Everyday Goddess

Temescal Canyon, You Are Dead To Me

If you talked to me a week ago about hiking in L.A., one place would have come out of my mouth: Temescal Canyon. Nevermind that when I was last there on June 25th it was majorly overgrown so that numerous spots were like bee gauntlets and so dusty that my friend slipped and twisted her ankle - that sort of stuff tends to be a temporary state, and it remained my favorite urban hike. I can't count how many times I've recommended it to people.

And yes, I pay to park in the lot. This time I didn't have change to put $7 in the iron ranger, so I put in a $10. To support the park.

Then last Thursday, I got a $175 dollar "Mountains Recreation and Conservation Authority Stop Sign Photo Enforcement Program Administrative Citation" in the mail. Which I have only until August 15th to pay. And which, if I would like to request an administrative hearing about, I still have to shell out the $175 dollars first. I will have to put it on a credit card, because I don't actually have that much available spending money in two months, much less one.

Yes, I ran the stop sign. In fact, they have a charming video I can watch online for 60 days.

That said, $175 is an absurd amount of money for running a stop sign, and more importantly, camera traps are currently illegal in the state of California (see this article in the Palisades Post regarding a current class action lawsuit) - and this ticket seems to be from a private company that runs the camera. Had I known I'd gotten a ticket that day, from an actual law enforcement officer, I would have known to pull back on my grocery shopping and gas consumption so I could pay the ticket without having to put it on a credit card.

Also, I now loath Temescal Canyon with the strength of a thousand suns. I will never hike there again, and I will actively warn people not to go there. Honestly, the entire thing makes me sick to my stomach, $175 is so much money to me. I'll never be able to go there without feeling horrible.

Note that these cameras are in five locations I will personally avoid like the plague: two in Temescal Gateway Park, Two in Franklin Canyon Park, and one in Topanga (according to the Palisades Post article).

Did I run a stop sign? Yes, I did. And if the ticket was a reasonable amount of money and issued by the state of California via an actual law enforcement officer, I would feel a heck of a lot less scammed.

Are $175 tickets worth forever alienating your patrons? I guess so.

9 Reasons Why Dating Civilians is a Bad Idea

This is my attempt to flip around this drivel: 9 Reasons Why Dating Actors is a Bad Idea. Apologies to my civilian friends - I love you; I just don't want to date you. And let's face it, you don't want to date me either. And that's all OK. For the record, I love actors and sometimes, I date them, too.

One of the most common romantic fantasies that men and women in this country tend to have is to date and marry and live the American Dream. The men all want June Cleaver, and all the women want Mike Brady?

And why not (besides the mildly inconvenient fact of those two being fictional)? Conforming to social norms can find you loved, financially stable, and the subject of envy. And your friends will be happy you settled down just like them. Right?

Now I've been living in Los Angeles as a struggling director-type for some years, and for better or for worse have gone out with enough civilians to know what it's really like. So if you're an entertainment industry type seeking a fulfilling relationship, here I present to you why dating a "civilian" is a Bad Idea. My experience is with males, but the generalizations below being of the vast variety, they apply regardless of gender. (I'm honestly not quite sure how that works, but my musings are vast, VAST I TELL YOU.)

1. Civilians are financially stable.

They are often frugal and they tend to want to spend money on houses, kids, and cars. They plan for retirement, and they aren't going to want to spend their vacation money shooting a film short.

"Maslow's hierarchy of needs says that base-level needs like shelter, security, employment and resources supersede higher ones." True that, but further, when these are the most important things to you, you don't rise to the higher ones involving story, film, and artistic expression. So someone who's focused on making a traditional life doesn't just lack time for artistic expression but may not be in a position to offer (or receive) creativity at all.

2. Civilians are in a state of perpetual emergency.

Normal life is so stressful! You didn't RSVP for my party! Are you coming?! How can I PLAN?! OMG you FLAKED??? ENTERTAINMENT TYPES ARE SO UNRELIABLE!!! Every little life thing is an emergency requiring excessive amounts of planning and commitment. Funerals and weddings, people. You have to commit and be on time for funerals and weddings. And set, of course.

