writing this post and realized I should be buying batteries online at the P&G eStore.

Like, how about a 28-count pack of Duracell AA batteries for $17.99!

Does a stocking stuffed with batteries mean Santa left you many cool electronic toys under the tree? They've got a whole P&G eStore Duracell page, with lots of great deals. Bundles of batteries!

Of course, the P&G eStore only sells P&G products, but they make A LOT of stuff. If some of your favorite brands are from P&G, there are great deals to be had on beauty products, cold medicine, shaving products, hair care, cleaning supplies, pet food, etc. And you can shop from your desk, and their website is well-designed and easy to navigate.

During this busy holiday season, online shopping is such a blessing. I guess shopping can be fun sometimes, but not for household products. That's just a chore.

So check out the P&G eStore, and have a happy holiday season!

The Only Dating Rules Are Your Dating Rules

And rules were made to be broken, of course. When you want to.

So I haven't blogged too much sex & relationships in recent years, but, you know, dating leads to revelations, and I'm a sharer.

I was thinking the other day that we need a word like "technophobe" to apply to those people who are so anti-sharing on social media. They tend to misuse the word "narcissistic" a lot, and they really don't care what you had for dinner. So un-fun.

I digress.

Personal dating revelations from 2012.

So I'm on OKC, my dating site of choice. I've e-met someone interesting, and I'm happy about that. Message, message. He says, Let's grab coffee. I'm not a huge fan of the coffee date, because it tends to feel like every other meeting in a coffee shop, but I also don't like to suggest a drink against a coffee date, because you never know, maybe the guy doesn't drink.

So I say, How about Thursday? And he says, Can we do Friday? And on Monday morning before work, I say, That'll work, Here's my number, Maybe give me a ring some night this week?

He doesn't answer that message one way or another, so I figure he'll call. And then he doesn't call. So Friday morning I wake up, having held open my Friday, and I figure he flaked.

It happens.

I don't give it too much energy, because people are often on dating sites before they're really ready to date. My personal philosophy is that everyone's just doing the best they can most of time.

The end.

Except that my phone rings while I'm completely slammed at work at 9:20am that Friday morning. I pick up because I'm in physical therapy for my wrist recovery from surgery, and I think maybe it's the office calling me to reschedule or something. It's this guy, calling to see if I want to go to dinner that night.

Now, upping it to dinner is nice, and I appreciate the thought.

But ultimately, when I called him back - because hello, 9:20am on a weekday, slammed at work - I declined, and suggested that he give me a call in the following week and we try again the following weekend. I hoped that he would, but I wasn't surprised that he didn't.

So, kind of a bummer, for what it's worth, but It Is What It Is. I always think that the beginning of dating someone is like getting through the breakers in the surf on your way out to the ocean. Me and this guy hit a big wave and wiped out. You recover and you try swimming out with someone else.

It was interesting to me, though. Because there are two schools of thought here.

The first is, That we already had plans for Friday, so it was fine to call me Friday morning to solidify.

The more traditional is, That the beginning is when you're trying to impress each other, and not calling all week isn't very impressive. It certainly didn't make me feel good.

Historically though, I would tend towards the first interpretation, particularly because it's an e-meet from a dating website. We haven't met in person yet, and we weren't introduced by mutual friends, so there's no expectations that it wouldn't be ubercasual at this point.

Except. This year I realized something about myself, and that is that when I'm dating I really prefer regular contact. Emails, texts, calls. Doesn't have to be every day, and definitely I have to play my part in that, but the I Don't Hear From You All Week Thing really doesn't cheer me, even though I've rolled with it many times in the past.

I dated someone I really liked this year who was very disappeary, and it really didn't work for me. I dated someone else I really liked this year that didn't work out for other reasons, but we quickly were speaking, emailing, or texting almost every day, and that aspect was pretty awesome.

And the fact is, I've never had anyone switch from being less communitive to more so. I always think it will transition as the relationship grows, but it never has.

And I've been dating in L.A. for over ten years now. So.

Now, here is the Most Important Thing. That guy probably thinks I'm a freak, and that is also totally cool. Neither thought process is wrong because there are no rules in dating and it's not about rules.

It's about you and what works for you.

Someone else may have been totally cool and gone to dinner and maybe next year they're married and living happily ever after. But it's not gonna be me, because I drove to work Friday feeling not good about it, and I don't go out anymore unless I'm looking forward to the date. It's really that simple.

Particularly because for me, dating is about FUN. I enjoy going out and meeting people. I enjoy going out and having a good time.

Clearly, as a relationship gets serious, and if I remember correctly as it goes on through time, sometimes it's not fun, but I am really looking to share my life with someone happy who prioritizes fun. For me, being in contact is part of that. That happy heart giggle when you get a friendly text or an email is pure life gold.

So if you're dating, and as you're dating, I encourage you to think about what you want and what makes you happy. It's not about judging what's right and wrong in the grand sceme of relationships. It's OK if some of your friends and some of your dating partners think differently. You're not looking for a posse of concurrence.

You're just looking one. Someone who fits with you, and the best way to find that is to figure out who you are, and be true to that.

I leave you with Rumi, because he's a man who knows:

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." ~ Rumi

Coming Soon: "Zero Sight: Bad Call"

When I FINALLY found a new, stable full-time job in October 2011, I gave myself the first few months to learn about my new position, settle into a new daily environment, and get through the holidays. It was a good season and that December I took my usual "month off." Meaning, in December I usually take what to me feels like a vacation: I just work my day job.

And then in January, I was off and running. I had some amazing experiences during my long un-and-under-employment, and I had various projects in development, but I hadn't been able to direct anything. Since I started the new job, I've been feeling incredibly motivated to get my shit going again, for lack of a better way to put it.

So, for the past year, I've been simultaneously getting through personal business - like finally getting cavities filled and getting the air conditioning fixed in my car - and I've been directing. I've been really fortunate this year to get to jump into some cool projects, including the "Missing Miranda" Kickstarter Campaign and an upcoming web series called WRNG.

And now, I've been incredibly blessed with a cherry on top. I've been greenlit to direct a short for Stage 5 TV's YouTube show, The Continuum. It's an amazing anthology show that releases a new, beautiful film short each week. And the best part is, that the writer of my unproduced web series, Zero Sight, Michael Patrick Sullivan, wrote a free-standing film short based in the same universe called "Zero Sight: Bad Call", and that's the short that was greenlit.

So I am over-the-moon.

And incredibly challenged to knock it out of the park.

For "Zero Sight: Bad Call" is an ambitious project for the budget and schedule. Multiple locations, a robust cast, and limited resources.

My challenge right now is that I have to navigate the line between working on the production and working on the direction. I have a wonderful producer on board, and we are working to build the team and solve the various production issues. I'm not going to lie. It's kept me up at night on occasion.

And so, I've begun, slowly, to think of the directing work as my refuge. My solace. My most important time spent.

And I've cleared my schedule, and I'm saving every penny - little though I have - to add to the production. We're shooting in January, and I intend to live and breath this baby from now through the first quarter of 2013. I intend to do the absolute best that I can do within the given constants.

It's been a long, full year. An amazing year.

So who needs a "month off" when there's awesomeness to direct?! We're diving in, and we're not coming up until we've hit awesome.