Everyday Goddess

"Zero Sight: Bad Call" Hits the Web

One of the best things about "Zero Sight: Bad Call" hitting the web this week was unexpected. So many of my friends and mentors watched it and sent me the most wonderfully thoughtful responses. One thing I love about directing, and why I'm drawn to it, is that it continues to present challenges and opportunities to learn. And you learn throughout the process. I've no doubt that "Zero Sight: Bad Call" will have things to teach me even a year from now, and I'm so grateful to have so many wonderful people in my life who took time out to watch the short and give me real feedback. (Keep it coming!)

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm also incredibly fond of every single person who simply told me that it rocks! Check it out; what do you think?

Another thing I just adore, is the ability to put content on the web and just immediately share it. The potential for feedback and sharing and interaction is just fantastic. I love that on the web, a project lives just as soon as you upload it.

The flip side of that is the need for marketing and my fixation this week on the number of views and likes. And the fact that they matter. The fact that the first day, the first week, matters. There's this push-pull energy between viewers, who watch when they can, and creators, where you need people to watch right away. It feels like some sort of cruel irony, the way I watch and interact with content vs. the sudden need for people to watch, like, and with any luck SHARE, the film short I directed. It's kinda crazy. It's certainly crazy-making.

I've a fair bit of experience in Internet marketing and social media, of course, but for the blog it's always been different. I do what feels organic and fun, and then that's just it. I blog for myself first, and it's always been that way. Yes, it being public is a big part of the energy of blogging, but it being popular has never been my personal goal. Clearly.

There were a couple years there, as blogs just began to become mainstream, that people would seek me out and ask me how I got readers, how my blog reached the level it was at then, and honestly, the only answer I have is that I was blogging organically and honestly in 2005. The community was much smaller, some cool people linked to me, and I made some awesome blog friends. Then the Internet changed, my readership has naturally gone down, and I'm just still doing what I do, less the types of posts that now live on Facebook instead.

As I write this, "Zero Sight: Bad Call" is at a little over 1500 views, which to me seems pretty awesome, particularly for a video with an adult content warning at the head and nobody famous or singing or being broadly humorous in it. Also, no cats. So I'm pretty happy about that number, and to be honest, I'm pretty amused by the adult content warning, too. (Even if the reality is pretty mild.)

But the hard thing is that I love it, and I love everyone who worked on it, and I want MORE and MORE people to see it and love it, too! And so I rack my brain for ways to make that happen, ways to rise above the ocean of content. You send messages and emails and press releases and tweets and shares, and you just hope it gets out there. That people like it and that people share it. (SUPER thanks to everyone who's watched, liked, commented and/or shared - YOU ROCK!)

I know I'm not the first one to dive into this, and I guess what I would most want to share is that I think that if you send something out and no one responds and picks it up for a post on a website or something cool like that, you have this tendency to think, Oh well, maybe it wasn't that good then. Maybe next time.

But I've worked in PR, and I know that's not necessarily true. You can create something amazing, and it can simply not make the leap because of the timing or the right person was too busy when they got your message, or any number of things. We're all in a big ocean these days, and you need like a flying fish to leap up and help you glisten in the sun where everyone can see, but sometimes you just get stuck in the waves with all the other drops of water.

Geez, I can really milk an anology, right?

Anyway, I don't really know how we next get more eyeballs, but I love "Zero Sight: Bad Call." I think it came out pretty damn good, and everyone who worked on it is superawesome. It's hella fun, my friends. Sexy, cute, fast, and hella fun.

If you agree, how about you vote for "Zero Sight: Bad Call" for Short of the Week? THAT would be awesome!!!

And SHARE it, my friends. I promise that mature content warning will protect anyone from getting in trouble with the boss. And it's the weekend now anyway.

Shooting In Your Space

I read an interview once with Ed Burns where he said that he cast himself in The Brothers McMullen because then he always knew that at least one person would show up on shoot days.

Well, I'm not an actress, but what I do have is a fairly large - for a one-bedroom in Los Angeles - apartment. And so we shot a lot of my Stage 5 TV Continuum film short, "Zero Sight: Bad Call," in my space. The entire first, fat day of shooting of a two-day shoot, to be specific.

Now, I have an odd hobby in life of going through my things and getting rid of stuff. It's an ongoing, process, and I have a lot less things than I used to. But going into a film shoot, even more had to go. I spent a lot of time moving things like my rocking chair and my bike to my friend's basement, taking things to the thrift store, and reorganizing.