If you're dating him, you try to be accomodating the first few times. But after another big deal because you had to cancel for a last minute meeting, you start wondering whether all the pressure about things that really seem like they should be more casual is your idea of fun. Which contributes to the next problem...

3. Civilians have normal schedules.

Where they work half as much as you and yet somehow seem really tired, really stressed out, and sometimes incapable of handling a life that seems pretty damn cush.

Civilians are going to care that you work on weekends. They're going to care that you're on a film shoot instead of regularly and constantly available to go out to dinner and to friends' birthday parties. If you're on a shoot for 3 months, they might actually perceive that as a negative.

If pursuing dreams and creative work is an essential part of your fulfillment in a relationship, then you're not going to be fulfilled. But hey, you'll make that birthday party. Whoopee.

4. They aren't constantly exposed to rejection, so they don't understand the entertainment psyche.

I bet you've got a mantra. I bet you've got good days and bad days. I bet you're a master of the pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You might even go to a therapist to help you manage your self-esteem issues.

I bet you've dated someone who judges you for all of that. The fact is, they couldn't take it for even a day, so why would you want to date them?

5. They are rarely criticized publicly and therefore feel insecure.

Hey, I know the bad things people think about me. My good friends tell me to my face, and my critics hop on my online spaces and tell me I suck and that I'm doing everything wrong. You know what that does? It makes you stronger. It makes you question, decide, and move forward with your own ways, your own art, your own plans.

Poor civilians don't want even one round of that fight. But secretly, deep down inside, they worry about what people think of them.

6. Their lack of self-absorption in an artistic passion leaves little room in their lives for yours.

Entertainment work takes self focus. Sometimes you've got people cheering you on, other times it's just you in your court. You've got to think about your stuff all the time. You've got to work on your stuff all the time. In my group of good entertainment friends, our self-absorption feeds into our interest and support of each other and each others' projects. We take turns in a sense. We each have a passion, so we understand the prioritization of passion. We find ways to fit our passions together.

However, civilians often don't have anything similar in their lives nor the time and energy to be understanding and patient about your 16-hour day. They may feel that you're not there to support them in their times of need. You may feel like *sometimes* their times of need are rather silly.

Also, you will probably push yourself to be there for them even when it's crazy difficult, and they will not remotely appreciate that you turned your 16-hour day into a 20-hour day. After all, they took their 10-hour day and... Well, your priorities are all screwed up anyway.

7. They find sustained, deep happiness in a totally different way from you.

Insert pseudoscience drivel here, but seriously, for this point please see my favorite film of 2010: Get Him To The Greek. There's a moment at the end where (spoiler alert) Aldrous Snow goes on stage and Aaron Green decides the music industry isn't for him. In that moment we see Aldrous Snow's bliss, and we see a civilian walk away from it. Entertainment is like that, it's about the bliss, and it doesn't have to be the immediate gratification of a concert. Every other day of my life is worth every day I'm directing. Knowing I'm working towards those days and practicing my craft is where my sustained, deep happiness comes from. Applause or good reviews is just bonus happy.

Civilians feel that way about other things, I'm sure, and no one should ever say that any group of people isn't capable of sustained, deep happiness. That's just silly.

8.Their satisfaction is externally detemined.

"If you were to summarize all the thinking of the ages about happiness and living the good life, it may come down to this: if you can generate your own good feelings from within, you win. If you depend on the outside world to generate good feelings for you, you lose."

If you live and work in entertainment, you become an expert at generating your own good feelings from within. Of course, you're helped out by the inherent meaning and motivation to be found in exercising craft and pursuing an artistic journey.

Poor civilians be keeping up with the Jones. So sad. (And, of course, not sweepingly true of any group of anyones. See point 7.)

9. They inhabit a state of permanent decline.

The number one reason it's difficult for me to find suitable civilian dates is that so many of them eat like crap and don't exercise. They talk about how they're getting old, but if you eat poorly and never exercise... Dude, I don't think it's your age. At least, how can you even tell?

So he's the one thinking he's a piece of heavenly perfection, but it sure looks like he's turning into Quasimodo. (Or maybe Carl, Sr.?) Eventually, you'll get tired of being with someone who doesn't care about their health and fitness, and he will think you don't have your priorities in order (see #6) and things unravel from there. Lucky you though, you're still smokin'.

Of course, my dear reader, you will still be attracted to civilians in spite of all of this, and you may still date one of them someday. If so, perhaps by knowing what you're getting yourself into, you'll be the one who bucks the trend. But just knowing it's raining outside won't keep you from getting soaked, so proceed with caution still.

Linky Goodness:

From A Neurotic Artist: Hater Alert! Artists Attacked

From Gary Ploski: Why Dating Actors is a Bad Idea

From Matthew Freeman: How To Be Better At Dating Actors (Because You Are Not Blameless)

Car Blues

I've been really down about my car. It's getting fixed, but the whole thing just sucks.

Details later maybe. Right now I'm just trying to remember that it's getting fixed, and I will get through the BS. Trying to remember that the "value" the insurance company has declared has nothing to do with my reality and how valuable the car is to me. Has nothing to do with the actual damage to the car, which is relatively minor.

I just want my car to be uncrunched.  :( For the record, I'd take my car over my current rental car any day and twice on Sunday. It's nice that it's new, but my car's actually better.

And I wish that car insurance companies had a better option for older car owners that takes into consideration the actual damage to the car and the reality that older car owners don't need full cosmetic repairs. It feels like, well, screw you for being poor. Sucks for you.

Laid Off Mondays Blow

Seriously, WTF?

I think I've been doing fairly well since being laid off in June. I've been very productive, both personally and as much as possible professionally. I've been on job interviews, I've been networking my heart out, I've been getting things done around my world.

Every Monday I wake up having accomplished a ton of things the previous week, having had a full weekend, and wanting to plow through an ambitious list of things to do. Only to find I'm roaring with anxiety or wallowing in melancholy.

Then Tuesday I wake up and it's gone and I'm off to the races again. It's 8am, and I've been working since 5:30am.

I think the negativity comes when it's Monday morning and I'm not heading off to work. I really like working for the man, it seems. I've had a smattering of miscellaneous free-lance opportunities come my way, and truth be told, it's not for me. I fight feeling scattered and unfocused, and I think trying to construct a life of disconnected income situations would only exacerbate that.

No, I am an executive assistant, I am a blogger, I could be something webby like an online community manager, and I am a director. I don't want any more professional titles than that, and I want someone to work for, and I want a paycheck I can count on.

I think it's also that my New Year's resolution was no new debt, and the tide is quickly beginning to turn on that one. I can't throw caution and my life to the wind. It's all on me, and I intend to be here for a while. Which means that I have to try to mind my finances and at least try to have a positive net worth before I die. When I think about sliding backwards again, I just want to die. And yet, things have come up that I don't want to miss and that I think will be good for me to attend, careerwise, so here I go again. I'm trying to make the best decisions I can and somehow not let this time suck another year from me in either missed opportunities or debt that's going to backslide me by the years it will take to catch back up to where I am now.

Time and money. Time and money. If you have them, and you aren't being all you can be, I'm here to tell you that you suck. Get off your ass and use your advantages.

I typed this early yesterday morning as my status update: "Up and at 'em this fine Monday morning. It's going to be a great week! Much to do."

Well, it *is* going to be a great week. But I'm glad the Monday part is over.

The AMC Cinema 8 in Burbank Town Center Mall is a Disgrace.

There are three AMC Cinemas in Burbank, all within walking distance of each other. The Burbank 16 is big and new and shiny. The Burbank Town Center 6 is small and functional.

The Burbank Town Center 8, the one located inside the mall, is an absolute disgrace.

One only goes there when the movie and time desired leave one no other choice. And yet, every time I go there, something is wrong. Once, it was the sound, and I didn't go back for a long time. The time before last, for a screening of Sex & the City, it was that the movie didn't start until someone got up from our theater at 10 minutes after the start time to ask them to please start the film.