I moved my china cabinet into the bedroom, a freestanding pantry to the porch, and my old TV to the bathroom. I painted my kitchen over Christmas, put all my movie posters under my bed and stuffed my closets to the brim. By the night before the shoot, the only thing in my apartment that I hadn't personally moved was an armoir in a corner of my bedroom. Space was at a premium, and the best place for the sandbags, was the hallway. The HALLWAY where people walk was the best place for the sandbags.

We put most of grip and electric on the porch, but I was concerned about load-bearing so I insisted, no sandbags there. The weight of those suckers adds up fast.

As production design and equipment were moved in, my producer Paige Barnett and I became really concerned about space and number of bodies. So much so that when a friend who had volunteered to be on-set photographer had to cancel, I called Paige and said, "Good news, the set photographer cancelled!" A little tongue in cheek, to be sure, but with a solid tinge of truth. (And BIG thanks to Paige for taking tons of pics during the shoot!)

I wish I'd have somehow hired a script supervisor; I regretted the decision not to in editing, but I honestly don't know how we would have fit another person without all of us going mad. Here's a shot of Jon Gentry (Cam) and VyVy Nguyen (Veronica) chilling out in the bathroom. VyVy's sitting on my TV:

Hey, that's wardrobe in the background, hanging in the shower! Here's what's behind wardrobe:

My bedroom was hair and makeup, DIT, AND the green room. Craft services went in the kitchen, and had to be moved whenever it was in the shot. The space was full up, and to the cast and crew, what can I say, but thank you, thank you, thank you for your good humor about it all. Thank you!

Now, my place was previously apartment white. Here's Paige at the beginning of that project, the weekend before the shoot:

And later, when our friend Ralph Sanchez came to give us a hand - and a painting lesson, it turned out:

We did three coats of the yellow, ultimately, on what is a pretty big room. I have to admit, it was a little panic inducing seeing bright yellow paint go up against blue painter's tape. I suddenly had images of my apartment as a preschool. Big thanks to my production designer, Jessica Mahnke, who picked the colors, because it was my confidence in her that kept me breathing while the yellow went up. Here's a shot from the film where you can see some of her marvelous production design:

The craziest thing we did in the apartment was a 180 degree dolly move that required full-size curved dolly track and a doorway dolly. Originally, we'd thought we'd be able to use a smaller rig, but the nature of the move and the size of the RED camera meant we needed to upgrade. Which meant that we needed to fit even more into my apartment. Looking at the track the night before my shoot, I thought to myself, Ah, the fine line between brave and stupid... There it is:

And, setting up for action: 

Ultimately, working around my full-time day job, it took about a month to prep the apartment for the shoot, and over a month to recover. It was kind of amazing, and totally worth it. When I came home at the end of day two, I dropped my bags and took this shot:

The sad thing about this pic is that I had to give that TV back. Now *that* took all my personal strength.

So now, my apartment is pretty much all back together. Funny thing, getting ready for a little get-together about a month and half after the shoot I actually thought to myself, What happened to my carpet? And then I laughed out loud. Um, I think it was the film crew.

Renting a carpet cleaner is on the To Do list.

"Zero Sight: Bad Call" premieres Tuesday May 14th on The Continuum on Stage 5 TV.

Do Nothing For Approval: A Letter To My Younger Self

This is a letter to a 26-year old girl who sat on a beach in Boca Raton, and faced for the first time that the path she was on was right for everyone around her except for the person who mattered most: herself. She looked into the Atlantic Ocean and thought, What do *I* want? And so began a journey from a called-off wedding in South Florida, to film school in Tallahassee, and finally to a creative life working in the entertainment industry in Los Angeles.

Every time I spot the Pacific Ocean now, I'm still a little surprised it's on the wrong side.

Fifteen years later, I could tell that girl that she'll still be working on the question: What do *you* want? She'll still fight the urge to subjugate her own desires and opinions, and to fit into societal norms, working to get up every day and make the choices that make sense to her.

Knowing and owning what you want is a lot easier in your 40s, but the desire for approval is harder to shake off. After all, we're raised to seek it, from our parents, our teachers, our friends. It can lead to good grades; it can lead to illegal drug use. Approval is powerful stuff.

And let me be clear: when it's healthy (and legal!) there's nothing wrong with enjoying approval when it comes. It's great when you do something and people love it and they love you for it. It's a blessing to be able to welcome that.

But, I'd urge her not to do things *just* to gain approval. Because what's going to happen is that sometimes what she knows is right isn't going to be the popular choice. The earlier she gets comfortable with that, the more successful she will be.

What does SHE want? She needs to ask herself, and respect the answer. It can be amazingly difficult to hear, particularly if you've developed what I call "hostess syndrome," where you put everyone else's needs above your own.