But this last time, the 4:50pm screening of The Duchess last Sunday October 26th, was the absolute, most shameful, incredibly worst. First, they couldn't frame up the film. It was clearly wrong when the trailers started, so a man to our right got up to ask about it. It was fiddled with a bit until it was squished and cut off into a square, AND THEN THEY LEFT IT THAT WAY.

Next, a woman to our right got up and went and got someone again. Who eventually fixed the framing.

AND THEN LEFT US SITTING THERE AS THE FILM STARTED WITH THE HOUSE LIGHTS ON.

So then, my friend got up and missed a crucial opening scene to go ask that they turn off the lights. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible.

Note that, at every turn, no one in theater is aware or cares to be aware, that anything is amiss. Someone always has to get up and walk ten miles down the hall to get someone to come help. And when that person gets there, they very likely have no idea how to fix the problem.

Unless it's the house lights. They can, at least, find a light switch once someone points out to them that the movie has started AND THE HOUSE LIGHTS ARE ON.

But wait. There's more.

When the film ended, THEY IMMEDIATELY SWITCHED OFF THE PROJECTOR BEFORE ONE CREDIT HAD ROLLED. Which I would imagine is a violation of their deal with the distributor, Paramount Vantage.

Seriously, could the AMC Burbank Town Center 8 possibly suck more? It's a complete waste of space and a disgrace of a movie theater. AMC should be embarrassed to have their brand on the doors.

The men in my life are people.

OK, look, we need a rule. And the rule is, that the men in my life - *all* the men in my life - are people. They are individuals with names.

They are not part of some strange species called "men" to be lumped together and guarded or railed against. They are individual people, each with personal attributes and flaws.

They aren't always perfect. They don't always act or feel the way I would choose. Sometimes they are inconsiderate and hurt me. But they are still people, and people make mistakes and people are not perfect.

I do not dismiss people for being imperfect. I do not lump people who are imperfect. I do not stop caring about and valuing the men in my life because they are imperfect and don't always act as I might wish or want what I want. I take them for who they are and what they have to offer.

Yes, some people are evil, dysfunctional cheating garbage, but that is the rare exception and that says nothing about the men in my life right now.

And further. Look, I understand that the Hunky Actor and I have been broken up for just two months. I understand that we broke up and got back together more than once. So I understand that it's difficult to understand how we could so quickly become friends and just friends.

I get it if you think my heart is involved or still hanging on. I get it if you're just waiting for us to get back together.

But my recommendation is not to put money on that bet because you will lose it.

The simple fact is that the Hunky Actor and I are friends, just friends, and btw becoming really good friends. The kind of friends who may create stories and laughs together to share with the world. The kind of friends who talk on the phone about movies and dating and the industry, and the kind of friends who hug goodbye. And let me tell you, I need all the hugs I can get.

So I trust that with time our friendship will become something you can believe in, because I already do and I'm not letting it go.

Buffy Season Eight: Killing Me with the Variant Comic Book Covers

OK, I have no idea how it is if you buy your comic books from a bricks and mortar comic store. I could never keep track of or deal with that, so I buy my comics online from Things from Another World.

Now, every issue of Buffy Season Eight has a regular cover and then every four books are printed with a variant cover.

So. If you want to guarantee that you receive the variant cover, you have to order four copies of every book. This is absurd, and luckily, I prefer the regular artwork anyway. It's absolutely stunning.

But. If you want to guarantee that you receive the regular cover, you have to order two copies. Otherwise, you risk receiving the variant cover on your one issue, thereby not having a complete and beautiful set of the regular covers.

At first, I would just order my one and cross my fingers. But then, if the variant cover arrived, I had to reorder - and then I still had to reorder two to make sure I got what I wanted. So now I order two copies.

Except somehow I accidentally ordered three of an upcoming issue, and it seems too late to cancel one, at least, not without calling about it. Who wants to bet I don't even get the variant on that one?

Oh, and the one time I really, really liked the variant? Of course, didn't get it. I might have ordered four to get this one, but I didn't see it in time:

What's beyond annoying is that now what I have is:

• One complete set of the normal covers.
• Many, many doubles of the normal covers, but not another complete set.
• An incomplete set of the alternative covers.

That last one would have me stark raving mad if I stopped to think about it.