At age 26, that girl hadn't yet discovered film school, but it was right around the corner, first at Palm Beach Community College, and then at Florida State University. Being a director would require a diversity of skills. Many will come naturally; some we're still working on. That's the beauty of directing: the challenges and the opportunities for learning never end.

Neither does that child inside who wants to be approved of. She'll always be there, and that's okay. Other people's needs and opinions are important, and filmmaking is a team sport. You don't ever want to get to the place where no one will tell you anything that you need to hear. But as the director whom everyone's counting on to do an exceptional job, she'll have to learn to figure out what she needs.

After that, it's a matter of prioritizing. She'll need to pick her battles wisely.

On our last film short project, the challenge was deciding if a large, on-set monitor, which allows the director to see both the shot and the performance simultaneously, was necessary. Cost: $150 for the weekend, a lot of money in a tight little budget.

The young woman inside still wants to say, "Oh, it's okay, we can cut that. I can make do." She's said it before. The adult director, however, must know that it's needed, prioritize it appropriately, and insist.

Later, the decision will meet with approval. Good decisions often work that way, but not always. And sometimes she'll be wrong. A director makes decisions all day, and must keep working to get as many of them right as possible. She'll spend the rest of her life learning to forgive herself for the bad ones. She'll have to get a little comfortable with that part, too.

All I can tell her is that at least it begins to feel familiar.

I love this quote from Andy Warhol: "Don't think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad. While they are deciding, make even more art." She'll keep believing in her art, in what she sees in her head and feels in her gut.

Now? She won't do it for approval. She'll do it for herself.

This post is part of BlogHer's Success Tips For My Younger Self editorial series, made possible by Kaplan.

Filmmaking with a Full-Time Job

December 2012 was the first time I thought to myself, Maybe I Can't Do This. I turned my mind in a direction it had never gone and wondered what if. What if I wasn't working on directing anymore?

The irony is that I've finally starting making scheduling choices and having opportunities so that slowly but surely I *am* directing more. But with the opportunity of "Zero Sight: Bad Call" I found a small voice inside my head wondering, What if this is as far as you can go? What if nothing comes next? What if you blow this one, How will there ever be another? What if you rock this one, How will there ever be another?

January 2013 was the first time I thought to myself, OK, I CAN Do This. I am getting it. I am finally getting better at shot design and previsualization to add to all the aspects of directing I take more naturally to. I'm getting the pre-pro process better than ever before. Slowly. Painfully. It felt like I could feel the new neural connections forming as I worked my ass off. It was an amazing relief.

And then I went back to work. And then I realized with a new clarity that 80% of my angst, my doubt, comes from having to do the work of filmmaking while working a 40-hour a week job. It's really fucking hard. I had started feeling better the minute my vacation time started and I could focus fully on the short. That was what made the difference in my mind set.

It wasn't as hard in some ways when I was an assistant. But unemployed at 39/40, I found I couldn't get those jobs anymore in the entertainment industry. And there were negatives there, too. So now I'm a project coordinator. It's much more technical, and often I feel completely mentally wiped out at the end of a day. Cue the second shift! Zzz...

And I really like my job. I like working in audio post, I like the people, I like the work and the business, I like my health insurance, and I can't be creative when I'm afraid of losing my apartment and not being able to pay my bills. It affected me in film school, because I couldn't work, and I was always afraid about money as I put every fourth month completely on credit cards. Plus, I'd worked since I was 16, and two years of no income often left me hardly able to function from the fear.

Unemployment was like living through that again.

So I am very grateful for my job. And coming out of unemployment, I recognized that I had to start making different decisions about my time so that I was directing more. I was so eager to be directing again after the dark years. In 2012, I did a lot less blogging, a lot less going out - both for fun and for filmmaking education - and a lot more filmmaking. It was amazing. And it was exhausting.

And I thought deep in my soul, What if I can't do this anymore? I'm so fucking tired of working this hard all the time. What the hell am I doing? How can I keep living this way? I'm making better decisions. I don't have kids or other commitments, I've pared my monthly expenses down and down, I've pared my schedule down, I'm getting sleep and exercise and good food. All there is is my day job and filmmaking, and it's still so fucking hard.

And then I stood on the fullest set I've had as a director in a long time surrounded by beautiful creative people working their asses off for the story that I had fought to bring this far. And I remembered.

I remembered that all the work and all the sacrifice is for the moment I'm watching the magic on the screen. The moments I am fully focused on that story and all the pieces that come together to make it happen.

It's hard. It's ever ellusively beyond my abilities to do it perfectly. It's a never-ending, fantastic challenge that filmmakers do as part of a creative team. It's so unbelievably fun and amazing.