It's not the cost; comics books are under $3. But the annoyance, and hello, the paper involved in these equations??? The fact that people are ordering four copies every issue to get those variant covers just seems like such a paper suck.

I guess what most annoys me, though, is that I have to order extra copies just to ensure that I receive a complete set of the normal covers. I don't want any of these extra copies! The whole system is the suck.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to read Wolves at the Gate Part 3 (#14) before I go to bed. Gee, which of my matching copies should I crack?

(I am happy about my free Hellboy I got for Free Comic Book Day.)

Two Country Songs That Make Me Stabby with the Gender Stereotypes.

This post is cross-posted at BlogHer.

I love country music. Shout it from the rooftops!  Yeehaw!

What I don't love about country music, however, is songs that rely on gender stereotypes. That BS makes me stabby.

Right now there's two songs I've been hearing on the local country station that make me want to stick a hot poker into my temple. The first is "I'm Still a Guy" by Brad Paisley.

When you see a deer you see Bambi
And I see antlers up on the wall
When you see a lake you think picnic
And I see a large mouth up under that log
You're probably thinking that you're going to change me
In some ways well maybe you might
Scrub me down, dress me up but no matter what
I'm still a guy

When you see a priceless French painting
I see a drunk, naked girl
You think that riding a wild bull sounds crazy
And I'd like to give it a whirl
Well love makes a man do some things he ain't proud of
And in a weak moment I might walk your sissy dog, hold your purse at the mall
But remember, I'm still a guy

I've actually never left the song on past the first verse, so I was even more annoyed to find that the song goes after metrosexuals in the second half.

And is it me, or do you, too, hear "Remember, I'm still a guy" and think: Or, I could just dump your sorry ass and go date a real man who isn't afraid of enjoying art and using a little moisturizer. Seriously, I don't need to remember anything; I just need to not date you.

Here's the worst part:

But when you say a backrub means only a backrub
Then you swat my hand when I try
Well, what can I say at the end of the day
Honey, I'm still a guy

Blech.

There's another Brad Paisley song I'm not fond of, "Little Moments." It's mostly sweet, I guess. It just creeps me out that the first time I heard it I thought he was singing about his daughter for the first part of the song:

Well I'll never forget the first time that I heard
That pretty mouth say that dirty word
And I can't even remember now what she backed my truck into
But she covered her mouth and her face got red
And she just looked so darn cute
That I couldn't even act like I was mad
Yeah I live for little moments like that

Turns out, he's actually singing about his wife. You know, the little woman. Talk about an example of "cute" used as a diminutive! (BlogHers got into a discussion of the word "cute" in the comments on my post Will My Boyfriend Still Love Me If I Dress Like An "Urbane Tomboy"???)

The second new song that gets me stabby is "Things That Never Cross a Man's Mind" by Kellie Pickler. 'Cause you know how men and women are SO DIFFERENT. And it's JUST SO FUNNY.

Lets turn off the TV
Now can't we just talk
Lets lay here and cuddle
Till we both drift off
If we don't make love
That'll be just fine
Things that never cross a man's mind

That joke is too dirty
This steak is too thick
Ain't no way in the world I'll ever finish it
That car is too fast
This beer is too cold
And watching all this football is sure getting old

Blechity, blech, blech, blech. (*Love* her voice though!) Makes me want to go have a nice big 'ol steak and a Guinness for dinner in front of Hunky Actor Boyfriend's TV. Because, people, it is JUST SO BIG. And we both like to cuddle in front of it.

There's so very many country songs I just love - but when these come on I can't get to that station changer fast enough! Any relationship songs driving you crazy lately?

~

The blogosphere speaks:

I'm a Little Bit Country... - from In Her Shoes, first she loved him, and then she love country music.

I Love... - from Donnabetes, a meme of what you love and it can't include the people in your life (but it can include country music!)

A love/hate relationship - with country music, from Maundering Pondering. Many great music recommendations in the comments.

Brain Lock: It's hard to blog when I'm slammed.

Well, duh. Of course.

But what I mean is that my brain is fried, my room is a mess, and holy crap, could somebody please wash my underwear? Everybody who's so totally going to have to run out to buy underwear on their lunch break so that they don't have to do laundry please raise their hand.

There is not enough underwear in the world for my life. That's going to be my weird thing my assistant talks about when I'm rich and famous - drawers and drawers of underwear. There's always *something* to wear if your underwear's clean.

OK, there's a chance I may be home Thursday night before the weekend when I must have clean underwear and I will be unable to do any wash... But I've found that having one free night in a week does not really leave one with the energy required to lug a laundry basket outside and downstairs in the cold and the dark. Double shifts suck ass, my friends, no matter how great what you're doing after work is.

My brain just gets locked up. I have all these blog posts in my head, and I just can't do it. I've realized that I need to have more free time to be able to write effectively and without pain and cotton in my head, but it's just not going to happen until... Um...  May?

Oy vey.

It's not too much, I'm just definitely at full capacity till then, and I just get frustrated when there's things I want to blog and I don't get to it. I will, I'm just beat and stressed out about my week, even as I got three big things done today:  ABC/DGA application, business taxes and a BlogHer post about how Jon Stewart's got me thinking about make-up sex. Ha! I amuse myself.

The answer in this moment is always to go to bed; tomorrow is indeed another day, and sleep is the key to productivity when you can afford it.

Or, I could go watch "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles." Clearly, Better Than Sleep.

So NoBloPoMo be over, yo.

Can you tell?

Guess I'm putting this under "rantings & whinings," although I'd have to add "ramblings" to be accurate.  I've had a million ideas for focused blog posts in the last few days - none of which are this post.

Got the Christmas tree up with my roommate last night; that was cool. She wanted to flock it a bit, and we got a Douglas.  Two new things for me, and I'm really happy with both.  I was having a difficult time getting Christmasy, but as usual, the tree saves the spirit day!

Tonight I'm making Challah for my bosses for Hanukkah, and I find that I'm actually a little nervous about giving it to them.  It's dark on top - damn my crap apartment oven - but a bit stuck in one of the loaf pans and it tastes good.  Nervous about giving Challah - I am absurdly far from South Florida tonight, where I would give Challah with abandon!  Like I'm suddenly worried that my Challah won't measure up in L.A.  Or will strike them as odd.

Dude.  I'm from South Florida; I'm a pagan that bakes Challah.  (And makes charoset, but that's a whole 'nother season.)

Why didn't I buy that bag of blue bows?  I don't have any bows.  Ah well, at least I have Hannukah cards.

Becca, we are SO having Latkas on Christmas Eve.  Holy crap, I wish I had some Latkas RIGHT NOW.  I might actually kill for a noodle kugel like Amy makes.

December is a little insane, but I guess I'm having fun.  Kinda looking forward to buckling down in January, truth be told, but with Hunky Actor Boyfriend working through every party I've got and leaving for a big hunk of time over Christmas proper (AND the solstice, bah!), there's just nothing to do but have fun with my friends, I guess.

Dude, every time I make bread I think, why don't I do this more often?  Like, I'd love to make fabulous whole-grain loaves.  The kneading is awesome, and holy crap, I can not believe I have four bosses now, so no extra loaf of (clearly so *not* whole grain) Challah.  I'm totally going to have to make more so I can have some.

But not tonight.

I have to admit that the seasonal beer I'm drinking a second bottle of right now is simply not my type of beer.  And I cannot believe that I didn't cook my damn pizza when I got home!  Loser. And said not tasty beer is giving me quite a buzz.  Hence, this fabulous, rambling post.

OK, seriously?  SERIOUSLY.  How many games of Carcassonne do I have to join on Yucata to actually get to take a turn like EVER.  Peeps from around the world - please - holy crap - take your damn turn, dudes!

In other gaming news, I have just started gaming with strangers online due to my desire to level on Yucata. What a nerd I am, seriously.  Anyway, Carc is one thing, but I just joined a game of my most favoritest game, In the Shadow of the Emperor on MaBi Web, and I am psyched because Shadow is a fabulously vicious game.

OK, enough rambles.  DEAR GOD, SOMEBODY TAKE THEIR DAMN TURN.