It's the reason I get up in the morning.

And so, coming off of the "Zero Sight: Bad Call" shoot, I felt like, Wow, I am so ready for a longer shoot. One week, two, three. That would be SO awesome, and such an opportunity to move forward in my skill set.

And then I got back to work, looked at my remaining vacation time, and wondered how. And stuffed my heart back into the cubicle box, and wondered how. And realized my car ignition needs to be checked out, and I'll be carless and biking if it breaks, and wondered how.

And then I got some sleep. And let it go. And put my mind back to the post production work in front of me. That for which I get paid, and that for which I don't. It's like a net, post production. It's where I like to land.

I don't know what's next. I don't know when I'll stand on set directing again, and I don't know how it'll work with my day job.

But I don't have to know right now, right this second. I just have to do the good work that's in front of me to do to the best of my abilities.

And I do so now with a renewed sense of purpose. I am a director. And so I will continue to work to get what opportunities I can and to knock whatever's in front of me out of the park. So often in the past year I've had moments where I've felt like, It's Too Much. And when that happens, I remember that the solution is to simply click it up a notch. When it seems like too much work, I simply adjust my mind set to that level. As long as I'm making good choices, then the work level in front of me is the work level that must be done.

It's a good life, lived as I wish. For that I feel forever blessed.

The shoot went awesome, by the way! I can't wait to see it all come together, and I can't wait to share it with you. Soon, soon!

Friending the Fear Demon

I spent large part of December scared out of my mind. After a year of super low-budget shooting, I'd scored an opportunity to direct a film short for Stage 5 TV's YouTube show, The Continuum. I had a fantastic script and a great producer. And I found myself fighting paralyzing fear. The kind that finds you sitting on your couch watching too much TV because to turn away means facing the terrifying fear sitting right next to you.

Of course, I sat there watching relevent content and thinking about shot design. We had hugely successful casting, attaching wonderful actors I can't wait to work with. Meetings with our wonderful crew. The work got done.

But the fact that this was such a cool opportunity - and perhaps because of the great script, cast, producer, crew, I was frequently feeling very blocked by fear. And not even some exotic type of fear, either. This was straight up fear of failure and self-doubt.

And the answer is always to do the work. What's in front of you to do? Do that.

But I would come home and sit on my couch, and there it was, my new unwanted companion.

It was already subsiding when I sat across a table sipping coffee with a good friend and described it as a giant monster who left me frozen, unable to think. Once I got closer to the shoot, my inner director kicked in, and to some extent the fear falls away. Or my focused energy simply takes up all the space in my head. I still marvel at the first day I was on set directing at film school and realized who I am when I'm there, what directing awakens in me.

But back to the giant monster on my couch.

The very next day after I described my fear as a giant monster, I read this on Tiny Buddha in a post called How To Believe In Yourself In The Face Of Overwhelming Self-Doubt:

Before, I imagined self-doubt as a life-sucking monster. Now, I realize it’s actually a fearful, angry, and lost creature secretly crying for help.

I was blown away that I had *just* described my fear as a monster the day before!

Now, it's important to the story to note that I've been watching a lot of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, because the pacing and the tone are similar to my upcoming film short, Zero Sight: Bad Call. And so the moment I read those words, I knew.

I knew that Overwhelming Fear of Failure was the Fear Demon, featured in the season 4 episode, Fear Itself. I don't want to tell you the whole episode, but ultimately, the Fear Demon's bark is worse than his bite. It's available on HuluPlus, you should totally check it out.

What I love about the post on Tiny Buddha is that the author, Melissa Ng, goes on to say:

Like fear, joy, and sadness, doubt is part of human nature, and it needs understanding. If you want to improve yourself, you need to tame your self-doubt, not fight with it. That means paying attention to how you react to things, understanding the root of your insecurities, and taking steps to address your fears.

So, the Fear Demon isn't a monster to defeat - although that certainly made a satisfying ending to the Buffy episode - instead he just needs a little love and understanding. We don't have to be scared just 'cause he's trying to bust up the party. That's just how he do.

I decided right then and there to keep him right where I could see him, on my project notebook. "Who's a little fear demon? Come on. Who's a little fear demon?"

As an epilogue, the next day I attended the "8th Annual Focus On Female Directors" at the Egyptian in Hollywood. I've been many times, as I love short films and it's always exceptionally curated. The panel was asked to share their biggest challenge on their projects, and director Jill Soloway shared that with every project she faces self-doubt.

My good friend and actress, Kerry Hite, who will play The Woman in Zero Sight: Bad Call, turned to me and said, "Do you feel better now?"

And I do. I really do.

Meet the Characters of "Zero Sight"

But first, some bloggy angst.

(You can page down to the headline "Meet the Characters of Zero Sight to skip the bloggy angst if you'd like.)

So I've got this little action webseries, and I want to shoot season one for $150K over 10 days. Which sounds crazy high if you're running around with two friends and a camera, and pretty damn reasonable if you're a reputable production company pulling off a ten-day shoot without breaking any laws or pissing off SAG-AFTRA. Did I mention it's an *action* web series? With lots of locations and stunt work?

I've been researching crowdfunding, considering trying to shoot just the first three episodes (still expensive as it's a matter of increasing returns as a shoot goes on), and dreaming about my dream talent. Trying to take the impossible one step at a time.

Cut to a simple pitch document I've been staring at for months. The one I want to send to said dream talent.

I've got some awful case of writer's block, or fear of the impossible, or some mean streak of lazy going on. Man, I don't know. I've been doing a lot of *thinking* about "Zero Sight" but the progress I have made on the pitch document has been painfully, painfully slow going.

I watched this wonderful TedTalk from the awesome Colleen Wainwright a few weeks ago, "Are You Sure It's Impossible?" In it, she quotes Merlin Mann as saying that when you're dealing with focus issues or procrastination issues: First, care. She suggests maybe you don't care enough about the thing you want to do. "Make sure you really care." Check it out:

I saw this video, thankfully, just a few days after someone at a party asked me what projects I was working on. And "Zero Sight" came bubbling up, and I told her all about it and how awesome it is.

I dream of "Zero Sight." My big, expensive web series. Yes, I Really Care.

And then I went home and stared at my document. And paced. And went back to dreaming about shot design. And talent. And cameras. And locations.

None of which I get if I don't:

1. Finish the pitch document
2. Outline the website / Get something up there
3. Reach out to talent

There's two phone calls in the web series, and I'm going to record those at the end of June to put up on the - currently nonexistant - website, along with some awesome sketches my costume designer did, etc. Basically, anything I can do to bring some life to "Zero Sight" in terms of images and pictures and sounds.

And I've been thinking and thinking and thinking. What's been going on with me, I still don't quite know, but I suddenly realized that the place I write most often, and most productively, is the box I'm typing into right now. When I write, I'm in Typepad, and I'm blogging.

I suddenly thought to just blog about the "Zero Sight" characters, and then tighten up whatever comes out for that part of the pitch document. Note that things are subject to change after input from my creative team in place so far: the writer, Michael Patrick Sullivan, and the production company Epic Level Entertainment.

This is also me breaking the task down to smaller bits. This bit: Character descriptions. Without further ado:

~

Meet the Characters of Zero Sight

ALEX is a hard-working prosecutor who's eager to please. Fired by the District Attorney for lacking "killer instinct" just a day before she accidently kills an assassin in her apartment, Alex agrees to a crazy plan hatched by her geeky downstairs neighbor. Posing as "The Raven" will likely lead Alex to whoever's trying to kill her - but just how long can you pose as an assassin before you really have to kill someone?

BAXTER is a impressive weapons expert, on account of the video game playing. Oh, and the video game writing. His upstairs neighbor is hot, but she's clearly going to need some guidance from someone with strategic planning skills - and balls - to deal with the dead assassin in her apartment.

THE RAVEN is a Eurotrash douchbag of an assassin. He doesn't live very long.

THE WOMAN is a sexy, modulated voice on the phone. She doesn't really care who's doing the hit, so long as it's getting done.

MALONE is just a guy on a park bench who The Woman wants Alex to kill. Lucky for Malone, Alex and Baxter hatch a plan to keep him alive. For now.

DA ADAMS is a rather pompous District Attorney who likes to throw his weight around. He knows who needs to go down, and he's not above asking his prosecutors to bend the law to send the bad guys to jail where they belong. He's also not above firing prosecutors who lack the killer instinct to get the job done.

MISTER JANNI is the beleagured landlord of Alex and Baxter. He knows a thing or two about guns, too, and it's not from playing video games.

~

So those are the awesome characters from Season One of "Zero Sight." What do you think?

More to come... I'm working on "Zero Sight" and a couple of other projects right now, and thankfully all the energy and work seem to be feeding into one other. So expect some updates on other projects, and more on "Zero Sight" as well. Things are happening!

Also, I really, really need a creative producing partner on "Zero Sight." It's really the missing ingredient - besides funding, of course - so if you're interested in coming on board, shoot me an email at lizriz217 AT earthlink DOT net. With any luck I'll have a pitch document to send you soon.